#mummy dearest

The secret of the screaming mummy – has been solved! At least, in theory! (Not everyone is convinced). The ancient Egyptian woman (whose identity is lost in the mists of time!) was buried an estimated 3,500 years ago, disinterred by archaeologists in 1935 near Luxor – and her tortured expression has baffled experts ever since. (Doesn’t she look like Catherine Deneuve at the end of The Hunger?). As The Guardian explains, received wisdom has been that her eternal silent scream was simply “down to shoddy mummification.” Now, though, new researchers conclude that “the woman’s expression may be down to a rare, immediate form of rigor mortis” called “cadaveric spasm” (which would make a great name for a death metal band). Or, to put it more vividly, “the woman died crying out in agony.” Yikes! Fascinatingly, “the team say the mummy was well preserved, estimating the woman would have stood about 1.55 metres (just over 5ft) tall when alive. The CT scans offered further insights, revealing she died around 48 years old and had mild arthritis – including in her spine.” Her striking mane of long jet-black “hair” was a wig “made from braided date palm fibres and showed traces of juniper and frankincense as well as various minerals – possibly … to stiffen the fibres and give them a youthful black colour.” How stylish! Carry on screaming, lady. Scream and scream again! Pic by Sahar Saleem.

i feel like the joker trying to talk to harley, jesus.

So let’s boil up some water, no need to get a nurse…

'Appy Mummy's Day! Now, tidy that bedroom of yours, wash behind yer ears and straighten that tie! By 'eck, you look like you've just been unearthed by an archie-coloy-gist, you do straight!