#murrmrr

AUGUST 1, 2013

6:52AM: TRANSCRIPTION OF VIDEO UPDATE:

this is my third try at doing this 'cause i keep on...ending up rambling. today's august first, i said i'd--i would update the liveblog today, i don't feel like writing, it's six fifty-two a.m. i got...uh, i'm in...new york. i was in...my...in maryland, at my mom's. for some days. um. um. tonight--really briefly, what i've been doing--um. my friend jordan is visiting either tonight or the next...day...and he's allergic to cats, so most of tonight since i've gotten home i've been cleaning the apartment. um. i've be--i've been--(points to bottle) this isn't really coconut water. it's just water. (picks up windex). i've been using this to kill--i left a lemon on my windowsill, a-nd...it was full of fruit flies when i got back. so, um. i don't recommend this way...of killing...bugs? because i think...this is...poison? um, because it kills them. but i-it, it is good, you demobilize them. um...and i think eventually like, even if you don't...smash them after you de-mobilize, they like. slowly kinda lose their...faculties, or something. they go on their own. i've been getting a lot tonight, i probably killed like twenty...or something, tonight. i can't believe there's so many, i feel like they're breeding. um. but i--where? where? where are they breeding? um. i'm pretty good at getting them with my hands.

i went...to maryland...'cause the guy i was seeing, who--i don't (nose laugh)--the ‘omitted’ person? um, that ended. i don't wanna get in...to...it, 'cause. i don't. wanna. give him the. satisfaction (laugh) of getting talked about, anymore, by me. it ended pretty bad. um. and. so i was hanging out with mom--i didn't do any of the things, in maryland, that i said i was gonna do, um. which were to, like. something with my phone. um. and print out, uh. applications for schools. (exhale).

so cleaning the apartment: that's what i've been doing...uh. (pause). last night. (pause). you can't tell how clean it is, 'cause i tried to show in anoth--that's the laundry, that i have there. right now it's a temporary...comforter, temporary, uh--my old one--'cause...the cats...peed...while i was gone....so i u-uh, a lot--i shampooed--i was shampooing and blow-drying the...mattress, a lot. all the cat pee's out. i just don't wanna. um. i just wanna sleep with a mattress pad on it tonight. no sheets. um.

so i guess i'll show you--four minutes, is that kinda long?--(pause). show you some stuff that's different.

(picks up picture) um, th-this? th-this. this? um. i...this is called 'fucked tuna.' there it--there he is. there's the other ones. i commissioned tao to make that, um. 'cause he made a similar one. for someone, and i thought. he gave it to me like really cheap. i really like the colors of it. and. um. just like, i like (close-up of picture) that, the...what's going on, with that (laughs). um. it was really nice. of him. to do that, cheap.

um. bathroom...? is anything different in the bathroom? dyed my hair? in here? a couple weeks ago? i got a zit, it's like...the last...kinda...days...of my perio--i really, i--i just--you can't tell i-i, i just--i cleaned it. the apartment. i cleaned it really hard, tonight. um. did i say why? i forget if i said why. doesn't matter.

um. what else. let's get a variety of (nose laugh) shots. um, tha--i don't know, it's--it just looks really...clean to me. like, the surfaces. and then there's not much crap around anywhere.

um. oh--uh. (pause). here (opens freezer): i was disappointed to only find spinach, when i got home? 'cause i thought i had bananas, and i could make a green smoothie thing, tomorrow? guess i can't. (opens refrigerator). here's the refrigerator situation, um. on the top shelf i have kimchi, raw, and red cabbage, raw. cat food, as usual. got some garlic. some hot sauce. um, i still have this chia mixture thing. i'm kind of afraid. to see what happens with that, and. under there--you can't tell, but i threw away the milk--i had milk--and uh, a bud clamato? thing? um...that...i got both of those with uh, whatev—‘omitted,’ or whatever (nose laugh). it doesn't matter. um.

um, so i'm gonna show you this other stuff, now? really quick, about my mo--my mom and i talked a lot. i had a really good time. with mom. and i had a good talk with dad, today, too. (exhale). mom gave me a lot of jewelry. for kind of a sad reason. kinda, uh. she thinks they're probably...she wants...me and my sister to have...some of her, stuff. before. she (whisper) dies, or something. um. so. she's into...um--i'll get into that in a second. she gave me, earrings, th-thes--she has a lot of nice jewelry. it's like, 'nice.' these are like emeralds, or something? and then, she let me pick out rings--i used to wear rings a lot. um. and, these i've always had, and i've felt a little weird about...wearing them just plain, um--this one's my grandma's engagement ring. and then, this one's my mom's...something...special. um, but i-i, i feel wei--like. a little like. it's not my 'married' finger, but it looks like i'm--i don't know. i don't know. i feel weird about wearing them. but i really like them. but i feel like it looks less weird. 'cause (laugh) i have...other rings, now. um, this one? it's a stone called like peridot, and. it's on mars, my mom said. they found it on mars. and then this one--this, is special, to me, because my mom watches the jewelry channel, a lot, it's--and, um. um. knoxville tennessee or something--it's not home shopping network but it's like that, and. um. she ordered this. she orde--sh-she, she just bu--she likes the people on it, and. s-she has, all these like plates with like rocks and crystals and stuff on them, she. used to be into crystals, a littl--when i was little. 'cause she's like, 'they're--you should have them. they hold you onto the ground' or something and, other reasons, she has this whole thing about crystals. which i think is really cute. and she. so she gave me--she gave me this, which is like an old butter dish, they used to put butter in this. and these are all from the jewelry channel. they're all pretty...pretty! sparkly! just nice, you know--nice little...jewels--and she's like, just--just look at them sometimes. and think about how. pretty, they are. and, um. and feel nice. so i'm gonna do that. it's funny to be talking about stuff like this like, 'oooh oooh, rocks! and stuff,' but. um. (pause) and like, stuff! like stuff, that she was like, 'you can't. give. anyone. any blowjobs, if you wear this,' (laugh) um, or, 'you can't have butt-sex,' (laugh) and...'you should start taking care of yourself' or, something, and. um. i-i, i don't--but i...like? doing those...things? some peop--i don't know, she was ver--uh, i. i don't--i don't know. um.

so anyway it's weird 'cause...it feels kinda cool, kinda different, to have those things. um.

i think that's about it. for what's happened tonight.

i ea--i ate, i have oxycodone, and i have xanax--i ate two milligrams of xanax, earlier, and...fifteen total oxycodone tonight, since (pause) around probably like, eight p.m. and i still. i'm having a hard time sleeping, a lot. (exhale) and...um. overall feeling...um. i was feeling pretty good, i was feeling pretty good. then the thing with, um. the person. happened. then i felt pretty bad, i've been feeling pretty bad. uh, since tha--that happened friday. today's wednesday--or thursday, now, technically--jeez almost a week. um. so. i don't know...if i'm gonna wanna update...liveblog, right now. for the next few days. 'cause i wanna be hanging out with jordan and stuff. and not thinking. and not wanna type stuff.

before...um...i g--part of my thing, part of my plan, when i stopped...doing...the liveblog thing, i was like 'i'm gonna write, uh, i'm gonna start writing articles. for vice. again. and i'm gon-na...apply...to s--to colleges,' and i...i sent in my fafsa. forms. for, colleges. um. but i really haven't done much of anything yet. um, and i thought i would. those were kinda things i wanted to kinda straighten out, er. or like, i'm gonna do research studies...or something. um (pause). f-eeling in general...like i don't have anything...to say (laugh). to...or con-trib-ute, to stuff. that was another thing with the guy. 'omitted' guy. he kinda has his shit together and i kinda don't. it seemed to not bother him but maybe it did. um, i don--i don't, actually i don't think--i don't know what it was, um. he seems more...kinda obsessed, with like...sex, than me...um....i could take, or leave...sex (laugh). um, and he...did i say he cheated on me? i said it on twitter. he cheated on me. that's never happened to me in the, the um. (shows necklace) this is from coldwater cr-creek (laugh), um. never happened to me in the beginning, the beginni--like, the two months, 'beginning'--it's...happened at the end, when things are already bad, or i've agreed with the person, like, 'we're gonna see other people' and. and i-i, i'm pretty sure--uh, i don't know, i don't wanna get into...um...talkin'...shit—

days just keep going by, and then they turn into night, and then they turn into morning, and i'm up for all of it, and it sucks. um. and i'm...flaky...person (laugh) to hang out with, but then, so seems kind of, everyone, sorta...um, tolerated in this particular group of people that i like hanging out with sometimes? um. (pause). i'm probably the worst, 'cause i'm not even good at emails or stuff. or, uh. or being...consistent, with stuff...or...anything. so...

i guess that's about it, um. (pause). no matter what, it--it always feels a little better if the apartment's clean, if everything is really really super-clean, really--surfaces are all dusted and, um, laundry--it's just like...there's less cells, of. that person. here. uh (pause). or, yeah. there's just less of it. um. this is really long. thanks for listening if you want. it's--here, this--let this...tide you...ov--i (laugh)--uh. i'm not gonna update for a few days, so...um...stupid, stupid stupid stupid st--okay, um. the end thank you for listening goodbye.

Here’s the video I transcribed: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=a_IyCWgR-Rw&index=31&list=PLsyt9f4wsCrZYQC6w_DbLdlJ18P2C_wJb&t=0s

Here’s a video of me reading this transcription: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HDB2XP2um0M