#mutual kitbug

thank you friend 💜💜💜

Meet Ionna Mahariel

Ionna was my first dragon age oc and she breaks my heart all the time. First she lost Tamlen and then watches as despite her protest Alistair kills the archdemon.

this is one I've written in my head like a dozen times, but everytime I try to get it down on paper I can't word properly. Basic idea is Julia visiting cyn's grave and talking to her, finally confessing what she didn't when cyn was still alive. here's a rough snippet:

You replace the flowers, peonies this time. She’d never shared what her favorite was so you bring a different one each time. Maybe that would make her smile, but she would probably call you an idiot, overly-sentimental. She wouldn’t be wrong.

                Why else are would you be here?

                “We’re finally moved into the new headquarters,” your voice breaks the quiet. It had felt so stupid when your therapist had first suggested it, but it’s grown easier with time, like a lot of things. Beside you were always good at talking.

                “It’s very snazzy, you should see the locker room. The sauna is fantastic, might even tempt you.” You continue in that vein for a while, listing the virtues of the new facilities, as if she would ever get to see them. Like she would be joining you next week on the training mats, or you might find her stealing food from the fridge in the breakroom.

thank you for indulging me kit 💜

here's some rough ortega 40th bday stuff featuring curtis

🌹 “You want to fuck me so bad it makes you look stupid.” You meant the words as a taunt, a barb to sting and get under his skin, but instead his smile grows wide and you fucked up.

 🌹               “You do always call me an idiot,” he says with a chuckle hardly missing a beat, the bastard.

thank you friend 💜 here's some incoherent rambling about my favorite girl

12. How are they bodily expressive? How do they use nonverbal cues such as their posture, stance, eyes, eyebrows, mouths, and hands?

cyn is pretty small and tends to try and make herself smaller trying to go unnoticed. this changes when she's in uniform, both as sidestep and retribution. she has more presence then, a clear role to fill, and she stands up straighter, takes up more space. as far as other physical cues, she can have a bit of an oral fixation chewing on pens, picking at her lips if she can't smoke. especially when stressed or nervous. she also will like clench and unclench her fist a lot.

18. What kind of person could they become in the future? What are some developmental paths that they could take, (best, worst, most likely?) what would cause them to come to pass, and what consequences might they have? What paths would you especially like to see, and why?

I mean it depends on a lot of factors (how ortega takes the regene reveal being a huge one). the path I would like is for her to start healing to maybe learn to accept herself and deal with her feelings of alienation and self hatred. to believe that she is worthy of being loved and cared for. to believe that she isn't all alone and that people care and will support and help her. she's doing better in retirbution. going to therapy letting herself get close to people again, to have connections. There is also the chance of her spiraling down even deeper into her depression, into her certainty that she will be rejected and hated so there is no point in trying. getting even more self destructive, growing reckless and just trying to find a way out.

25. What do they need and want out of relationships, and how do they go about getting it?

she needs acceptance and tenderness. she wants closeness and connections. honestly she's very reactive in relationships, it really does take someone else taking the initiative she would never dare otherwise. she is so terrified of rejection that she does everything she can to avoid showing the parts of herself that she needs the most acceptance and care around. because of this she can never really trust her relationships (all built on a lie, if they knew the truth they would hate her and she never gives them the chance to prove her wrong). she can lose herself in physical touch (and it helps a lot with the dissociation).

thank you friend 💜

found blood in some sidestep days vesper and ric

You misjudged, miscalculated, and fuck do you hate that. You should have had enough time to slip just out of range, but instead you are thrown back. Your vision goes white as pain erupts as your head impacts the wall. Your ears are ringing and you taste blood.

close gets a few hits in the time travel au

A warning? A lesson? If it was a dream, it still feels too close. Too visceral, too real. Too real to be ignored

She doesn’t expect the kiss. The way the Cyn almost lunges for her face, wrapping her arms and pulling her close. She can taste the salt from her tears, feel them on her hand as she cups her face

found fall in a julia visiting cyn's grave fic

It’s a familiar routine that you fall into, sweeping away the leaves and debris that have accumulated, wiping down the stone. Letting your fingers trace the familiar carving, lingering over the words the way they used to on her cheek, tracing her scars.

black shows up in some vesper stuff

Nightmares haunting your corners, black tar seeping out of the alleys you pass, creeping through the streets, chasing you.

thank you kit!

I'm assigning this one to curtis. he has a habit of doing the dumbest things and this has so much sidestep days energy

I do the dumbest things for you Why do I do the dumbest things for you? I almost broke my collar bone I didn't care, you were the most exciting thing I'd ever know

thank you friend 💜

5) A cherished personal belonging.

answered this one here

12) How they sleep.

she doesn't. not really. not often and not well. cyn is very dependent on body jumping to avoid what lurks in the dark corners of her mind.

19) When they feel safest

with julia. she knows she shouldn't, but she can't help it. julia feels like home like the memory of the only time she felt like she belonged at least a little bit. everything after heartbreak feels like a dream, but being with ortega she can remember what it felt like to be connected to feel real. it's not logical, she knows julia would stop her if she knew the truth, but that doesn't change her feelings.