-          But he usually ends up being the one to initiate it

It took a while to learn your way around the ship. A few months really. There were constant repairs going on at almost all times due to damages from fights or commander Ren destroying something in his anger, which usually meant that some portion of the ship was blocked off from any access until repairs were finished. You almost never interacted with Hux, your paths rarely crossed and when they did, the conversation was professional and to the point. You never expected this type of relationship with Hux to hurt so much. You hadn’t seen him in years and yet here you were, mourning your previous sex life! You would often grumble, it couldn’t have been that good. He was the first person you had ever slept with, no one’s first time was that good. You tried to get the thoughts of Hux fucking you into oblivion in your office out of your head. You had work to be done. A lot of work. You groan at the mass of work that had somehow piled back onto your desk. You need to stop thinking about your boss and get all these files done before the end of the week. Picking one up, you read the first page, rolling your eyes at the ridiculous accident report. You lay it out, reading through the pages of a he said – she said story. You ended up taking the files back to your office, needing more and more time to read through all of them.  You were in your light grey lounging pants, the file spread over your floor with you sitting in the middle of it eating a cafeteria muffin you had a droid get for you when you heard a knock on your door. You glance up from a page in your hand, holding your breath slightly in case someone was trying to press their ear to your door to hear any movement from you. The knock came again, and you shake your head, looking at the page you were holding again. You didn’t have time to deal with any of your workers when you needed to get through the reports. Your brows furrow after a few sentences when you hear your door sliding open. You look up. “What the fu-“ You look up, seeing the orange haired General standing in your doorway. “So you are in here” He muses, inviting himself in. “Yeah sure. Come right in. Make yourself at home. Why not” You snap, eyes squinting into a glare. “Thank you for the invitation” He says, sitting on your couch, crossing his legs. “Is this how you always do reports?” “Is this how you always break into one of your officer’s room?” You counter, watching his every relaxed movement. “I have a proposition for you” He says, catching your eye for a moment. “Whatever it is, ask someone else” You say, looking away from him to return to trying to read the page again. “I don’t think it would be professional to ask another officer to begin an old sexual relationship again if one never existed” He says with a purr in his voice. He chuckles when he sees your body stiffen. You set the page down, looking to him once more. “What happened to ‘things change’ and ‘I’m not a whore’” You say, standing up and crossing your arms over your chest. “I do believe we can get past that, don’t you?” he asks, following suit and standing up from the couch. “So you want to start up having sex after nine years. And only after you tell me that you want nothing and feel nothing for me?” You snap, rolling your eyes. “Come now y/n, please don’t be like this” He says, his shoulders slumping for the briefest of moments. “I hate being so close to you, yet unable to touch you. To hold you.” “Oh so now you’re being romantic” You say “You have absolutely horrible timing” “And yet you still love me” He chuckles, standing still. Waiting for you to approach him. “And yet I still love you” You sigh, stepping over your file pages and shuffling towards him, shoulders slumped. You stand in front of him, bare toes touching the toes of his boots. You look up at his angular face, going up onto your toes to press a kiss to his chin, arms still crossed over your chest. Hux lets out a sigh, his hands coming down to hold your hips. His head dips ever so slightly, capturing your lips with his.

 “It is to be done” The withering being hisses out, his dark eyes squinting as he leaned forward, his hologram flickering as he spoke to the masked man. “Yes” Kylo Ren whispers, his mask distorting his voice to a deep rasp. The tall man bows slightly, turning on his heel quickly, his cape flowing and catching General Hux of the armed guard in the heel, the perfect uniform distorting for a moment from the breeze. As he passed through the hallways, his footsteps muted from a simple spell, the workers in the hall bowing their heads and avoiding any possible eye contact. Kylo lets out a forced huff, a crackling coming from his mask. He turns a corner, his cape hitting the wall. “Move” he snaps at a few workers who were blocking his way. They move quickly, uttering quiet and frantic “sorry” as they backed against the wall. Kylo gets to the Hangar, his ship being prepared by the engineers. “It is not ready yet sir!” One tells him, their face red from the sudden order to prepare the ship. “Supreme Leader Snoke demands me gone within a quarter hour” Kylo says, his head turning so he could look at each of the grey clad engineers. “I expect to be gone in half of that time.” “But sir!” One argues. “Enough!” Kylo yells, his voice crackling through the vocoder. “Yes sir” the engineer whispers, avoiding his harsh gaze as they retreat to the ship, running tests on the engine to make sure the ship could make it through the barriers of a planet that was ancient. Kylo walks up the ramp into the command shuttle, moving towards the cockpit. He sits down, flicking a small switch to close the door. Travelling through space was always marvelous. Kylo enjoyed the cold, the harsh silence of being amongst the stars and planets. He never felt required to think while he was in his ship, watching the stars streak by the window as he pushed the command shuttle into hyper speed. The ship was quieter than it usually was on his missions, he was the only one on this particular mission. Though, he would have no idea how long he would be gone from the Finalizer. He didn’t know how long this could take. The people upon this planet had stayed in ancient times, never allowing their lives to be infected by technology. They were odd creatures, mostly inhabited by humans and fairies of different sides of the spectrum. He had heard that the planet housed the most powerful goddess in the known universe, but he didn’t think it true until Snoke had sent him out on this mission. “Find where her powers come from” Snoke had hissed at him “Find her powers and take it, bring her entire self if it is necessary. Do not fail me Kylo ren.” The planet in itself was a child’s bedtime story. This mission seemed like one as well. The fairy was a goddess. There were rumors of her wings and her pointed ears. Her love for her planet and her rivalry with the human kingdom. But these were all rumors. No outsider had been on the planet in decades. His ship lurched, Kylo curses, grabbing the steering handles and gripping them tightly. He knew that this would be a bad landing. The barriers around the planet were magic, usually trying to keep the technology out of the atmosphere to keep the planet pure. Kylo watches his dashboard as the lights slowly flick off, the switches flicking into their ‘off’ position. He curses, scrambling to put the ship into an emergency landing, only to find everything was locked and unmovable. Even with the force, he had no control over anything in his shuttle. He scrambles to put on his restrictive seatbelt for the inevitable crash landing, holding onto the steering holds, watching as the moors below him became closer and closer, the wind around the ship creating a loud whistling screech. Kylo awaited the impact of the hard ground. ~ When Kylo awoke, he immediately started to assess any physical damage to his person. Flexing his fingers and moving his arms, he undoes the belt that held him against the seat. He lets out a loud groan when he tilts forward. He lifts up his cowl, seeing bruises forming across his chest and abdomen. He leans back against the seat, stretching out his legs and flexing his toes. Kylo pauses for a moment before bracing his hand on the dash, the other against the arm rest as he forces himself out of the seat. A moan rips from his throat as he stumbles towards the door, leaving the cockpit as he grips the wall, forcing himself to stay upright. Kylo slams his hand against the door release, the door opening as the stairs descended towards the forest floor. He stumbles forward, his foot catching on his cloak and he barely notices that he’s falling, his beat up body tumbling down and onto the dirt. He feels a pressure against his hip, causing him to look up. There’s a being in front of him, their foot holding him from rolling down a hill. “Who are you” He rasps, his visor looking straight at their silhouette. ~ “You don’t get to ask anything until you explain why you have destroyed half of my forest with your ship” You snap, removing your black sandal clad foot from his hip. You had felt the disturbance of your barriers, something large forcing it’s way into the atmosphere. You had fumbled to disable the ship as quickly as possible. You were rusty though, you hadn’t had to stop anyone from coming onto your planet in decades. “Your forest?” He whispers, blinking a few times. “Take off your mask. Speak to me like the man you are” You hiss, stepping back from him. Kylo grumbles, rolling onto his stomach and using his hands to push himself off of the ground. He stands, towering over you. “The mask stays on” “No” You say, your fingers tightening around your staff, the green crystal on it beginning to glow. “You do not get to disobey my after trespassing in my territory.” You twist your wrist, the glow from the crystal becoming it’s own light source. Kylo cries out in pain as his mask is ripped from his face, his eyes follow the object until it hits a tree. His eyes widen when he sees small creatures swarm around it once it hit the ground. “Get away from that!” He yells, stumbling towards the beings. You swiftly lift your hand, forcing him back. He groans once more when he lands against the stairs. “State your name.” You hiss “I will not ask again.” “Kylo Ren” He coughs at you, blinking again to see you properly in the light. You were tall for a woman, your legs were slightly apart, your shoulders squared with your hips in your stance, showing Kylo clearly that you were trying to show your power to him. The power over him. His eyes traced two horns upon your head, each of them curving backwards until they curled slightly forward. Your face held strong features, that of those who had seen war or death. Your eyes stared into him, as if you could see every crime he had ever committed, all the pain he had caused. Your eyebrow arched delicately as your lips moved. Kylo shook his head, realizing that you were speaking to him. He also began to notice the ringing in his ears. “Why are you here” You repeat “Did King David send you to try to kill me?” “No” Kylo muttered “I have no dealings with pathetic kings” “Good. Though I find difficulty in believing anything you say.” You tell him “Come. I will get you food and something for your pain.” You turn on your heel, your cloak swinging out behind you, hitting Kylo in his bloodied face. You begin to walk, and Kylo watches for a few moments before pushing himself off of the stairs, stumbling after you. His eyes follow where your feet had been, a trail of fresh grass and blooming flowers followed you. He looks to your horns once more, you had an extremely powerful presence. “Are you the goddess?” He asks when he gets closer to you, you turn your head slightly, glancing at him. “Presumably” You say, altering your course slightly so you avoided the large drop down to the river. “What does that mean?” He asks, glowering at you. “It means that you have no reason to know.” You tell him, hopping onto a rock and following the natural steps down to the riverside. Kylo follows awkwardly, his injuries making his large frame even more unbalanced than usually. His eyes go everywhere. At no point in his few decades in existence had he seen anything more beautiful than the forest that surrounded him. Nymphs coming up from the depths of the river to giggle at him, wiggling their fingers in greeting to him. One cups her hand, pushing water up at him. The water lands on his cloak, and he sighs in frustration, glaring at the Nymph. She gives him a sharp tooth grin, diving back into the water. You hide a smile, hearing Kylo curse about the extra weight that he now carried. “They’ll seduce you if you stare at them long enough” You say, looking up when a flock of crows leave a tree. You keep walking, Kylo marvelling the beauty that surrounded him. He doesn’t know why, but he walked slightly beside and behind you, as to not step on the flowers that popped up behind you. The silence between you was calm, the rushing waters of the river and the wind through the leaves of the trees above him filled any void that could be filled with speaking. You walk delicately across some stones in the river, turning back towards him when you were halfway across. “Do you need assistance?” You ask, watching him clamber awkwardly onto the second stone. The bottom of your cloak was gathering water as you waited for his answer. “Yes” He sighs in defeat, watching you hop over the stones once more, gripping his bicep right above his elbow. He felt the warmth through his cowl, causing him to shiver. You guide him over the stones, helping him onto the other side. “Not much further” you tell him. You continue your walk, him following slightly closer for the rest of the walk. In almost no time at all, a small cabin came into his vision. It was something out of a book, stone walls with ivy climbing over them. Small windows above a beautifully multicoloured garden. He had never seen so many flowers in such a small area. To the right of the house was the river again, a large black horse grazing the grass beside it. To the left were rolling fields of the greenest grass he had ever seen, dotted with brightly coloured flowers and large trees. In the distance he noticed something similar to a wall. “Beyond that barrier, you will find King David and his kingdom. They will not be kind hosts” You tell him, walking up to the cabin and opening the door. Kylo steps into the building, noticing a large crow resting on the windowsill. It lets out a loud caw. “Hush Diaval” You say before turning to Kylo. “Sit” He doesn’t object, collapsing into a small kitchen chair, fumbling with the clasp on his cloak to remove it. You take it from him, taking it outside and hanging it on a clothing line to dry from the Nymph’s playing. When you return inside your cabin, Kylo had removed his cowl, leaving him in a simple undershirt. He was running his fingers over the bruises on his arms, wincing when he found a few cuts. “I apologize for your bad landing. I haven’t shut down a ship in a long time” You tell him, stepping forward and kneeling in front of him, fingers trailing over the deep cuts. Kylo stares as they begin to close. There was pain in the process, but not the same amount that would come if they had gotten infected.  “I will not do much to help your wounds, you destroyed one of my favorite trees. You deserve a little pain.” Kylo stares at you, grumbling slightly. “I don’t need your help” “I don’t have to give it.” You remind him, standing and turning. Fingers reaching up to the brooch that rested above your clavicle, you unclasp it, taking the cloak off and resting it on another chair, placing the brooch in a small jewellery box that sat on an oak dresser. Kylo coughed, seeing your wings uncovered. They dragged along the floor, the sun that came through the windows would catch the ink black feathers. In the sunlight he could see the undertones of blue and purple, almost like a crystal being shown in light for all of it’s beauty.  He could see the slits in your dress where they attached to your back, the skin seemingly scarred. You turn around to him, handing him a slice of pull apart bread and some cold soup. Kylo mutters a quiet thank you, dipping the bread into the soup before tearing his teeth into it. ~ You watched the man as he stood by the river, his face turned up to the sky as the wind whipped through his long hair. He had barely spoken in the week he had been residing in your cabin. He would help you with making food or feeding your horse. He took great care to not step on any flower in the ground. Occasionally you would find him sitting in a tree in the morning, some form of woodland creature resting on his knee to keep him company. For someone so out of place, he fit in so well. “Kylo!” You call, looking out to the river again Ezra had joined him, he reached his hand out, petting the large horse gently between his ears. “Come inside, it’s going to pour!” Kylo looks up to you, your arms crossed over your chest, wings folding around your shoulders and arms, feet bare in the grass, dress flowing around your calves in the strong winds. He nods, looking to Ezra. “Go find shelter” Kylo says quietly, tapping the horse’s hip with his hand. Ezra shakes his long neck, his mane rustling and spinning before he begins to trot off. Kylo starts the walk over to the cabin, meeting you and letting you lead him into the cabin where you had started a fire in the fireplace, a few candles lit on the mantle. “I made bread, and some muffins” You say, looking at Kylo softly. You had noticed so much pain in him throughout the week. He often kept to himself, and whenever you asked a question of his history or where he came from, he would retreat into himself, and you wouldn’t hear a word out of him for hours. Kylo takes a muffin, a bite being taken from it. “It’s good” He tells you through the mouthful. “Thank you” You say with a smile, turning and running your fingers through your hair as you walk to the windows, Diaval flying in quickly before you shut and latched the windows. “Do you have hair?” Kylo asks, staring at your horns once more. “Yes” You say, letting out a small laugh “It’s this crown. It hides all of it” “Can I see it?” He asks, watching your facial expression. “Only if you tell me something about yourself” You counter, sitting down in the seat across from him. “Why do you want to know about me so much?” He asks you, brows furrowing as he sets the muffin down. “Because you’re living in my house and I know nothing about you” You say “I’ll take off my crown and tell you something about myself as long as you tell me something about you. I’ll take anything at this point Kylo.” “Okay” He grumbles “My mother is the leader of the resistance and my father was a smuggler.” “Was?” You ask, “Does he have another profession now?” “He’s dead” Kylo says, and you know immediately from his expression that you should stop prying. “Oh” You say, glancing down. “I never knew my parents, I just… Existed one day. And I’ve been existing ever since. I haven’t aged in thirty years.” You look up at him, seeing him picking at the muffin. You reach up, your fingers peeling away the snake like skin that was wrapped around your head, you pull it off once it was loosened, standing and setting it on the dresser. You pulled the leather tie out of your hair, letting the strands fall around your face. You wrap the leather around your wrist, picking up the wide tooth wooden comb and running it through your hair, feeling the knots loosen as you pulled it through. “You’re very beautiful” Kylo whispers, watching your gentle movements. “Thank you” You say, a slight blush coming up to heat your cheeks. Outside, you hear the rain begin to pour. ~ Kylo slept in front of the fire as you watched him from your bed. Holding a quilt tightly around you, your toes peaking out from the bottom. He was shirtless, his pants and boots still on. Even in living in your home for a month, he never showed his body. Never accepted your offer to switch sleeping locations for a night. “The floor can’t be good for your back” You would tell him. But he would always decline, telling you that he can’t take a bed from a lady. You leave the bed quietly, removing the quilt from around you and laying it gently over Kylo, lifting your hand and using your magic to undo the clasps on his boots, wiggling your fingers and watching them slip off his feet. You sigh sadly. Even his feet had deep scars. Much like the ones on his back and arms. You return to your bed, wings wrapping around your body as you curled up on the small bed. ~ “Where did you go” Kylo asks you, looking up from where he was pacing across the room. “I had to do my rounds of the perimeter” You say quietly, hands rubbing your arms to try to bring back some warmth “I still have duties that I need to fulfil.” “Tell me when you’re going to leave again” He says, coming over with the quilt, wrapping it around you. “You were sleeping” You argue weakly, holding the quilt tightly to you. “You should have worn something warmer than your dress” Kylo grumbles, fussing with rubbing your arms. “Sit in front of the fire. I’ll heat up some soup” You do as he says, sitting on the blanket he uses to sleep on, legs stretched out so the soles of your feet were directly in front of the flames. You hear Kylo bump a few items together, he grumbles when you let out a small laugh at him when you look over. He scoops some soup into a bowl, grabbing a spoon and coming over to you, handing you the bowl. “It’s getting cold out y/n” He tells you “You’re going to get sick if you don’t cover up when you go out. I’ve seen people die of cold, I don’t want to see you die of something so stupid.” “Be careful Kylo, you’re making it sound like you care about me” You say with a smile, scooping up some soup with the spoon and shovelling it into your mouth. “So what if I do?” Kylo grumbles defensively. “It’ll mess up whatever you came here for” You say, seeing him open his mouth to protest “Don’t lie to me. I know when you do. You came here for something, not just to run away from that war out there.” Kylo lets out a sigh, sitting beside you while you ate and warmed up. When you finished the soup, you yawned, leaning against the ruggedly dark and handsome man who had come to take up so much space in your life and heart. You yawn once more, resting your eyes. ~ “It’s my wings” You find yourself saying, leaning into Kylo as you mixed the seasonings for your dinner. “Your power comes from your wings?” Kylo asks, looking down at you, seeing you nod before looking up to catch his eyes. “Not everyone is just born with magic. It hides in certain areas.” You say, stirring the powders once more “Some can have it in horns, or their voice. I knew a fairy whose magic was in her eyes.” You look down, hands pausing as you release a sigh. “What is it?” Kylo asks, brows furrowing. “She’s blind now” You whisper. “She lives in a cave, she doesn’t know how to live without her magic anymore.” “How did she lose it?” He asks, his hand taking the spices bowl from you. “King David feared her, so he cut out her eyes” You mutter quietly, a shiver wracking through your body. “That’s when I put up the wall of thorns between the forest and the human kingdom. He tortured so many of us, found our magic and took it. There’s only a few of us left with magic” Kylo looks away, his breathing becoming shaky. “I’ll be right back” He leaves the cabin quickly, shoulders trembling as he remembered once more why he was sent to this planet. To this woman. The thought of tearing such a significant part of her away from her was unimaginable to him. Kylo leans against a tree, squeezing his eyes shut and forcing the thought of her screaming in pain away from him. He couldn’t do that to her. He loved her too much to cause her any form of pain. “Kylo?” You ask, standing in the doorway “Are you alright?” “I’m fine” He coughs, turning to you. He walks back to the cabin, stepping passed you to return to making dinner. From the windowsill in front of him, Diaval cawed angrily. ~ “Y/n?” Kylo groans, seeing you coming in from outside, snow coming down from the sky. He saw your bare legs and feet. “Don’t say it” You mutter “I know, I’ll die from the cold if I don’t cover up. I swear I’ll wear something warmer next time. But it was an emergency. So please just help me warm up.” Kylo nods, sighing as he comes over to you, guiding you to your bed and tucking you in under the covers, sitting beside you on top of the quilt. “Come under” You whine, tugging on his shirt. Kylo flushes slightly, nodding as he kicks off his boots, he leans back, raising his hips so he could shimmy under the blankets, sitting beside you again properly as you wrap your arm around his thighs. You look up at him, giving him a tired smile. “You take such good care of me” You say quietly, nuzzling his hip with your nose. Kylo looks down to you with a smile “Go to sleep y/n” ~ “We won’t be able to go out for a while” You say to Kylo, watching his face “We’re going to get a lot of snow. It’ll be hard to leave the cabin.” “Oh what a shame.” Kylo says dramatically, rolling his eyes before looking at you. “What could we ever do to pass the time?” “Do you have a suggestion?” You ask, looking out the window where the snow continued to fall. “Maybe one” He whispers shyly, his fingers tracing your cheekbone and your nose, falling onto your lips. He uses his other arm to adjust you, making sure to keep you and your wings comfortable as he brings your face up closer to his, his fingers only leaving your lips to replace them with his lips. They were extremely soft for someone who never put any form of balm on them, and for someone who always chewed at their lip when they were frustrated. You didn’t fully realize how big they were until they were on yours. You let out a soft sigh, your breath hot against his face. He brings you closer, the arm around you adjusting so his fingers were in your hair. “You taste like pomegranates” You whisper gently, giggling breathlessly. “I’ve never tasted something as wonderful as you” He replies, kissing the corner of your mouth and up your cheek. You grin, opening your eyes to watch him. With each kiss, he closes his eyes. You shiver when he places his lips once more onto yours. “I love you a lot” you mumble, curling into him, wings flexing before wrapping around you and Kylo. A small reflex to keep the two of you safe from anything bad. “And I love you” He whispers, resting his forehead against yours. “I’m so lucky you came here” You say, smiling up at him “I’m so lucky I have you with me.” ~ “Ren” The hoarse voice shouts at him, Kylo squirms in his sleep. He hadn’t heard this voice in months. “You’re wasting time!” “I’m not!” Kylo cries out into the dark abyss in front of him. All warmth was gone from around him. He couldn’t feel you beside him, or the fire across the room. He was completely alone save for the large hologram in front of him of the scarred being he called his master. “You have been gone from the First Order for to long!” Snoke hisses to him “You were not supposed to be gone for more than a week! It has been a year! Or have you lost track of your mission.” “No Supreme Leader. I haven’t” Kylo says quietly, avoiding the gaze of his master. “Where is her power source?” It was a question, but Snoke made it into the worst kind of command. The words making Kylo drop to his knees. “Where is it Kylo. Kylo slams his fist against the floor, cursing. “She trusts me!” He yells, looking up to the flickering hologram. “So it will be easy for you to finish your mission” Snoke says, leaning forward on his throne. Kylo looks down once more when Snoke gets closer to his face. How could a hologram be so commanding? So terrifying? “Where is her power source?” Kylo couldn’t keep the answer in. A pressure was against his chest, forcing air out of his lungs. He begins to cough, a loud wet noise coming from him. “Where, Kylo Ren!” Snoke yells, his voice echoing throughout Kylo’s mind. “Wings!” Kylo coughs, vomit coming up his throat, covering his hand and the ground. Kylo coughs again, curling into himself, hair falling around his face, the strands in damp clumps from sweat. “You have a week” Snoke says quietly “If you are not back to the Star Destroyer base with her wings in that time, I will send another to do it.” Kylo coughs, a loud, wet sound. “If you are not back in a week, you will have declared yourself against the First Order, for everything that you’ve ever worker for. You will be an outcast” Snoke tells him, squinting at the man in front of him “I did not raise you to be weak.” The hologram rippled, Snoke vanishing without a sound. Kylo looks up, his body trembling. Chin dripping with the contents of his stomach and excess saliva from his mouth. There was nothing around him, he couldn’t see anything. He could feel the cold ground beneath him, but when he looked down to his hand, there was nothing there. He lets out a shocked yell, scrambling upwards Kylo. He looks around, fighting for air as he sucks in nothing into his lungs. He lets out a choked noise, reaching up to grip his chest. His hand was there, but he couldn’t see it. “Kylo?” Your voice echoed throughout the abyss, almost like it was echoing off mountains. “Y/n!” Kylo yells, coughing once more for breath. Kylo feels a hand on his bicep, he looks around, knowing it was you. But you weren’t here. You weren’t in the darkness with him. “Kylo!” You yell. You sounded so far away. So unreachable. He lets out a sob, his arm swinging out. “Y/N!” He yells, his hand finds something solid. He grabs onto it. “Open your eyes! Please” You gasp, holding his bicep tighter. His eyes snap open, blurred colours dancing across his vision. “Y/N?” He whispers hazily, his raw throat letting your name out in a rasp. “I’m here” you say gently, pushing his wet hair away from his face. “I’m here.” Kylo blinks a few times, his eyes focusing on you. Your hair was a mess around your face, your eyes wide with fear, the more he woke, the more he noticed your trembling body, hands shaking on his arm. He sits up, his arm wrapping around you quickly, pulling you tightly against him as he buries his face into your neck. “I’m sorry” He whispers, body shaking with yours. “Why are you sorry Kylo?” You ask, eyes searching his face for any answer. He releases you, standing up shakily. Grabbing onto a chair as he steadied himself. “I need to think” He whispers, stepping into his boots and pulling his cloak around him. “Kylo what’s going on?” You ask, scrambling from the bed. “Go back to sleep. Don’t follow me” He snaps, grabbing something from his belt as he stormed out of the one roomed cabin, the wind screaming as he slammed the door behind him. You stare, eyes wide. One leg was off the bed, the other bent under you. Through the noise of the storm outside, you heard Kylo scream. ~ The night dragged on. You didn’t return to bed, but you did as he said and didn’t follow him out. You paced the cabin, and you’re sure you were noticing a rut beginning to form in your floorboards. You flexed your wings, looking out the window and seeing the sky beginning to lighten ever so slightly. You knew morning had arrived. Your body was trembling when you went to your small counter, slicing a loaf of bread and taking a slice, nibbling slightly on the crust. You sat down, staring at the door for what seemed like eternity. A full day passed, then two, and then three. You barely moved from the chair. On the fourth day, you changed from your nightgown into some wool pants and a thick sweater, gently pushing your wings through the slits in the back. You sit down, pulling on some knee-high leather boots. You reach for your cloak, clasping it with the brooch before leaving the cabin. The snow still fell around you as you walked, seeing the slightest imprints of Kylo’s boots left in the snow. You tremble, seeing part of a tree in front of your home sliced down the trunk. You flex your wings, you walk down where there was once a path in front of the cabin, getting out of the shadow of your home. The wind rustled through your wings, lifting you up in your takeoff. You keep your eyes on the ground, following the weak trail to where Kylo might be. There was no life in the cold. All your creatures and the people you ruled over were hidden away in the warmth of their homes, with their loved ones. Your wings struggled against the wind when your direction changed. Your body was shaking in the cold, and with the fear of what was coming. What would you find? Would you find Kylo? Is he alive? Frozen to death? You noticed more things around you had the same slashes at the tree by the cabin. Once you lost the trail of his footprints, you began to follow the slashes, hair whipping around your face, almost making you miss the mass of black, a blur of bright red swinging around it. You gasp, landing a safe distance away. “Kylo?” You call, walking closer ever so slowly. “I told you to stay!” He yells, turning to you. He was soaked, his cloak barely moving from having been drenched from his sweat and the snow, and then frozen in the cold. “I was worried about you” You tell him, coming closer “What is that thing?” “You know nothing about me!” He yells, a sob coming through his words. “What don’t I know Kylo?” You ask, stopping your steps a few arm lengths from him. “Everything” He whispers, dropping his arm, the red glow stilling. “I’m not safe” “What does that mean?” You ask, eyeing the object in his hand. It was almost like a sword. But not quite. It looked much more dangerous. “I killed my father. I’m the evil in the world” He snaps, looking you in the eyes “I was sent here to take your wings away from you” You stare, eyes widening. Kylo watches for your reaction, noticing the briefest of steps backwards. “But I can’t do it.” He hisses, spinning and waving the flaming sword. “I love you too much to hurt you. I can’t complete this mission” He drops to his knees in front of you, pressing a button and turning the red light off. “If I don’t do it, Snoke will send someone out to get you. They’ll bring you to the Finalizer to torture you before removing your wings. They’ll give you the most painful death imaginable.” “What side of that war are you on” You whisper, bringing your arms and wings around you. “The bad side” He whispers, “I told you my mother was the leader of the resistance.” You didn’t know how to respond. You look down at the ground. “What are we going to do?” Kylo looks up, standing up weakly and stumbling over to you. “I can hide you. Far from here. I can take you to my mother. She’ll keep you safe” “I can’t leave here” You say “I need to keep my people safe. Your people will find me no matter where I am. I cannot be a part of a war. And I cannot bring my kingdom into a war” “It’s our only option” Kylo says, reaching his hand up to hold your cold cheek. But you turn your head away, his hand hovering still for a moment before dropping. “You can take my wings” You whisper, a tear freezing on your cheek. “it will keep us all safe.” “It will cause you pain” He tells you “I cannot do that.” “You have to” You say “It’ll be in vain for your master. No one can use them other than me. Your simply have a useless set of wings collecting dust.” Kylo watches you “You’re not thinking properly.” “I’ll still have my magic. It just won’t be as strong” You say softly, looking up at him “I’m telling you to take my wings. Save all of us and keep us out of the war. Kylo, take them.” He steps towards you again, reaching up and wrapping his arms around your body. “I don’t want to do it.” “You must” You say, arms holding his hips for a moment before stepping back. He watches you quietly, a tears falling from his eyes. “You’re my one weakness” He says, body shaking as he presses the button once more, the red flying out of the holes. “What is that thing?” You ask, eyeing it. “A lightsaber” He mumbles. “you’re a Jedi” You whisper, eyes wide and mouth falling open slightly. “I could have been” He says, not meeting your eyes. “Do you love me?” You ask, using your fingers to force his chin up. “Yes” He responds gently, his eyes resting on your nose. Avoiding your gaze. “You can do this” You tell him. “Just do it quickly. Please.” You turn, back facing him. You hear his shaky breaths. You clench your fists, forcing your wings to fall down against your back. “You’re shaking” He whispers. “I’m scared” You reply, squeezing your eyes shut. You do your best to hold in the agonized scream when you feel a burning slice across the base of your right wing. A high pitched gasped moan comes out instead, and you tremble. You hear a loud thump land behind you, and you glance down, seeing your wing laying in the snow, a small line of blood bleeding into the white. “Only one more” He whispers hoarsely. You did scream this time, falling forward onto your knees as your nails dug into your palm. You heard the thump again, and felt a sudden coldness on your back. You look over, seeing Kylo scooping some snow and placing it where your wings once were. “I’m so sorry” He says, capturing your eyes. Tears streaming more freely from his than yours. You sniffled, forcing yourself up from the snow. “Leave” you say, walking away. “Y/N-!” He calls, watching you stumble in the deep snow. “You’ve finished what you came here for” You sob “Now leave!” Kylo looks down, staring at the bloodied snow. The black wings folding together, any undertone blues and purples began to fade from the feathers. He looked up once more, seeing you gone from his view in the storm.

You’re a nurse on the Star Killer Base. It’s a fairly quiet job in the First Order unless a mission goes horribly wrong or Kylo Ren has a tantrum in front of a bunch of people. Neither of those two happen often, so your days are littered with stocking supplies and dealing with engineers who had a slip of the hand or played too rough with their coworkers. You had never met Kylo in your few years working for the first order, somehow you were always just super conveniently on your off day for working, or on call for the engineers. You don’t meet Kylo until your fifth year in. At first, you don’t know what’s going on. Everything is confusing during the shift change, and with a bloodied patient withering in pain on a bed while yelling at everybody, it doesn’t help the situation much.No one would tell you what was going on, other than this patient was above the rest, and for fuck’s sake can someone take his lightsaber away before he kills someone with it!Somehow, you were thrust onto Kylo as his personal nurse, essentially doing anything he wanted.You often found yourself being the one holding him down when anything was being stitched up or when someone was cleaning the gash on his face that he was refusing to stitch up.You didn’t put together who he was until you mentioned there hadn’t been any tantrums from Ren in a while. It’s then that he speaks up to you, telling you that you should watch your mouth in front of your superior. You become flustered, apologizing until he tells you to shut up and just put the cream on his face. ~When Kylo is ‘discharged’ from the medical ward (he actually just left and threatened anyone who tried to tell him he had to stay) he commissioned you as his personal nurse.You never really knew how stupid Kylo Ren was until you had to follow him around all the time. “I hit the doorframe with my head again”“I got my hand stuck in the ramp for the command shuttle”“I tripped over my cape”The worst one though, was when he sends for you. And when you go to find him, he’s hiding in a supply closet like a child. You end up arguing with him to come out of the closet, but he ends up pulling you in, saying that he can’t come out. He has a hole in his pants. You’re not listening of course, because you’re in such a small space and there’s no room for both of you in the closet. Not to mention your fear of small spaces.Kylo is rambling to you about his pants and how they ripped, but you’re too busy focusing on breathing and trying not to freak out. Kylo doesn’t notice for a few minutes before freaking out about you freaking out, you stumble out of the closet, someone looking over when you fall onto your hands and knees, breathing heavily.They notice Ren in the closet, using his cape to cover his torn pants. They snicker, ready to spread what they just saw. Kylo kneels beside you, using the force to calm you down before asking if you would like to come to his quarters to rest while he changes. He carries you, using you to cover the rip in his pants while he walks. The next thing you know, you’re laying in Kylo Ren’s bed with him putting a kiss on your forehead (thinking you’re asleep and won’t notice) as he changes his pants.