You can't compare Rusame to Heated Rivalry because their Rivalry was notoriously not Heated. It was rather cold actually. And more like a war than a rivalry. You may even call it a cold war
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sometimes, Buck wakes up in the middle of the night.
he's drenched in cold sweat and has to choke out a gasp around a mouth full of bile, the stench of dirt in his nose and the taste of mud and sweat heavy on his tongue.
on nights when he's truly alone - when Chris is with Carla, or Denny, anywhere Buck knows he'll be safe - he wakes up screaming. it's nothing intelligible, just a guttural sound (it might have been Eddie's name once upon a time) that rips through his throat as tears soak his sheets but whatever it is, it's the closest thing Buck will ever get to 'I love you'.
when he thinks about that he wants to scream again.
sometimes, staying awake is as bad as being asleep.
he starts counting his fingers at the station, a trick he picked up from some bad TV show. he says it's just a way to focus, or ground himself, and that's not entirely a lie, but really he just wants to check to see if he's awake or if this is all just some terrible, terrible fucking dream.
he used to hope for one or the other. now he's not sure which would be worse.
he tries to distract himself, but he only ever gets halfway. he could be a punchline away from the end of a story that has Hen and Chim doubled over, and he'll instinctively turn his head to see if Eddie's laughing at him or rolling his eyes or doing that thing where he tries to hide his smile behind his hand.
by the time he realizes what he's doing, he's usually forgotten the end of his story anyway.
sometimes he wants to quit.
these are the darkest times of all. through everything that LA had thrown at him, come hell or high water (come lawsuit or tsunami, Eddie jokes used to joke), the 118 was the one constant in his life, but now?
now Buck takes sick days and personal days and bereavement days and people encourage it. they tell him to take time, all the time he needs, and no one comes barging into his apartment to pull him out of bed.
instead, people ask how he's doing and how Chris is doing and if he's talking to anyone and Buck can't find the words to say his heart has been fucking carved out of his chest and 'good days' are when he feels numb and how Chris deserves his dad, his real dad, not the human husk Buck has turned into.
he can't find a way to say how fucking badly he wishes that he was the one buried sixty feet under with a drill and a mudslide instead of the love of his life (realized far too late)
so instead Buck lies.
he lies and Eddie would be so fucking mad at him -
but that doesn't matter anymore because Eddie is gone
talk to me about king christopher, intentionally or not, helping his two dads figure out theyāre in love with each other š¤ xoxo
cailee, you beautiful wonderful tropical fish, did you know you had a direct line to my soul with asks like this?
There was a very, very good reason that whenever anyone asked Edmundo Diaz about his son, the first word that he used to describe Chris was āsmartā.
Chris was a caring boy, a kind boy, a kid who had known loss and grief in his life, more than any child should. He had survived earthquakes, tsunamis, surgeries, death, and that had shaped him into a kid that was incredibly sweet, empathetic, but most of all, smart.
Eddie knew it, of course; he was incredibly proud of his son, of the work he did in school, of the friends he made, of the person that he was growing into. Chris was bright, and he was bubbly, and he was whip quick in a way that Eddie sincerely wished he could be an adult, let alone as a kidābut that wit usually came as a double edged sword.
Because as proud as Eddie was of his son, Chris had a knack of thinking circles around everyone, himself included.
Eddie knew when he was being played for extra video game time, and knew damn well when Chris batted his eyes for a sick day from school, but Eddie figured that was about as far as things went. As far as Eddie was concerned, as long as his grades stayed up and he stayed happy with his friends, a little special treatment wouldnāt hurt.
So it only made sense that when Chris decided to wield his powers for good where his father was concerned, Eddie had no idea what was coming.
āDad, can we go over to Buckās house to play some video games tonight?ā
Eddie smiled, watching Chris tilt his cell phone to get through whatever game he was playing in the rear view mirror as they made the trek home from Abuelaās. He had to admit, while the best possible thing that had come out of him joining the 118 was the easy friendship that he found with Buck, the easy friendship that Chris and Buck seemed to have made was a close second.
āI dunno buddy, Buck might already have dinner plans. Besides, you know itās rude for us to invite ourselves over.ā Eddie said, catching Chrisā eye in at a stoplight. He was thankful for their friendship, of course, but that didnāt mean that he didnāt feel a little guilty about monopolizing all of Buckās time when they were both off the clock. Ā
The look Chris gave him was thoroughly unimpressed as he held up Eddieās phone, speaking like it was actually paining him to have to explain himself. āDad, Buck was the one who asked. He says we should bring over pizza!ā
...okay, Eddie might have felt bad about being attached to Buck at the hip, but that didnāt mean he was about to deny himself the pleasure when Buck was the one to initiate some time together. And Eddie definitely wasnāt going to say no when he knew that Chris was looking forward to spending time with Buck just as much as Eddie was.
Even if Eddie knew he enjoyed Buckās company for entirely different reasons.
āHey, thanks for having us over.ā Eddie said softly, once pizza had been devoured, and Buck had his ass thoroughly kicked (With Chris, Buck definitely threw his matchesābut with Eddie, well, there was no denying the cry of defeat whenever Eddie skimmed past him into first). āChris loves spending time with you, you make his night whenever he gets to see you.ā
Buck grinned back at him, that easy smile that made Eddieās heart do things he didnāt care to identify as he shrugged his shoulders. āYou know I love spending some time with my Diaz boys. This was definitely one of your better ideas.ā he said easily, clearing the table, sliding the pizza box into the fridge.
Eddie opened his mouth to respond, pausing before any words could come out, a curious look crossing his face. He reached around Buck and grabbed two beers, handing one to Buck after he cracked them open. āYou mean, thanks for the pizza. This was your idea, after all.ā
It was Buckās turn to look confused, swallowing a mouthful of beer as he pulled his phone out. āNo, Eddie, pretty sure you sending me a message that said āgame night, weāll bring pizzaā was pretty clear.ā Ā
Eddie blinked as he looked at Buckās phoneāsure enough, the message was there plain as day, and he shot a curious look over to Chris, who was conked out on the couch. Buck followed his gaze, chuckling when he put two and two together, shaking his head. āHey, go easy on him... after all, itās not like I had any other plans.ā
āBuck...ā
āNo, Iām serious.ā Buck said, his face holding that soft, sweet grin. āAfter all, itās... well, I like spending time with you. With, um, both of you I mean.ā he murmured over the mouth of his beer bottle, pink raising in his cheeks as Eddie took a swig of his own. He didnāt trust himself to respond and instead linked his ankle with Buckās beneath the table, trusting the gesture would say enoughāand judging by the grin Buck shot him, the message was received loud and clear.
Unseen to either of them, Chris had a small smile on his face, peeking through his lashes as he watched the two from his space on the couch.
--
In retrospect, Buck probably should have asked what all was entailed in Career Day when Chris asked he and Eddie to show up to his school at 9am.
All he had expected was that he and Eddie would get to show the kids some of their tools, some of their gear, and then answer some questions. What he got was a room full of single moms (and dads) that were looking at Eddie like he was good enough to eat.
Which, letās be real, Eddie was. Especially when he was partially suited up, PPE from the waist down, a 118 tee shirt, and the thick red suspenders to hold everything together. Saying he looked delicious was selling it short, but that didnāt mean Buck liked a room full of strangers being so blatant about it.
It was all he could do to stand back and not cause a scene as yet another mom walked up to Eddie and put her hand on his bicep, laughing at a joke far too loudly, for far too long. The only saving grace was the look that Eddie shot him while she had her head tossed back, rolling his eyes so hard that Buck thought he was going to hurt himself.
As Chris took his turn and made it up to the front of the class, Buck couldnāt deny feeling a little bit self conscious as he stood beside Eddie.
A room full of parents, with their kids, and then Buck.
He wasnāt jealous, okay?
And even if he wasā
āThis is my Dad, and this is my Buck! Theyāre firefighters!ā
āChris knocked that feeling out of him, his eyes nearly bugging out of his head as Chris started his presentation. A quick look at Eddie confirmed that he wasnāt the only one who caught the title, and he dipped his head with a little smile, not bothering to hide how pleased he was.
Pleased because he got to be Chrisā Buck. Not pleased because of the disappointed looks that he could see flicker across half of the single parents faces. Nope, that had nothing to do with it, and if it did, it was no secret that Chris was the real source of his joy.
ā...they use their trucks and ladders to help keep us safe...ā
Chris being an awesome kid was no surpriseāEddie was a great dad, okay?ābut Buck still felt lucky that he got to see such a bright kid in his element like this, and even luckier that he got to help out whenever he could. He let his mind wander as Chris continued to speak, treading into dangerous territory. Chris had called him his Buck, so easily, like it was obvious, and for a moment Buck let himself wonder what it would sound like for Eddie to say the same.
ā...and theyāre super strong, too!ā
Chris turned around, looking directly at Eddie, and Buck had to swallow a snort of a laugh as every eye in the room followed him. Eddie, to his credit, tried to save face, nodding his head. āUh, we... workout every day?ā he said, and Chris giggled as he looked over to Buck.
āDad, you have to show them! Lift Buck up!ā
Now it was Buckās turn to feel every eye swivel over to him, and he was sure his face was bright red in record time. Was this part of the presentation? Did Chris mention this? Buck couldnāt be sure, but honestly, it didnāt exactly sound like something he would have agreed to. He caught Eddieās eye and shrugged helplesslyāafter all, Eddie would be the one doing the heavy lifting, it was kind of out of his hands.
After a shared, barely-there nod, Eddie clapped his hands together, turning back to the class. āSo, uh, this is called a firemanās lift. Itās what we do when we have to carry someone out of a burning building, if they canāt walk out on their own. What we do isāā
āHave you ever had to do it before?ā A blonde boy asked from the second row, his hand straight up in the air, eyes wide. His father, a corporate manager, didnāt look entirely pleased.
Eddie was all smiles, though, as he nodded and looked over to Buck. āWe both have. Our job is to keep people safe, and this is the easiest way to do it.ā
The clear hero worship may have helped Eddie become a little more comfortable, but for Buck, the situation didnāt matterāacting as a dead weight was always going to be a little weird. He sighed and opened his arms as Eddie stepped forward, and he was in the air before he could blink. He twisted his body as Eddie lifted so he could still face the class, focusing on Chrisā smile as his world went sideways.
If Buck thought it was awkward before, the dead silence that met him when Eddie spun around with Buck on his shoulders was completely deafening. It was all Buck could do to focus on keeping himself right side up, and not focus on the firm line of Eddieās shoulders against his side, his strong hands on Buckās thigh and wrapped around his armāand thankfully Buck didnāt have long to follow that train of thought before there were twenty kids cheering for them, clapping wildly.
Okay, note to self; if you want to impress a room full of nine year olds, you just had to lift something heavy up.
Buck found himself smiling again, cheeks feeling permanently pink as Eddie brought him back down to the ground, turning to answer a few questions as they were swarmed with tiny bodies. He loved kids, he always had, and he was definitely in his elementābut he couldnāt get the thought of Eddieās hand on his thigh out of his mind.
He wasnāt sure if it was a blessing or a curse when the weight of Eddieās arm looped around his waist, effectively anchoring him and sending him into another galaxy as Chrisā teacher took a picture of the three of them together.
As Buck leaned into Eddieās touch, he couldnāt help but look down to Chris, who very much looked like the cat that got the canaryāand Buck was content to assume that it was because he obviously had the coolest Career Day presentation.
After all, getting your Dad to deadlift your Buck certainly blew any investment bankers or realty agents out of the water.
--
āYou know, if you actually want to watch a movie, you have to press play on the remote.ā
āShove it, Eds.ā
His words were snippy, but Buck was all smiles as Eddie joined him in the loft, plate in hand, passing Buck a burger and a huge plate of chips as he crashed on the couch beside him. Buck had been listening to the menu theme of some action DVD that Chim had picked out for the better part of a half hour as he scrolled through his phone, his attention quickly pulled to the food. āWhatās wrong, Bobby kick you off the grill again? Made you realize there was more to life than being a meathead?ā Buck said with a teasing smile, and Eddie found himself laughing in spite of himself.
āWell, actually, Carla sent me a few pictures of Chris on his class trip to the zoo today, and I was going to show you, but...ā
āHey, no, what? I think itās awesome that youāre a middle aged grill dad, you look great with that spatula, now show me the pictures!ā Buck said, immediately back tracking, his pride an easy thing to swallow whenever Chris being adorable was involved.
Eddie snorted as he handed over his phone, letting Buck swipe through the photos, and if he happened to be looking at Buck more than he was looking at the photos, well that was his own business. Buck, mercifully, was plenty distractedāthe sight of Chris and a peacock would do that to anyone, Eddie had already set it as his wallpaper.
āEddie, your kid is so fucking cute.ā Buck said as he looked back up at Eddie, smiling as he tapped at Eddieās screen, undoubtedly forwarding a few of the images to his own phone. Buckās phone was only second to Eddieās when it came to cute pictures of Chris, and if Eddie had more than three brain cells bouncing around in his skull, he probably would have looked a little more deeply into that.
Eddie pulled his phone back as another message came through, eyes flickering over the text message as Buck took a huge bite of the burger Eddie brought him.
āHey Buck?ā
āMmmphhgghh?ā
āSay cheese.ā
āEhh, muhnuie!ā
The picture was pretty disgusting, honestlyāBuck had a mouth fit to bursting of burger, sauce and ketchup smeared over his cheek, eyes wide as he turned to the camera. āWhat? Chris wanted to see what we were doing today.ā Eddie said innocently, saving the picture to his camera roll before sending it to Carlaās phone.
āDad I need selfies of you and Buck!ā
The message from Carla came through easy enough, though it was clear that Chris had taken over, and Eddie was still laughing at Buck when he read the message aloud. Buckās scandalized look didnāt go away as he finally swallowed, and Eddie knew he was in trouble the moment Buck reached for his phone, ready for retaliation.
He couldnāt complain when he suddenly had an arm full of Buck, laughing easily as Buck fired up his selfie camera, but his laughter quickly turned into a sound of absolute horror as he felt ketchup against his cheek when Buck smushed their faces together, camera shutter firing rapidly.
āYou are disgusting!ā Eddie finally got out between laughs, shoving Buck aside, who looked all too pleased with himself as he furiously tapped at Eddieās phone, undoubtedly sending the pictures to Carla (and probably Maddie, and Abuela, and maybe his own phone too).
He had to admit, when he finally got his phone back and looked over the pictures, he was a little uncomfortableānot because of the content, but because he had never known he was so fucking obvious when he was looking at Buck. He hadnāt understood the term heart eyes until now, and it kicked his anxiety up just a little bitāhe needed to work on his subtlety.
Then again, the next time he caught a glimpse of Buckās phone, he was stunned to see that the picture of the two of them had made Buckās wallpaper...
...maybe Chris was on to something with the whole selfies idea.
--
āHey Buck?ā
āWhatās up, bud?ā
They had just finished what Buck would not hesitate to call one of the best nights of his lifeāEddie and Chris had shown up with a truck packed full of food, blankets, chairs, and a huge, colorful umbrella. Buck had worried that Chris would be less than thrilled to be near the ocean after the tsunami, but his fears were completely misplacedāChris took to the beach like a crab, and Buckās heart felt lighter than it ever had every time he heard Chrisā laughter, getting to the point where he actually deleted a few apps from his phone to take some more photos.
The icing on the cake, though, was Chris insisting that Buck could read him his bedtime story that night. Eddie looked completely betrayed, even as he insisted it was fine.
It was fucking hilarious.
āYou love me, right?ā
Buck felt his brows raise into his hairline, closing the book as he nudged Chrisā shoulders. āCourse I love you, buddy. Youāre my favorite little man.ā He said softly, the initial spike of concern easing in his heart when he watched Chris break out into a grin. He should have known it was a trap, but Chris was so cute, so unassuming, soā
āAnd you love Daddy too, right?ā
āso damn sneaky.
Buck swallowed once he regained his bearings, nodding his head, glad for the dim light of Chrisā room to hide his blush. āCourse I do kiddo. You and your dad are both very important to me.ā
Which, apparently, was the wrong thing to say, if the scrunch of Chrisā face was anything to go by.
āBut you love him too, right? You love me and Daddy?ā
Putting the long forgotten book down on the night table beside Chrisā bed, Buck pulled his arm around the kid easily, pressing a kiss to his mess of curly hair. He could feel his heart pounding in his chest as he opened his mouth to say something, anything, but the only thing that would come out was the truth. āYeah, I love you and I love your dad too.ā he murmured. It was the first time he had ever said that aloud beforeāand even as he felt his heart race, he felt lighter, to be able to get that off his chest, a secret that had been heavy on his heart for a long time.
āYou should tell him that.ā
Buck almost swallowed his tongue. Like he could sense his discomfort, Chris looked up, blinking owlishly without his glasses, a small smile on his lips. āIt makes me happy when you tell me you love me. I bet it would make Daddy happy too.ā he said with a little shrug, and Buck actually surprised himself with a little laugh.
āHow did you get so smart, kid?ā
Another kiss goodnight and Buck had the door shut behind him, walking on the balls of his feet as he returned to the kitchen, where Eddie was still scrubbing at a dishāand if that wasnāt enough of a red flag, the red tint to his cheeks and the way he shyly looked up at Buck told him all he needed to know. Shy was just not a typical look for Eddie.
āEdmundo Diaz, were you eavesdropping on your sons bedtime story?ā Buck asked, his voice light and teasing, even as his face heated up. If Eddie had been listening in, there was no way to tell just how much he had heard, but while the thought usually pushed Buck into a spiral of despair, all he felt now was a strange sense of warmth.
Eddie looked up at him cautiously, chewing his lip. āWhat? Itās not my fault, I had to make sure the story you picked was up to his standards, and that you... did all the voices, andāā
āI meant it.ā Ā
Wow, fuck, Buck just blurted that out. He felt his jaw clamp shut as Eddieās gaze snapped to him, Eddieās eyes as wide as his own.
āBuck...ā
āIām serious, Eddie. I meant it, I... I mean it.ā Buckās feet are moving of his own accord, closing the distance between them until Buck could reach out and touch Eddie if he wanted. Well, if he could get his arms to respond. āYou and Chris, youāre the most important people in the world to me, and... and I do, I love you. And I think, I think you love me too.ā
Eddie couldnāt think, couldnāt respond, couldnāt do anything other than move forward and pull Buck into his space completely. Their first kiss was a little roughābumped noses, off center, but even then Eddie could feel fireworksāand when they reconnected, when Buckās lips met his properly, it was all Eddie could do to remain upright.
He kept his hands around Buck when they pulled back to breathe, their foreheads resting against one another, and Eddieās cheeks were literally hurting he was smiling so hard. Buckās little laugh was all Eddie could hear, all he ever wanted to hear for the rest of his lifeāso he couldnāt be blamed for failing to hear a pair of little feet leaving the kitchen, back through the hallway, or the nearly silent closing of Chrisā bedroom door.
Chris didnāt need to stick around to see the end resultāadults were so grossābut he was pleased enough to see that his hard work and careful planning had paid off, knowing that his dad and his Buck would be happier than ever now that they were finally smooching (even if it had taken forever!).
His dads were a little slow on the uptake sometimes, sure, but that was okay.
After all, Chris would be there to give them a little push whenever they needed.
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for the wonderful @eddiesdiaz on this, the most glorious day of her birth! she asked me for a road trip fic and I aim to please. bby plz enjoy 13k of Buddie traveling across the country.
buddie, 13k, hurt/comfort, light angst, first kiss, cuddling, the whole nine yards.
āEv.ā
Buck felt his heart sink further when Maddie finally spokeāhe was only Evan when he was in trouble, and he was only Ev when something terrible had happened.
prompt idea: eddie learning buck's name is actually evan so he stops calling him buck and only calls him evan and it gets buck all flustered :)
OOOH NONNIE! I asked a very similar thing from the wonderful @buckleydiazs and they BLEW IT OUT OF THE PARK NOTHING CAN COMPARE so instead, I will give you, Eddie saying Evan but angst instead of cute. xoxo
āEddie?ā
"Hang on, Buck.ā
Buck felt good. Damn, he hadnāt felt this good in ages. When was the last time that he woke up without an ache in his leg, or the burn of water going down his throat? He honestly couldnāt remember.Ā
Best of all, when he looked up... there was Eddie, arms around him, and Buck was so happy he could burst. Eddie always made him so happy. Eddie was, like, the best person in the entire world... even when he looked sad.
āSāwrong, Eddie?ā
āJust hang on, okay? Just stay awake.ā
Stay awake? He could do that. He felt great. Well rested. Happy. Comfortable. Which, he had to admit, wasnāt what he expected after their last call. Structural collapse in one of the METRO tunnels during regular maintenance. The 118 and four other houses had been called to try and help dig out some of the construction workers. At some point in time, he and Eddie had been separated from Hen and Him after they managed to pull another engineer from the subterranean rubble, but... that was the last thing Buck remembered.
Which probably wasnāt a good sign.
When had he gone to sleep?
Buck thought his heart would be racing if he had an ounce of adrenaline left in him, but at it was, his body seemed to have been tapped out. He looked back up to Eddie, his vision a little clearer, clear enough to make out the lines of dust and grime on Eddieās face, the way his light was dancing in the dark tunnel, the... were those tear tracks on his face?
He frowned, ready to ask what was going on, but before he could, he felt a tugging around his shoulder. Eddie wasnāt holding him, he was dragging him, his hand clamped around what looked like a tear in his suit, right under his right shoulder.
It didnāt take a genius to guess that the tear probably went through his body, too.Ā
āEddie?ā
Looking back to where they had come from, Buck frowned, seeing scuff marks, debris, and what looked like motor oil, a slick dark trail leading back to them, and it also didnāt take a genius to realize that a bloody trail was also really, really not a good sign.Ā
At the very least, that answered the question as to why Eddie didnāt have him in a proper fire carry. Pressure on the wound trumped everything else.Ā
āEddie.ā
He repeated himself, a little louder this time, turning his head to look up at Eddie, but the other was resolutely not looking at him, just looking over his shoulder as he dragged Buck backwards. He didnāt know where they were goingāand he doubted that Eddie did, eitherāand that just wouldnāt do. He wasnāt about to die here, lost in the tunnels of LA, without at least getting Eddie to look at him.Ā
āEdmundo.ā
His voice was probably a little rough around the edges, but he knew that wasnāt the reason that Eddie looked at him like he had just spoken ill of the dead. Their pace never wavered, and for that Buck was thankful, but it now felt like he had Eddieās undivided attention.
Well, not that he didnāt have it before. But Buck was always anĀ āeyes on meā kind of guy.
āItās going to be okay, Edmundo.ā Buck tried for a smile, and at first, he thought he had succeeded in his goal, but the color all but drained from Eddieās faceāthe patches of skin he could see underneath dirt and grime, anywayāas Eddie upped his pace.Ā
āDonāt talk like that, Buck.ā
Buck had to snortāat least, he tried to snort, but it probably came out more of a wheeze-laugh.Ā āTalk like what, like Iām dying?ā
The wave of grief that he saw roll over Eddieās face made him almost regret saying that, but Buck knew it was true. If he could come to that conclusion after some probably serious physical trauma (which he was so glad he didnāt remember) and what he assumed was a significant amount of blood loss, he was sure Eddie already had as well--and if he hadnāt, he needed to.Ā
āYou have to tell Maddie I love her.ā
āBuck, donāt you fucking dareāā
āEveryone in the house, too.ā
āBuck, please!ā Eddieās shiftĀ from anger to pleading in about two seconds was a bit of a shock, almost as bad as the wrecked expression on his face.Ā āCome on, Buck, you canātāyou donāt talk like that, you canāt! Iām notāI canāt letāEvan, fucking stop!ā
Buck felt his face brighten as Eddie spoke, beaming up at him, tilting his heads he felt his eyes droop a little bit.Ā āI donāt think Iāve ever heard you say my name before. I... I like it.ā
Eddie laughed, but the sound was wet, and it took Buck zero seconds to decide he liked Eddieās regular laugh better.Ā
āEvan, God, just stay awake and stop talking like that and Iāll call you whatever you want.ā
Buck smiled again, feeling his gut twist, shaking his head. He would have loved to stop, but there was no way in hell he was going to risk leaving this fucking world without saying his piece.
āEdmundo, you gotta tell them, okay? You gotta tell themāand you gotta tell Chris, too.ā
āEvan...ā
āIām serious.ā he said, his smile falling off his face, letting his free arm come up to squeeze one of Eddieās arms, still diligently pulling him to safety.Ā āYou gotta tell him that I love him, and Iām sorry, okay? Heās such a good kid. and heās gonna need you to help him through this, okay? You have to be there for him.ā
āEvan. Please, you gotta stop that, you canāt. You have to stay with us, I canātāEvan, I canāt do this without you.ā Something wet hit Buckās face as he looked up, andāoh. Eddie was crying. Eddie was crying, over him.Ā
Wasnāt that a bitch.
Buck felt his throat start to tighten up as the tunnel got lighter around him, and he was man enough to admit that he was scared (even if he wasnāt about to announce that to Eddie, who was probably going through enough on his own right now).Ā
āI want to tell youāā
āEvan, please, please, donāt.ā
āāI love you, Edmundo.ā
āNo!ā
Buck looked up in surprise as Eddie snapped at him, watching new tear tracks forming in the dust on his face.Ā āNo, you don't get to tell me that right now. You donāt get to say that when you think youāre going to... No!ā
Buck could feel his throat start to tighten up again. āEddieāā
āTell me later, Evan.ā Eddie snapped, and it was all Buck could do to nod his head as he sniffed.Ā
The light was getting brighter around him.Ā
Buck closed his eyes.
He was scared.Ā
--
The next time Buck woke up, he most certainly did not feel good, and that in itself was probably a great sign if it werenāt so damn inconvenient. He opened his eyes slowly, his body feeling like it was cast in cement, weighed down by the impossibly thin hospital blanket that was wrapped around his body.Ā
He didnāt have to look far to see Eddie sitting beside him, phone up to his ear, a small smile on his face. Buck could hear Christopherās voice on the other end of the phoneātalking about his day at school, probablyābut what really caught his attention was the fact that Eddieās other hand was wrapped around his own.Ā
Eddie was holding his hand in a hospital bed, and honestly, he didnāt know if it got better than that.Ā
He let himself watch for a few more moments, his breathing still even and slow, taking in the small smile that Eddie gave to his phone as he hung up.
Buck couldnāt believe he had almost missed this. He couldnāt believe that he had almost left without saying anything, and even if he was a little bit pissed off that Eddie didnāt let him say what he wanted to say at the time... well, he could always make up for it now.
And he could make up for it now.
Fuck.
āEdmundo?ā
Honestly, now that they were on a first name basis, Buck wasnāt sure he was ever going to go back. Especially after he watched Eddie almost drop his phone in shock, attention suddenly laser focused on him. The hand around his own squeezed, almost too-tight, but Buck just smiled wider, a happy sigh leaving his lips.Ā
āI love you.ā
Eddie froze as Buck felt his smile grow, and then he was beaming, relief etched into every line of his face, and fuck, they were probably both about to start crying again.Ā
His free hand came up to cup Buckās cheek and Buck found himself leaning into the touch, ignoring the twinge in his shoulder as he moved his neck.
āI love you too, Evan.ā
Buck may have still felt like he got hit by a truck, but he was back on cloud nine, feeling the warmth from Eddieās hand spread through his body, better than anything that he could have imagined.
āAnd if you ever pull that shit again, I swear to godāā
Hi ā¤ļø if youāre still talking prompts could you write Buck temporarily going blind and Eddie helping him cope till he gets better? Only if you want, no pressure and thx š
COMBINED WITH BUDDIEWEEK2020 PROMPT
July 8th Ā - Day 3: āWe can do this.ā + hurt
also I want you to know it was very difficult for me not to turn it into a permanently blind emotional rollercoaster that you definitely did not ask for.
(xoxo to @buckleydiazs for giving it a once over before posting!)
Every time Eddie closes his eyes, he relives his mistake.Ā
He can see Buck taking the stairs two at a time, clearing the last floor of the burning apartment building. He can see the ladder at the end of the hallway, the light at the end of a burning tunnel. He can see part of the ceiling give way as he turns, reaching for Buck, too slow, too fucking slow, and Buckā
āis gone, pushed through the floor by the caving-in ceiling, what Eddie was sure was a scream drowned out by the roar of the flames.
They find him, of course they do, half buried beneath rubble three floors down with a cracked helmet, broken mask, and blood leaking sluggishly around the temples. Buck is out coldāwhich is probably for the best, because when Eddie peels his helmet off as Chim speeds through the Los Angeles streets to the nearest trauma hospital all he can see is blue, and black, and red, splashed over the bridge of Buckās nose, his lids, from ear to ear.
Retinal detachment.
Orbital fracture.
Extreme ocular trauma.
āItās too soon to tell. The surgery went well, but the healing is where... well, where the healing happens. The gauze needs to be changed daily, and the tape on your lids needs to be removed in two weeks timeāby that time, the nerves in your...ā
Eddie started to zone out while the doctor was talking, his hand nearly numb from how hard Buck was squeezing it, not that he was going to complain. He had only left the hospital twice in the 60 hours Buck had been admittedāonce during Buckās surgery to drive home, take a well needed shower and a change of clothes, and once to pick up some coffee because he felt about as dead on his feet as Buck looked, and that was saying a lot.
Buck, who had thrashed around and nearly punched Eddie in the face when he came to after the surgery, because he couldnāt fucking see. Buck, who had stitches in his fucking eyeball and two metal rods in the bone around his nose to keep the cartilage from sinking back and puncturing his brain. Buck, who had his eyelids taped shutāwhich was barbaric in a way Eddie couldnāt properly describe.
āDo I look like a mummy?ā Buck had asked after he woke up, near monotonous, and Eddie had to stop himself from near hysterical laughterāhe just had two circles of gauze packed toward his eye sockets, another layer of tape beneath the fluff to keep his lids shut.
āNow, Mr. Buckley, who will you be staying with?ā
And god, after less than three days, Buck was being discharged.
Eddie blinked, bringing himself back to the present as he heard the question, giving a small gesture with his handāand remembering Buck couldnāt see it. Off to a great start. āMe. Iāll be taking him back to our home, the only hard part will be convincing my kid that itās not a two week sleepover vacation.ā
If Eddie didnāt already know how low Buck was feeling, the fact that he didnāt even try to argue said more than enough.
--
Eddie had immediately cashed in three weeks of his paid time offāhe had racked plenty up with all the overtime he had worked his first few months on the team, before Carla, the patron saint of financial aid had swooped into his life. He wasnāt about to leave Buck alone, not for a minute if he could help it, but Eddie knew better than anyone that sometimes, things didnāt happen as planned.
The first few days of Buck staying with them had gone... alright. Tensions were sky high, and it didnāt take a genius to figure out why, but thankfully Chris was in the house more often than not on the weekend, and it was impossible to be tense or angry when Chris was in the room, even if you couldnāt see him.Ā
At night, though, everything changed. Tension turned to despair, and Eddie had never been more thankful that the guest room was next to his own, on the opposite side of the hall from Chrisā roomāhe knew the nightmares would be coming hard and fast, and he knew Buck would have never forgiven himself if he scared Christopher with them.
The past two nights, all Buck had needed to anchor himself was a firm touch, a loud enough noise, something to anchor him to the situation, but Eddie could tell that wasnāt going to be enough when he opened Buckās door a few nights into his stay.
Partially because of his own guilt, maybe, but mostly because Buck sounded like he was fighting for his life.
āBuck, come on, wake upāyouāre safe, youāre home with me and Chris, youāre okay, fuck, Buckāā
He finally pulled Buck upright, hands on his shoulders, and Buck gasped, head snapping side to side. āEddie, whatās going on, whereāwhere the fuck am I, Eddie, whatāI canāt see, Eds, I canāt fucking see, Iāā
It was only years of Army training that had Eddieās reflexes moving fast enough to grab Buckās hands as he moved to claw at his eyes, to rip the gauze and tape off of his lids.Ā
āListen to me, youāre safe. Youāre okay. Come on, Buck. We can do this. I got you.ā Keeping his voice as low as possible, Eddie pulled Buckās wrists toward his own chest, and to his complete dismay, he could feel the moment that Buckās mind caught up with him. He fell forward, limply pushing his forehead into Eddieās shoulder, body wracking with sobs as Eddie let go of his wrists and just held his friend, his Buck, who had become completely undone in his arms.
He couldnāt bring himself to say anything, too afraid that the wrong thing would come spilling out, so he just held onto Buck and let him cry, only loosening his grip when he felt Buckās breath start to even out again, only interrupted by the occasional hiccuping sob or hitch of emotional aftermath. He didnāt realize that Buck had passed out again until it was too late; it was hard to tell in the first place, not being able to see if Buckās eyes were open or shut, but by the time he realized Buck had literally cried himself asleep he couldnāt even imagine waking him back up just so Eddie could leave.
Alsoā¦ he didnāt really want to leave.Ā
Slowly pulling the sheet up around Buckās shoulders, Eddie wiggled himself back down against the headboard, his own eyes closing. He had certainly had worse sleepsāanywhere overseas came to mindābut that was an afterthought. If this is what it took to help Buck feel safe, so be it.Ā
It was the best night of sleep he had gotten in weeks.
--
The next night, after he had read to Chris and wished Buck a good night, Eddie only needed to pick up on the smallest of hesitations from Buck before he took Buckās hand and led him into his own bedroom. Buckās shoulders sagged in relief as Eddie helped steer him into his bed, laying close enough that their legs were touching, but far enough that they still had plenty of their own space, the small contact hopefully enough to ground Buck into the present.
And if Eddie secretly loved the mornings where he would be lucky enough to wake up with Buck any degree closer, well, that was his own business.
--
Staying together in the same bed didnāt stop Buckās nightmares, of course, not that Eddie expected it to. What it did was give them both the ability to stop them before it got too badāwith the solid resistance of another body beside you, it was harder to let a dream spiral down too far. He wish he didnāt know this from experience, but... well, he was far from perfect, and that was becoming more and more obvious every day.
The hardest part of it all was that Buck was a morning person, which, who would even have thought that were a thing? Eddie took advantage of sleeping in whenever possibleāhe had been known to drop Christopher off at school on his days off and get another hour or so of shut eyeābut by the time his first alarm went off, Buck had almost always untangled himself from Eddieās form and retreated to his own side of the bed, and that wouldnāt do.Ā
(When had Eddie started to think of it as Buckās side of the bed? He really didnāt want to look into that too deeply.)
Eddie started to push himselfāwaking up ten, fifteen minutes before his alarm, just to enjoy Buckās closeness, his warmth.Ā
He was getting used to it too quickly, forgetting that this wasnāt actually his, even as he dreamed of spending a sleepy Saturday in bed with Buck, looping an arm around his waist.Ā
āEddie?ā
Fuck. He was awake, and apparently, so was Buck.Ā
His mind immediately kicked into overdrive, not sure if he should pretend that he was still asleep or snap his hand back and apologize, but thankfully, Buck made up his mind before Eddie could. He felt Buckās arm move atop of his ownānot pushing off, just resting alongside, the limb a line of heat along Eddieās arms as their fingertips brushed. āā¦this is okay with you?ā Buck asked, and Eddie let out a rush of air, nodding, nose tickling the back of Buckās head. āYeah Buck, itās, um. I like it. And if you like it, thatās even better. Itās great! I mean, itās the least I could do, I guess.ā God, Eddie, shut the fuck up.
āā¦ the least you could do.ā
Eddie swallowed as he heard the frown in Buckās voice, knowing instinctively that he was in trouble as Buck moved himself, rolling to face Eddieāprobably more out of force of habit than anything, considering they couldnāt exactly meet eye to eye.Ā
āEdmundo Diaz.ā Yup, he was in trouble. āYou donāt actually think that this is your fault, do you?ā Buck said, his tone uncertain, brows furled even with the little bit of motion they had.Ā
āā¦ itās justā¦ you were right there, Buck. You were right in front of me, and then you were gone. I couldnāt catch you, couldnāt do anything. I was too slow to act, even when you were in arms reach of me, and now you might be blind.ā His voice was thick with emotion as he looked over Buckās face, hating now more than ever that he couldnāt see the others eyes, see how upset or disappointed Buck must be in him. He felt his own throat tighten as he looked down, his arm burning where it was on Buckās hip. He didnāt even deserve to be in the same room as Buck, let alone touch him, andā
āEddie, shut the fuck up.ā
His jaw snapped shut with an audible click, Buckās tone like concrete, heavy and unyielding as he jabbed a finger into Eddieās chest.Ā āYou donāt get to apologize because you havenāt done anything wrong. Hell, youāre the only one doing anything right. Youāre here, you stepped up, youāre helping me, youāre... hell, where is anyone else? You donāt get to apologize for stepping up, for making sure that I had... well, donāt think I didnāt notice you calling this our home.ā
Buck was getting more and more animated as he spoke, and Eddie found himself floundering a little bit, trying to keep up with what Buck was saying (and fuck, had he really said that?). āBuck, I justāā
āEddie, this is not your fucking fault and I wonāt hear you say that ever again.ā
...well. Eddie might have disagreed, but he wasnāt stupid enough to argue, not when he had an angry Buck in his bed.Ā āDoesnāt mean I canāt be sorry about it anyway.ā he grumbled, aware that he sounded like a petulant childāand if anything, the small smile that Buck had on his face meant Buck thought so too.Ā
āWell, fine. Iām sorry too.ā
āWhat? Buck, what do you have to be--ā
āSorry it took me having a major accident to get you to cuddle with me.ā
āWhat! We arenātāI didnātāthis isnātāā
āEddie, shut up.ā
Eddie would have protest when he felt Buckās shoulders start to shake, worried he had said the wrong thing againābut Buck was laughing, the sound muted under his breath, and Eddie let out a dramatic puff of air as he collapsed back to the bed, his arm back at Buckās hips.
But, he did shut up.
--
Eddie almost slammed his head on the hood of his car when he heard a crash coming from the kitchen. He bolted out of the garage, hands stained with oil, swearing as he stumbled in to the main house, almost tripping up the stairs.
āWait, Eddie, stop!ā
Buckās face was angled toward Eddieās direction, hand out, obviously having heard him stumble down the hall. Eddie froze in place, eyes huge as he took in the sceneāeverything looked fine, Buck was upright, he wasnāt bleeding, but the ground around him was glittering with broken glass; nothing more than a broken dish, but Buck was barefoot.
Buck was okay. Eddie hadnāt failed him again. He hadnāt let him get hurt again.
Taking a few steps loser, he let the wrecked look on Buckās face register for only a moment, wishing for nothing more than to make it go the fuck away. āHey, okay, youāre good, it was just a plate.ā
āAnd a glass.ā
āAnd a glass.ā
āIāll pay for it, I promise.ā
āBuck, if you think I own any nice dishes after having a kid, you have another thing coming.ā Eddie laughed in spite of himself, only encouraged when Buck let out a wet sounding chuff. āAre you okay with me just lifting you out of here? Itāll be the easiest way to get you out of glass before I sweep everything up.ā
Buck lifted his arms in response and Eddie had to bite down another laugh as he lifted the other male easily, his hands latched beneath his rear end, Buckās chest right against his face. He brought Buck easily to the couch and deposited him there, getting a little hasty with the broom as he cleaned upābut Buck looked so miserable, he couldnāt stand to leave the other alone for any longer than he absolutely had to.
It made Eddie want to screamānot because of the situation, but because of everything leading up to it. The day before, Buck had tried to start cleaning the dishes, and had nearly impaled himself with one of Eddieās pairing knives. The night before that, he had almost started a kitchen fire, cleaning the stove with cooking spray instead of Lysol. Buck passed both of these off as just trying to be helpful, but Eddie was about to pull out his hairānot because the situations were stressful, but because Buck kept coming closer and closer to hurting himself, and Eddie couldnāt accept that.Ā
Tossing the glass into the garbage, he grabbed two beers and cracked them both open, making his way over to the couch with a sigh. āAlright, Buck, whatās up? Why are you pushing yourself so hard, when you only have a few days with the tape left?ā
Eddie knew the answer before he even asked, the emotion on Buckās face more clear than ever as he looked down. āBecause I have to. What if I donāt get my vision back? All I want in the entire world is to rip this tape off, toānot even to see, just to know. I canāt stand not knowing, Eddie, I canāt. If Iām blind, I canāt be dependent on you forever, I canātāā
āHey, hey, take a breath.ā Eddie easily took Buckās hands in his own, squeezing them reassuringly, eyes studying the visible portions of Buckās face, his thumb stroking over the pulse point in Buckās wrist. āYou know that whatever happens, weāll be here for you, right? Chris and I arenāt going to let you face this on your own.
Buck let out another wet sounding laugh, sniffing as he shook his head. āEddie, I told you, this wasnāt your faultāā
āIām serious, Buck. Weāre not letting you go. Iām not letting you go.ā
Any protests that Buck had died in his throat as Eddie shrugged, his hands stilling beneath Eddieās, suddenly painfully aware of their proximity. Eddie had to bite his lip to avoid laughing as Buck started to lean up, head moving on its own accord, because of course it would take Buck going blind to finally pick up on the signals Eddie had been broadcasting since foreverā
āEddie, Iām blind, you have to tell me if Iām misreading this, because I canāt see your stupid handsome face at all, andāmmphs!ā
Eddie swallowed a laugh as he leaned in and claimed Buckās lips with his own, feeling the quick moment of shock melt into something better, easier. His mouth was warm against Buckās as he tilted his head, hand coming up to cup his jaw, only encouraged by Buckās little moans as he melted into Eddieās side.
The smile on his face was so bright when he pulled back that Eddie felt like he could feel the warmth from it sink into his skin, the heat from Buckās breath dancing over his face, and nothing could bring him down from this high, not even Buckās moment of insecurity as he squeezed Eddieās arms.
ā...youāre smiling, right?ā Buck asked, his voice low, his own face cut into a shy smile that Eddie would have paid hard cash money to look at for the rest of his life.
Rather than answer, Eddie took Buckās hands in his own, letting Buckās fingers trace over his face, his smile, taking every moment he could to kiss the fingers that traced over his lips. Buck couldnāt help but laugh as he swatted Eddieās shoulder, the sound warming Eddie to his very coreāit was the first time in weeks that he had heard Buck laugh, he realized. Letting his arms slide back around Buckās waist, he had to sigh as they fit back into one anotherās space.
Chris didnāt even question finding the two of them like that when Carla brought home, because bless that kid. He just let his backpack fall to the floor, grabbed a blanket, and curled into Buckās side. Buck, to his credit, let out a happy hum, wrapped an arm around Chris, and that was that.
(Two days later, Carla spent an absurd amount of time peeling the tape off of Buckās eyelids, but Eddie couldnāt even complain about the laborious process when Buckās eyes opened slowly, squinting as he started to re-focus.
Eddie held his breath as Buckās eyes flickered over to himānot knowing if Buck could see was killing him, but he couldnāt bring himself to ask, biting his lips as a smile bloomed over Buckās face.
āGod, youāre cute.ā
Eddie wasn't sure if he was laughing or crying as Buck spoke, pulling his teammateāhis Buckāinto his arms, but he didnāt care. All that mattered right now was Buck, tight in his arms.)
