#murdocsuccals

i threw myself under the bus for mae. magpie was hurting her so much and i knew they already didnt trust me because of where i came from (long story im not ok with talking about right now) so i. took front. told them “its me, im doing this, ill leave and never come back, you dont have to hurt [mae] or the others anymore”

and i dont remember what they said but they were, so angry, they mightve grabbed me or maybe they were already grabbing mae

and the whole t ime mae was. yelling at me, too. begging at me to not, do this, that it wasnt worth it , that she didnt want me to go, and both of us knowing that everyone else , even the other leos probably, would think that the things i was making up were true

hero complex? yes. hero homicide? no. i was building mae back up after the hell she was going through, but i never, EVER hurt her. shes under my protection

all of this was dramatic on purpose, i knew magpie would fall for it, that they would be expecting a speech from me, that they would be glad for me to go without a fight, that they never expected me to fight anyway, that they would easily easily EASILY believe that i was secretly manipulative because of my origins

so. i left. i kept trying to tell magpie “dont blame [mae] for this, dont hate [mae] for this” and they kept cutting me off. so i just... left, because i wasnt allowed to say it.

but.

it. didnt even matter what i did. because mae died. and i couldt do anything about it. i didnt even know. i ... didnt even know mae died, that i failed so. epically. fuck.

even when they did manage to bring mae back, when they were out of magpie’s reach, they were scared to acknowledge the possibility that maybe i could come back too.