#mt diary

And when I say my reality, what I was really talking about was my hair - my crowning glory if you will. (-ω-ゞ This hair right here..

You see, I lost my hair years ago back in New Year’s eve of 2014. So, by January 1st of 2015, I’ve officially lost all my hair - great way to start the new year huh? （ー△ー；） The picture above was taken on December 16 of 2014, that was how long it took for everything to fall apart.

Now that I try to recall things, I remember that I was desperately trying to hold on to whatever was left of my hair. I even had a haircut thinking it would slow down things somehow but NOPE.

This was the last picture (on December 28, 2014) I have of my hair still intact… Look at me, unaware of what has to befall me the next few days. (/ _ ; )

My desperation reached to the point that my remaining hair strands got jumbled up together and my hair felt like a hair ball - my it was painful and I finally know how Neelix feels like when he gets a hair ball. ｡ﾟ･（>﹏<）･ﾟ｡

I remember feeling sad everyday I wake up because I wake up to see my pillow filled with hair strands that have fallen off of my hair. Then I started getting bald spots, then it was all gone. It was a big deal for me not just cause my hair was long before this happened but because the way my hair was before I lost it was the first time in my life that I didn’t get any rants about my hair; ever since I was young it was all - “ang kapal ng buhok mo!” or something along those lines, the point is, I didn’t have attractive hair and I never really got to start caring for my hair until later in college and then this happens. So its just…. y-(~。~；) sigh, yeah it was a big deal for me. I mean, I even started trying to learn different ways to style my hair.

Which goes back to August 1 of 2016, when I’ve finally decided to stop wearing wigs every time I go outside. I started wearing hats and I stopped wearing wigs. Gosh, I had so many wigs. |˄·͈༝·͈˄₎.｡oO

It was some time before I decided - or actually my Mom decided I should just wear a wig when going out. Do you know why she finally did? Because PEOPLE STARE. And I don’t know what it is, I mean obviously it’s me and after experiencing it so many times, I’ve realized their thought process goes like this - oh look, it’s a girl who’s probably bald under that bandana or bonnet or whatever and oh look she’s wearing a mask, she probably has cancer, what type of cancer, what stage, how did she get it, and so on, and so forth. And it was difficult because, I could feel those stares at me. It was filled with not just questions but judging - and every time, I always felt like hiding. ｜−・;）

I eventually got used to it but my family especially my Mom and my sister hates it when people stare. And it’s true though, I don’t understand why you have to stare. It’s normal to look but if you continue staring up to the point that the person notices you are staring, I mean… Why? Who wouldn’t feel uncomfortable about that? (ﾉ；；)ﾉ~┻━┻

So eventually, Mom got me a wig, and hiding behind the wigs made things easier for me, I didn’t have to wear a bandana or a bonnet to hide that I was bald. I mean sure, people still stare but it was more bearable.

My first wig ever, and the shortest of the bunch. I still remember how awkward it feels the first time and I had no idea how to align it and stuff like that. I'm actually surprised no one noticed that it was a wig then.

My second wig, and of a brown color (cause variety matters? is what I thought then, I think?)

This was actually my most used wig cause well, it's real (and no one ever touched and questioned it) Yes, cause of the wig-wearing there's bound to be people questioning how it looks that way. I guess if people weren't staring cause of the mask it was the wig. ¯\_| ✖ 〜 ✖ |_/¯

And so, after being used to being hairless and all, you know I’d start to notice that I’m losing hair everywhere else as well. Like - my eyebrows, my eyelashes, I think I l even lost my nose hair too, and yes I do mean “everywhere else”. (／。＼)

And so, I started borrowing some of my Mom’s eyebrow stuff - oh, I had absolutely zero make-up knowledge back then. I mean, look at how I tried to shade in my non-existent eyebrows here. ｡ﾟ(TヮT)ﾟ｡

Or how I tried to hide that I absolutely had no eyelashes here. ٩̋(๑˃́ꇴ˂̀๑) I have absolutely no idea how I thought I looked okay that day.

Well, I did eventually figure out how to do a simple eyeliner (which probably took me forever), but hey, I’d take what I could get. (⌯꒪͒ ૢ∀ ૢ꒪͒) ੭ੇ

Looking back at it now, it makes me laugh but I sure have come far in the make-up department. Yay for me? (๑˃́ꇴ˂̀๑)

So that’s how I’ve been dealing with how I go out until the 1st of August 2016 when Mom and Dad finally convinced me to stop wearing a wig cause my hair was long enough. I wasn’t used to having my hair short that’s why I’ve been refusing to do so - and there’s that thing about my hair being thick and poofy (if that makes sense) （￣□￣；）

If you were wondering how I looked like with no hair then I don’t really know too because I always hid behind a camera or a wig. The first time I actually decided to take a picture of myself with no wig was this time - September of 2015. And I just thought to myself, “oh, that’s me” |_-｡)