#muse notes

Like my week already had to be rescheduled after my support worker had a massive emergency over the weekend. She's safe and sound and not majorly injured at all, but when you rely on a consistent routine it's quite difficult when major events happen. This is absolutely the source of my trouble processing things ATM

So apparently all of this change with D and P (hard launch, podcast, the live stream and regular videos it's quite a lot) as well has been too much. Getting back into the phandom this year has been amazing but as someone with moderate to severe autism and ADHD, hyper fixations can take over sometimes, and with everything else that has been going on for me in the past few months, it's not helping my mental health ATM to put the same mental energy into this blog as I was my other life happenings

It just means for the first time at least with a YouTube fandom I think I need to take a break

So if I'm not posting on here for a while it's because I have felt way too overwhelmed genuinely and need a break

See you in a week 💕 I'll pin this post and if anything crazy happens feel free to reply or send an ask

I realize there’s a lot of content that takes AM from his usual grotesque side and inserts him into a more loving, if not romantic type of light. NO, this isn’t dogging on anyone who writes/reads x-Reader fics, this is just my take on how a situation like that could develop. To each their own !!

I don't believe AM is incapable of love, or kindness, or even, in a way, romance. But it must all be connected to his one and only goal: to destroy humanity.

They become isolated. Resented. While each member huddles up for warmth, they are not invited. Because they get food. They get shelter. They get spoken to so softly, that it causes a rift between the others- an ultimate mind-game for those who are no fun with physical pain. They are not considered in ANY social situation, and are perhaps even considered an enemy or a threat to the rest of their survival for AM's favoritism. And, outside of the individuals effects, it would be SO grand to him, watching as the others cope with being the "bad seeds." Watching as this single, random person gets to eat, gets to sleep in a warm bed, gets gentleness and softness while THEY are pulled apart and sewn together again. The individual is hardly considered human at all, as AM hates humans with an undying, never-ending grudge.

And there's still room for mind-games. They have everything, but common companionship. They live in fear of being attacked or harmed by the others, and they are shown NO kindness, except by the hand that beats, causing not only a rift, but a bias. What are THEY doing wrong to receive such foul treatment??? What is THEIR problem?? Why are THEY so violent??

It becomes a You VS Me situation between the “love interest” and the rest of the group. They are the runt of the litter and are not allowed to partake in many of their activities or efforts due to their relationship with AM, when compared to their own. What’s even more interesting to me though, is WHY this would be happening.

AM doesn’t need a reason to punish anyone. He can do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, because it’s not like they can fight back. That being said, giving him a reason isn’t off the table, either. It’s fun. Just another form of torment for his victims. There’s no way to hurt AM, so, by having a single subject of his affection, that gave them the ability to provoke him, and tear each other apart. With each physical fight, there’s no doubt in my mind he waits and watches as his “special one” is beaten and ganged up on, just so he can lash out with fear in their eyes. Making them know they’ve done wrong.

Montgomery had not a single word in anything that went into their designs. Yes, I’m referring to that course. Montgomery shares absolutely none of the views that the decorations care to hint at, and actually cares a whole lot for the whole gang, including Freddy. He is his friend, and while it’s funny to see manufactured rivalry, they’re also quite worried about how this may affect one-another, as it doesn’t seem to stop at Monty’s Golf, but also leech into Fazer Blast as well, with the teams being colored orange and green. Yes, the green is for the aliens, but still, it rubs them a certain way. This is why they perform so closely together when on stage, often getting literally back-to-back.

———————

Ref is here

Age: 24

Gender: Male

Sexuality: Bisexual (Male leaning)

Occupation: Night guard

Hobbies: Watching TV. Playing Let’s Go Fishin’. (Desk version)

Positive traits: Has quick reflexes, keen eyes, and can mentally push himself beyond reasonable limits. Can also sing the alphabet backwards.

Negative traits: Emotionally sensitive, physically sensitive, psychologically sensitive, is very weak, doesn’t like to eat, doesn’t like interaction, is in a constant state of sadness.

Defining notes: Being subjected to a childhood of torment has left him both literally and metaphorically scarred, as well as allowed him to develop several fears. Including: Being locked in enclosed spaces, loud bangs, shouting and or yelling, disapproval and or rejection, stuffed animals, and rubber-bands. Through the loss of his family, Michael has also developed a heavy-case of separation-anxiety and depression. His depressive-episode has not ended since he lost his father, despite his feelings towards him.

Go Makoto. Age, 34. Around the early 2000s, she became friends with a girl named Subusa Haya. In her original homeworld, magic was more or less extinct and she was one of the last pure blooded mages to be born. Her grandfather attempted to pawn her off to other mage bloodlines to get the Gos to a higher standing but proved to be fruitless. He refused to pass the family title on to her, even after his death. 

Her friendship with Subusa Haya was one of the few things that kept her grounded with the world since she was only allowed limited access. The two would often visit the idol shows in the park, where a certain girl named Fumiko proved to be the ones that they liked the best. However, they never became close to her. 

Haya would prove to have an interest in the supernatural and Makoto would happily go along with her whims. However, one day, this non-magical girl version of Haya was killed by a curse in the Go mansion. 

Makoto, already skilled with the art of necromancy tried to bring Haya back but this failed, only to create a ghoul. The beast would moan in pain. Makoto ultimately put the corpse down. This would be the start of her self isolation. 

Around two years later, Makoto’s first doll Aurelia would be created. She was a doll that was created during the Victorian and thus passed the youkai tradition of something being over 100 years old gaining a soul of its own. Aurelia is the sisterly type to Makoto, being doting and caring. 

Her second was Willie. This doll was one that she crafted herself and after learning from the failures of ghouls, used an artificial soul to power the dolls body. She had spent time researching Jewish golem rituals to make this work. Though, unlike a traditional golem, Willie has free will.

The final doll that she has made so far is named Fuyu. Fuyu was once a human being that was put into a mage human trafficking ring since she had magical potential and the mage world was desperate for new magical users. Even if it meant creating artificial ones. Makoto stopped the ring, but found the doll in bad shape. It’s been her main focus to improve Fuyu’s body through a more natural means compared to dolls like Hana or Sophia. 

Through out this time, Makoto’s other focus was trying to find ways of saving Haya from bad fates. This seemed next to impossible, since almost every world she’s been to, Haya was already past her prime or faced a surprise death. After awhile, she pretty much arrived just to be friends with her before the end came. 

She learned the ablitiy to travel between words because as a child she helped a fox escape from a trap left out by her grandfather. This turned out to be Chisato.. After seeing her passion to helping Fuyu out, Chisato made a contract with Makoto. Thus allowing them to have a willing  possession. Her magic is now on par with a local kami.