#mx wonho x reader

When he asked for your number you just thought he wanted it to had the entertainment company you worked for.

"Oh, don't worry, my boss already gave the company number to your manager" you nod with a nervous smile that couldn't get bigger. You didn't want to create some confusion about exchanged personal numbers in the company, Starship could think you throw your number at him, and never accept an interview with your company never again.

Wonho drop a nervous laugh looking at his shoes. “actually, I wanted, Your personal number” he looked at you, your hair was altogether in a messy ponytail, you had some small round golden earring, and you were wearing just semi-formal outfit to look professional yet, comfy enough to go from one place to another. “If that's okay for you”

I took you a few seconds to understand what he meant, but yet you needed hearing a confirmation about you suspect, maybe you were dreaming? Wonho tell you he wanted to ask you out, you could move, body and tongue froze.

Most of the dates were in his studio, that way no one outside his company could see you and create a scandal with the two of you getting comfy. you liked that way, he could tell you about the song he was working on, not ready enough to show you tho, and you could tell him about how you always wanted to be a journalist, that although the entertainment area never call your attention, you found yourself liking it, in occasions the other boys teasing Wonho he was sleeping with the enemy, he always said he was happy you were working in the entertainment media, that's how you two meet, that's where the story of you both start.

The time went fly, a couple of years has passed, despite both of you busy schedule, you always managed to spare time with each other, he was there in the bad times, when you ruined and interview by accidentally dropping juice on an idol that refused to do the interview until you were kicked out of the building, your boss sending you home for the day, Wonho manage to finish things in studio and reach to your home, arms strongly wrapped around you while he whispered that every will turn out fine. He was there when you were promoted and you became one of the editors for the company, you could stop jumping of joy on Wonho’s bed, he had to lock you putting himself on top of you to stop you before you could break the bed, that ended in both of you enjoying each other all night, breaking the bed anyways.

The only hard times was when he was on tour, spending months away from each other, in occasions, he managed to come and see you for a few hours, if not you talk for hours in the phone or through video chat, you never missed a v live, and you could tell how Wonho looked at the camera like he knew there was someone special watching.

You always ask him if he could leave you some of his clothes when he had to go, something was comforting about just wearing his t-shirts and smell him through them. he told you should stay in his apartment, that way you could feel more comfortable when he was away, and you did, every time you arrived tired from the day you felt better by just crossing the door.

Saturday morning you wake up under the cover, a smile crossed your face when you felt the sense of Wonho in them, you grabbed the sheet and cover your face, you felt so light, almost flying of pure joy.

“I wish you were here” you whisper thinking on how you could hug tightly to your boyfriend, he was far away, Los Angeles today if you weren’t wrong, you talk about your plans for the weekend two days ago, nothing much, you were planning to be around the apartment, work on some articles and try to catch up with your series. you were more curious about what his plans were, but he never tell you, he never gave you the chance to ask him, every time you tried he changed the subject, 

“what article are you working now? What's your favorite series? “who is your favorite character?” question bombarding you, maybe this is some idols and actors were so impatient in interviews.

You didn’t hear the sound of the door or the quiet step of someone one coming, you look at the men with a toned body cover in a tight dark t-shirt, and the sheeply smile that was marked in his face looking at you.

You jump from the bed like the happiest puppy in the word and jump on top of Wonho "Wonho bunny!"  he grabs you just in time to hold you, on arm under your leg and the other on your low waist keeping you close of him.

He rested his head in the space of your neck, your arms around him, before he could speak you took his face to kiss him, lips glued softly, as he parted just a little they came back together like magnets, moving in coordination, you wanted to ask him about this surprise, How did he get here in such a short time? how long would he stay? but you didn't want to take off from him, and he didn’t want to either.

You felt the how he move carrying you until he rest your body on the bed, his hands now free from moving, one travel by your leg, the other reach your face, where he strokes your cheek with your thumb, peeling his lips off yours slowly, he begins to see you with that tenderness in his eyes, making your cheeks stain soft pink, he always had that effect in you, no matter what, he always made you feel like a young girls in love for the first time, you couldn't hide it, neither you wanted to. 

“You miss me that much?” he asks you whispering like it was your secret.

“every day” you wrapped him between your arms, caressing hair between your fingers “I'm so happy you're here bunny”

“I wanted to surprise you, so I managed to escape for a day to see you”

One day, 24 hours you have with him, it wasn't long, you missed him so much you wanted to be glued to him if you could do it for the rest of the tour you'll do it for this 24 hours.

“Then I will not let you go” you started kissing him more fervor this time, he went to kiss your jaw, going down to your neck, but you didn't feel his lips, it was his nose that caressed the skin of your neck, feeling how he smell you, the air made you tickle a little.

“baby, you smell different” 

Your eyes open, your mind is blank, a few weeks ago your shampoo ran out, so you used Wonho's, so did with the soap, the smelling of wonho in your skin made you feel better about him being away, so you used every day, some of your work colleagues funded weird you smelling like a man, but it made you happy, so you didn't care, now you didn't know how Wonho would find this.

“Ahaa.. well, my shampoo ran off one day, so I use yours”

Wonho lifts his face to see you, his face didn’t say much, he wanted you to go on.

“I was planning on buying my shampoo after but, I like it feeling your smell so, I just ended using it every day instead.. your soap too”

Wonho clenched his lips, trying to prevent his smile a little, then let go “Well I love it”

“you do?”

“yes” he buried his face back to your neck, kissing you while he smells his essence in you “It’s like I’m marked in you” he put his free hand in your waist, squeezing it a little “you’re mine ____” 

he starts kissing your neck, he went down to your collar bones, looking up to see you, "did you use it in all your body?" you nodded, he smiled more playful than before.

"then I'll kiss all of you" 

The hand in your face was now in the back of your neck, the other pass under the big t-shirt to feel your skin, leaving kisses in your chest, The hand in your face was now in the back of your neck, the other pass under the big t-shirt to feel your skin, leaving kisses in your chest, he pulled the t-shirt above your one breast, revealing an already hard nipple, he rubbed his nose in it, you moaned softly, the action was strange but it turned you on, he was now sucking you nipple, your moans started to get a little louder, he took your t-shirt off leaving it somewhere in the bed, or the floor, who cares, he repeated the same care he did in your other breast, the hand in your waist was squeezing your other breast, playing with your nipple.

He kissed you, traveling from your stomach to your thighs, he went low through one leg reaching your feet, he went up through your other leg, he stopped back in your thighs, leaving them marked with big pink spot, that will turn purple the next morning, he stood up to take off his dark t-shirt, revealing his pale workout body, he took off your panties, who knows where they fall, kissing your core immediately, it's been around two months without his touch, there was no time to waste.

"Baby, even you pretty pussy smells like me" you could feel Wonho smirk in you skin, his tongue moving in your insides making you weep, you grabbed his hair around your fingers, you catch a short view of him, he was deep inside you, nose playing with your clit, his chin covered in your juices, you throw you head back, seeing the scene made you more heated, you started to move your hip, riding his face, he was now introducing his finger, deep, and slowly, "Bu.. bunny, I'm close" soon after that his finger moves a little faster, more, and more until you reach out whimpering his name, his fingers slowing his speed,  he started to leave small kisses around your area, going up until he reach you face, you kiss him, feeling you own cum in his lips.

“wonho, bunny… take off your pants”

on cue you heard the sound of his belt hit the floor he had only boxers know, close to your core, you could feel the heat that his member was giving, you feel how he started to moving you, you got comfortable, sitting in his lap, his back was pressed in the headboard, you both took a short moment to look at each other, he caresses your cheek like before, you reach his hand to kiss the palm.

"I missed you every day too," he said it looking to your eyes deeply, you kiss him again, his lips still tasted like you.

you felt his hand reaching to the hem of his boxers, freeing his hard, and warm member, you got up for him to put the tip of cock in your entrance, you started to go down slowly, you were both breathing heavily when your thighs were touching, he straightened his back making your bodies glued back again, you start moving your hips up and down, Wonho was growling softly in your breast then he kiss your chest, moving to your collarbones, elbows, and arm, he really was kissing every inch in your body, you were moving faster now, he grabbed your ass, helping you moving so you don't lose the speed, he was going to kiss your other arm this time he would pass through your neck,  when he reaches your palm you were too loss, you could feel Wonho's member stretching your inside, how the tip of his cock hit your core making you moan.

His hand was grabbing your ass more tightly, he lean your back to the bed, putting you under him, you wrap him between your legs as he started to move faster, hitting that stop every second, your moans became long and too loud, he grabbed one of your ankles putting it in his neck, tightening your inside more, as expected he started kissing it, almost biting it, you came to fast to tell him, he slowed down his speed for you could ride your orgasm.

once you got your breathing back, he was turning in four against the bed, he turned your head to side so you could kiss him while he grabs your hair, he kissed you down to the back of your neck, he introduced himself back to you, your mouth open with a silent moan, he moved slowly but strong, he wasn't just kissing your back now, he was almost biting it, you feel your skin being sucked through his teeth, growling deep.

He was close to come, yet he didn't want to abuse you, you came twice already, your body was too sensitive “Wonho,” 

“___… my b, by” he only manage to answer between growlings

"wonho, come inside me, please" his movements started to be faster, hitting again that spot making your eyes travel to the back of your head, just a few movements were enough to reach his point, he came inside you, filling your walls and leaving more of his scent inside you, the feeling made you came to, your back arched with Wonho's head resting in it.

your breathing was short, your body to sensible to move, Wonho pulls himself off you slowly, feeling how your insides were empty without the filling of his member, you cover your mouth to make your whimper low.

He pulled his boxers back, you hear his step going to the bathroom, he was taking his time inside, you wonder if he was okay, but before you could call him he came back with a wet cloth, he move your body carefully to clean you up, he managed to move you, hugged you in a bridal style, you body was still numb so you could only rest your head in his chest, he carries you to the bathroom where you spotted the tub filled, he got you to stand up inside first, you will still hold on him, he made you sit, the warm water felt nice and your body was fresher the smell of lavender and mint made more relaxed when you open your eyes Wonho was sitting outside the tub caressing the skin in your hand.

“I’m sorry, I let myself go” he kissed your hand 

“It's okay, I think there's no part of me that wasn't kissed by you, and I like it” 

“Yes, but I left your back all bitten,”

“It’s okay, nothing that won't heal” your hand move to his face “but if you want to make it up to me I would like if you join me”

He smiled back with that lovely big smile nodding, your body better enough to move by yourself making him room for him, he put his chest in your back, your body between his thick legs,  you rested your head in the space of his neck, while he massages your head.

"I'm going to use all of your things if this is my reward, bunny"

Monsta X m.List

→ a/n: I love this story, making Wonho the soft dominant, and caring bf that I wish a had, tell me if you liked it.

Ⓒ mooncaramel 2020 , all rights reserved , Do not copy , translate , repost

You told yourself you’d only fuck him once. That it was a one night stand, that it wouldn’t happen again. But there he was. And you couldn’t help what you wanted.

The bass pounded through the club and though there were hundreds of people packed onto the dance floor, you could feel his eyes on you.

You could sense him there, on the other side of the dance floor, shirtless under his blazer – his signature look.

You could feel the way he watched you move, chatting with your friends, pulling random guys to dance with you. Could feel the jealously that splashed over you in a wave of heat as he glared, then fill you up yourself as you watched him take a pretty blonde on his arm and slide his hands over her ass, pulling her closer to grind.

It gave you flashbacks to the night you had met. Out in a club much like this one, how you had flirted with each other for weeks, using your bodies and seductive glances, and finally how one night you had let him take you home, and he had given you the best fuck of your life.

You had both been a little drunk, on sex and alcohol, and had ended up talking more than you thought you would. More than you thought you should. He had been so sweet in the morning, wanting to cuddle, asking if you had wanted breakfast, maybe a date? And that’s when you had panicked. That’s when you had lied. Laughed at him, made him feel like all his feelings were once sided, told him it was a one night stand, nothing more.

You had left him in the bed, your heart racing as you poured him more of your lies, lies to keep you safe, lies to keep you sane. Your cocoon of protection, even at the cost of his heart. 

You shake your head and try to get rid of the memory, watching as he dips the blonde low and presses an open-mouthed kiss to her throat. And you hate hate hate it.

Grabbing a muscular guy from the sidelines, you wink and place his hands low on your hips, running your palms down his chest and try to distract yourself.

The beat pulses around you and you don’t realize you and your dance partner are feet away from Hoseok and his until you look over and see his hard gaze.

Smirking, you turn around and grind on your partner, letting him kiss your neck as you lock eyes with Hoseok and raise an eyebrow. What are you gonna do about it?

His mouth hardens into a firm line and he spins his blonde so she accidentally bumps into your pawn and lays a giggly hand on his arm in apology. Your guy immediately pulls away from you and Hoseok quickly takes his place, sliding his hands around your waist and giving your dance partner and his blonde a laughing smile as you switch partners.

He looks at you and raises an eyebrow back. That.

“Smooth move,” you smirk, sliding your arms around his neck.

“Do you enjoy hurting me?” he hisses, pressing you tighter against him, his breath hot against your neck.

You lift your chin in defiance. “I don’t know what you mean.”

He snorts and grabs your arm, dragging you off the dance floor and near the dark corner of the exit.

“Oh, I think you know exactly what I mean. Rubbing yourself over all the guys in this goddamn club, sending me sultry glances while you do so. Do you think I don’t notice your game?” His voice lowers to a growl and you try to ignore the wave of heat that it sends straight to your core.

You smirk up at him. “You seemed awfully busy with that busty blonde. I see no reason why you should be paying attention to little old me.”

He glares at you and seems about to say something before he clenches his jaw and looks away.

You flip your hair off your shoulder and try to play it cool, smirking up at him. “Aww… does someone have a little crush?”

He whips his head to look at you and you see his jaw tick as he steps forward and slams his hand against the wall beside your head.

“Stop. Playing. Games.” He growls, and your mind races to think of something witty to say to get yourself out of this.

You lift your chin to meet his eyes. “Maybe I like playing games with you.” You whisper, staring back defiantly.

Something flashes in his eyes before he kisses you, and it’s hard and unrelenting, so different from the sweet man who had taken you to bed a month ago and made you ache in all the ways you didn’t know you could. This was not that man. This man was taking from you, sucking something out of you, and whatever it was, you wanted him to have it.  

He’s kissing you so hard you can barely register anything as he pulls you out the door and pushes your back against the wall of the alley, latching his mouth to yours again.

You’re pulling at each other desperately, trying to get more of each other, and you know that there is some part of your brain telling you to stop, that you need to pull back, lie, finish the game, win…but you don’t want to anymore.

His hand slides under your skirt and you gasp against his mouth when his fingers find your slick.

“No panties?” he mumbles against you, pulling away to lick your ear. “So keen for anyone to stick their dick up your cunt tonight?” He tsks and pushes two fingers inside you, making you clench around him. “Dirty girl.”

“You should know,” you mumble back, pressing hot kisses against his throat. “I like being stretched.”

He growls and pushes you harder against the wall, pressing your thighs so you jump and wrap them around you. He fumbles with his jeans and pulls himself out, already fully hard. Your breath catches as you catch sight of him, memories of your first time together racing back, how good he had felt inside you and you tremble, reaching down for him to line him up against you.

He slides against your slick and you whimper, bucking your hips.

“What, you want to be fucked baby? You want to be stretched so good?”

You nod and grab his base making him groan. “Stretch me, fill me all the way. Please. Hoseok, please.” You beg, pressing his tip to your heat and he presses his forehead against yours.

“Look at me,” he demands, and your eyes meet his as he pushes in all at once, making you cry out and swear, your eyes watering.

When he’s finally inside you, you feel like you can finally breathe again. The stretch of him burns slightly but you love it. Love how much he stretches you, how much he fills you. He begins to grind his hips against yours and you whine.

“Fuck me, Hoseok. Fuck me.”

He chuckles low in his throat. “I thought you didn’t want to fuck me ever again? ‘It’s a one night stand Hoseok, it doesn’t mean anything’” he mocks the words you had said to him a month ago and you ache. From your heart to your cunt. You want to make him feel better but also get him to fuck you like a whore at the same time.

He continues his relentless slow grind, building you so slowly, and it’s not enough.

“It meant something,” you whimper, gripping at his jacket and trying to buck your hips into his. “I – I was just scared.”

He stills his hips completely. “You just want to be fucked. That’s the only reason you’re saying that.”

“No no no no,” you whimper, biting at his neck. “I swear to god. You… me… we just… I liked you so much, but feelings are hard for me.” You pick at his blazer, trying to avoid meeting his eyes. “And when you cuddled me the morning after, asked me on a date… it was all so much. I was feeling too much. I got scared. So I did what I do best.” You look up and meet his eyes nervously, feeling his hands clench at your hips.

“So I lied… and I ran.” You whisper, and he just stares at you.

“You…ran… because you liked me back?”

You nod.

“And you lied, because you wanted to hurt me?” He grits his teeth and you feel his grip on you tighten. His hips begin to grind slowly against yours again.

“I- yes.”

“Such pretty little lies you tell…” he groans, and you can hear the pinch of pain in the back of his throat. “Pretty little lies for a pretty little face… and a pretty little cunt.” With that, he slides almost all the way out of you and slams back into you, just once, making you cry out.

He presses his hand over your mouth. “No. No more sounds. No more lies. Just listen.” He’s looking at you so earnestly and you can do nothing but nod.

“It’s okay to have feelings. Okay? It’s not healthy to hold them back. So listen to me. I like you. You like me. Try this, with me. Try not hiding. No more running. No more lies.”

You nod against his palm.

He pulls his hand away from your mouth. “Promise?”

“Promise,” you whisper, looking him in the eyes. “No more lies.”

He nods once and slams into you. This time, when you cry out, he doesn’t silence you, pulling your legs up higher against his waist and hitting you harder.

“That’s it baby,” he grunts, adjusting the angle so he can hit you harder. “Let the world know who is fucking you.”

You’re climbing fast, clutching at his jacket trying to hold on for dear life as he pushes into you over and over again. The only sounds you can hear are the skin slapping skin and labored breathing as he sucks at your neck, surely leaving bruises in his wake.

When you come, you swear you almost hear the rip of his blazer at the collar as you dig your fingers into it hard to pull him closer to you.

You press your head into his neck as his thrusts become sloppier and he comes inside of you with a low grunt.

He holds you for a minute, pressed up against the wall, still inside of you as he catches his breath.

Tilting your face up to him he looks into your eyes earnestly. “Don’t run. You promised. No running, and no more of your pretty little lies.”

You nod, tears beginning to well up in your eyes as you reach for his face and kiss him desperately.

He groans and you feel him twitch inside you before he pulls back and lowers your legs to the ground, slipping out of you.

You straighten yourselves before he reaches for your hand and pulls you into the street, hailing a taxi.

His hand slips down to cup your ass as he pulls you possessively closer to him and murmurs in your ear.

“I’m going to fuck every little lie you’ve told me out of your body.”

Hyunwoo (Shownu)

When you sit him down to talk to him about taking a break, he's all ears, leaned forward in his seat, watching your face, and it makes it so hard

He's just gone all the time, and you're lonely, and you're afraid he'll find someone on tour and for all you know he's not even that into you anyway

"I think we need some time apart," you say finally, and he says.... Nothing

He leans back against the chair, looking a little shell shocked at first, and he's quiet for an instant that seems like hours

"If that's what you think is best, Jagiya." He says finally, voice low and soft

And that's it, that's all he says, only nodding when you try to explain further

When he takes you to the door, he pulls you to him, gives you the softest kiss, and it leaves tears in your eyes

But then you don't hear from him, you don't hear about him, it's radio silence

Everyone is watching him, all his friends, and they're all hovering, and Hyunwoo hates it

He doesn't want to talk about it

He doesn't want to think about it

It is what it is, you are happier without him

He avoids your social media like the plague, stiffens everytime he hears your name

When you finally break and text him, just "hey," he stares at his phone for twenty minutes

He finally texts you back in kind, just "hi" and when you don't answer he feels like someone is standing on his chest

He doesn't know what to do with it, the way he feels, the void in him

He didn't choose a partner lightly, and when he'd confessed to you, red faced and quiet, and you'd kissed him, he'd been so happy, and stayed happy

But you didn't. You were lonely and restless and he does think about it, late at night, alone in his room

He thinks about why you'd decided to go now, if you needed something else.... someone else

That's not something he can let himself think about, that's not a train of thought he can continue, it makes him feel sick

He ends up barely sleeping, going to the gym instead

He's barely home

He's barely eating

Everyone keeps asking if he's okay and he feels like something is coiling inside of him, a spring ready to pop

Finally, at dinner, it does, and he roars out. "No! I'm not. I'm not okay," lowering his voice at the end when Minhyuk jumps and spills his drink

He excuses himself, quietly, but his hands are shaking when he looks down at them

Finally you send: I miss you, and it's like you've taken the air from his lungs

His thumbs don't work, suddenly, and he calls you instead

When you answer, the words come out in a rush, "Come home."

"Hyunwoo..."

He hears the hesitancy in your voice and his eyes are burning.

"Please," he says, voice cracking, but he can't hear your shaking breath anymore, you've hung up.

He doesn't sleep that night

Hoseok (Wonho)

"I feel like I'm holding you back," you say, when you tell him you think you should break up

He just looks at you with big, dark eyes for a moment, shellshocked

"But you.... you're everything to me, Jagi. You...you want to leave me?"

"I think....I think I have to." You can't look at him, just picking up the bag you'd packed

He goes quiet except for his heavy breathing and a hitched sob

You've got your hand on the door and he chokes out, "Please... don't go. We can talk about it. I'll do better. I'll be better, just...please, Y/n..."

You want to tell him it isn't him, that he's perfect but you're not strong enough to miss him all the time but tears are clogging your throat and you just leave

There's no air in the room suddenly, he's hyperventilating and sobbing and he can't do this, not again, not with you

You were different, you'd said, he'd been wary and he'd fallen for you so hard and fast half of him wanted to run but you'd been so earnest and open....

You were supposed to be different

You were supposed to be the one who stayed

But here he was, alone, watching the door through tears as if you'll come back, tell him you've changed your mind, that you want him after all

It takes no time at all before he spirals, starts thinking you were right, he'd left you alone too long, and even if he'd been home all along he wasn't enough

Doesn't get out of bed until his members drag him out

Barely functioning, such a big soft sad boy

Staring into space a lot, crying at the drop of the hat

He types out dozens of drafts in his texts but he doesn't send them

You don't want to hear from him

You don't want him

He wants to be angry, wants to pound out everything he's feeling buried in another woman but he can't do it

He can't be anything but miserable

Rereads every sweet text you've ever sent him, all your couple selfies, crying so hard he makes himself sick

He can't take pleasure in overexertion from the gym or piles of food anymore

Considers going back to old habits, the sting of liquor, nicotine staining his fingers but in the end he won't

In the end he wants to be a better man than that, someone you might come back to

That's what kills him, what burns in his chest is hope, hope that maybe if he just tries harder to mold himself into what you want...

He stares at his phone every night for hours, praying you'll text

Kihyun

It ends after a fight, after his cruel words cutting through you one two many times

He's cruel because everything about you hurts, because he loves you too much, loves you too hard he doesn't know what to do with it

You've had enough, pack a bag while he's watching, cold eyed, arms crossed across his chest

"Where do you think you're going?"

You don't answer, breathing hard, willing yourself not to cry, shoving clothes in a bag

"So you're leaving me?"

He shouldn't be surprised, after all he'd been picking fights, pushing you away

But now there's a rock in his stomach, his head pulsing

Don't go, he wants to say. Don't go because I love you. Don't go because I'm sorry, I'm sorry I was testing you but I just don't know how to feel this much. Stay and help me, yeah? Stay and help me learn how. You're the only one who can.

In the end, he stays cold, says something about how he'd always known you'd go and your angry, hurt eyes pierce right through him when you look back before slamming the door behind you.

He doesn't tell anyone for the longest time

Has extra wine at dinner and bags under his eyes from not sleeping but he won't say a word, at least not until there's a picture of you with someone else's arm around your waist

Everyone's treating him like glass, sidestepping around your name and he knows there's been something, searches your name and instantly his heart seizes up

You're wearing a mask, your head down, but he'd know your body anywhere, had spent days exploring it with his mouth and hands

It's after a bottle and a half of wine that his pride goes out the window, when he finally calls you and leaves slurred promises on your voicemail stained with red wine and regret

Tears trickles down your cheeks when you hear it, his voice low and husky with lack of sleep and wine

"Do you let him touch you like I do, Jagi?" A hitched breath. "It doesn't matter. It doesn't matter, just come home. You left before I could tell you how much I love you. It makes my heart feel like it will burst, every time you smile at me and...I wanted to push you away because it felt like too much." A long sigh, just his shaky breathing for a moment. "Does he hold you, after? Ah, Jagiya...Y/n..."

His voice breaks and the message ends and you're a mess, wanting to call back but you talk yourself out of it, focus on how his voicemail was fueled my jealousy and alcohol

Kihyun turns off his phone volume, can't stand the way his heart stops when he gets a text, the bitter taste in his mouth when it isn't you

Minhyuk

It's an argument that goes too far, our sunshine boy can have a sharp tongue

He's just gotten home from tour and tensions are high

He doesn't mean it, he's just angry and frustrated by how much he has to be away from you and how much of your life he is missing

When you start packing a bag he's angry, all for it, helping you pack

"Fine! Go!"

He's mad you're considering leaving but you'll cool off, you always threaten to go after a fight but you never do

You make it all the way to the door before he panics, rushes to shut it with one hand, boxing you in with his body

"You're not really going, baby?" His voice softens and you're shaking with anger but it hurts your heart, the fear in his eyes

But when you push him away and open the door his dark eyes are flashing again, rejection stinging too much to beg you not to go

"If you want to go, fine. But don't try to come back." His voice is shaking, tears aching at the back of his throat

You go anyway, slamming the door behind you, and he's breathing hard, wants to yell and throw things

He ends up distracting himself, going out and hoping when he gets home you'll be there, but you aren't and you won't answer his calls or texts and he just gets angrier and angrier

He's the type to channel all those negative feelings into self destructing, lots of casual sex, fucking out his feelings and trying to forget your face

Stays busy, overworks himself so that he's exhausted and can't think too much

Happy go lucky in public, almost manic, acts like he doesn't care, tells himself he doesn't care but he cares so much

Smile doesn't quite reach his eyes anymore

Blows off questions about you from the members, shrugging, "She wanted to go, what am I gonna do?"

But alone, late at night when he's physically tired but his mind is racing, he scrolls through all the pictures in his camera roll, lets himself wallow for a couple hours

Lets himself remember how your skin felt beneath his hands, takes one of your sweaters out of the laundry to breathe in your scent

Types out texts begging you to come home but deletes them, ends up sleeping with your sweater, a small comfort

Hyungwon

It's your decision but it feels almost mutual, him agreeing with your concerns and that you needed a break

There are tears and hugs and soft kisses and you're glad it didn't end angry

The thing is, for Hyungwon, it didn't end at all

Needing space seems logical to him but he's just sitting at home, waiting for you to call, waiting for you to figure out he's where home is, patiently

"She'll be back," he says confidently when one of the members asks if he's okay. "She just needs time."

It's a month before he sees you, just walks past and you wave and smile just a little wistfully, hand in hand with someone else

He can't even pretend to smile back, he feels paralyzed, like he's been shot through the spine

It isn't the guy, it isn't that you're seeing someone else, although the idea makes his stomach roll, that hurts the most

It's that little smile, the wave

Like you were waving to an old friend, a near stranger

It hurts deep in his bones, makes his head feel full and fuzzy like he has the flu, limbs feeling heavy

He just tries to sleep through it but for once he can't, every time he closes his eyes he sees that little smile on your face

It's Hoseok who hears him sobbing through the wall and comes in his room, alarmed

"She's not coming back, is she, Hyung?" Hyungwon asks, voice choked with tears

Hoseok doesn't know what to say, hugs him as he sobs into his shirt

He stays in his room for days, has to cancel practices because he just can’t bring himself to move

Everyone tells him to call you but he can’t bring himself to dial, can’t bring himself to hear that it’s over from your lips

Jooheon

He's mad when you say you're leaving after a fight, throwing your clothes back in the drawer, stomping around, grabbing your bag off your shoulder and throwing it on the floor

"You don't get to leave. You aren't leaving." He says, fiercely, wiping away angry tears

"You can't stop me. It's over. I'm done." You snap back, wrestling your bag back, yanking the door open

He follows you into the hall, to your car, panic climbing up his throat

"Wait, wait, Y/n....baby, please. I'm sorry. It's just a fight, yeah? Come back inside so we can talk-"

You have to push him away, have to get in your car and speed off because he won't stop

He stands in the parking lot for a long time, chest heaving

An absolute mess

Drinking, partying too much, pretending to be happy when everyone around him is worried

Skipping practice, showing up to meetings half drunk or hungover, getting in trouble with the company, all those bad boy habits he kept at bay for you coming back

Everyone tries to talk to him and he just gets angry, throwing things around his room, breaking glasses on the regular

He’s mad and he’s sad and he doesn’t want to fucking talk about it unless it’s to you and unless it makes you come home

So many drunk texts and voicemails, sometimes angry, sometimes sexy, sometimes with his voice husky from crying, usually a combination of all three

"I miss how tight you used to grip me, baby. I miss the curve of your hip, where your waist dipped? I miss kissing you there." Deep breaths, as if he's been running, voice full of longing. "I miss your smile. Fuck, Y/n...please call me back. Please come home. I'll do anything you want, baby, just..."

It cuts off and he's just crying and eventually you start deleting them before listening because it hurts too much

You figure he'll stop but he doesn't, keeps calling hoping one night you'll pick up

Changkyun (I.M)

An argument that ends in him giving you the cold shoulder and you getting so mad you leave

Him shrugging, pretending not to care while a vice squeezed his heart

"You'll come crawling back," he says easily, only making you more upset

Half of him believes that, half of him really thinks you'll cool off and come back apologizing

The other half is in a full panic, wondering what happens if you don't, if you'll move on, and he can't think about it too much without wanting to scream

So he throws himself into work, making beats, writing lyrics that all end up being about you

It only takes 24 hours before he calls, and you answer

"When you coming home?" He asks, trying to keep his tone light and airy even though he hasn't slept a wink

"I'm not. It's over." You say flatly, and his throat works before he answers, voice suddenly hoarse

"Don't say that. Just...just come home and let's talk, honey. Just-"

You hang up on him, knowing he'll talk you into it, and he wants to break his phone, wants to destroy his room

That night he can't stop thinking, can't stop spiralling, thinking things like: What if she never loved me? What if she never comes back? What if there's someone else?

He can't handle it, the thoughts, the way he's thisclose to tears when he hears your name

He doesn't go out, doesn't talk to anyone, drinks alone listening to sad songs, and when his head is fuzzy and his heart aching he calls you over and over and over again

You don't answer, eventually block his number and it's like there's something living inside him, clawing at his insides and he can barely breathe when he takes an Uber to your house

Stands at your door smelling like a distillery, leaning against the doorjamb, eyes hazy but angry at first

"You can't tell me it's over. You can't decide that. Not without talking to me."

You try to shut the door and he blocks it with his foot

Turns on a dime, dignity lost, tears rolling down his cheeks, sobs catching in his chest

"I'm sorry, okay? I'm sorry honey, please...please just let me in so we can talk. Please just....God, I miss you so fucking much."

You let him in, fighting tears, and he's swaying on his feet so you sit him down on the couch and he tugs your hand, pulls you into his lap, holding you so tight it hurts your ribs

"Tell me how we can fix it, honey. I...I need to fix it."

You try to shake your head, explain to him that you can't, that you need to think but he's kissing you, whimpering into your mouth

Breakup sex is a thing that happens more often than it should

It hurts so much when it's over but he only feels like he can breathe again when he's inside you, when he can feel your skin

When you leave he feels like you take all the oxygen with you

He gets desperate enough to talk to his hyungs, get advice and comfort, crying and talking into the wee hours of the morning

They all warn him against hooking up with you but he can't stop

You're the one that ends it and he feels like you've dropped him in ice water

Everything seems to freeze and days pass without talking to you, without touching you and he doesn't know how he'll survive it

Somehow he does, but he can't help how desperate he gets, buys burner phones to try and hear your voice, get you to talk to him