What's left Unsaid, Says It All
What’s Left Unsaid, Says it all part 9/?
This Story can be Found at Ao3
Tagging; @today-in-fic @skullsmuldon
p.s. If this is formatted wrong I'm posting through a mobile as my pc broke
P.s.s if you would like updates and be tagged please let me know
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Chapter 9; First encounter of a child kind
Mulder stood there on the sidewalk stunned by his own actions and by Scully's sudden change in mood. Why had she gone from wanting nothing to do with him, to kissing him and then back to slapping him all in the span of a couple of minutes? Had he ruined the chance to finally meet his children? Had he ruined the chance of ever seeing Scully again?
He watched as the taxi drove off into the distance, standing there alone and cold when the sound of his cellphone pulled him out of his dark thoughts.
"Mulder, hey, it's Frohike. We've found what we were looking for in the medical records, are you ready for your mind to be blown?"
"It already has been. I know the results, Frohike" Mulder answered through gritted teeth, sounding hopeless and miserable.
"How? And why didn't you tell us that was the reason for our research?"
"Well, we just had a very loud conversation about it... and she finally admitted the truth to me. I don't know, I might've been wrong. I honestly wasn't absolutely sure until a few minutes ago"
The raw emotions behind the words Mulder spoke, told all three Gunmen exactly how much this had been and would continue to affect him. And they all felt terrible for him.
They had seen this type of emotion from Mulder, in the past. It was this kind of emotion that would normally proceed Mulder doing something so unbelievably reckless and get him into trouble - or almost got himself killed.
"Where are you right now? Do you want us to come get you?"
"The Sheppard. And thanks, fellas."
With everything that needed to be said Mulder simply pressed the end call button and stood there... Waiting. He knew the Gunmen would come to get him and stop him from doing something stupid, but he didn't really want to be sober anymore; he wanted to get drunk, so blind drunk that he couldn't remember his own name.
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Scully told the cab driver where to go before falling apart and crying into her hands in the backseat of the taxi. She needed her mom and sister right now, even though what she really wanted was Mulder... but he would always be out of reach.
When she arrived at her mother's house, her face was all blotchy and her eyes were red, puffy and sore. Quickly paying the driver what was due Scully exited the taxi. Maggie had stayed up anxiously awaiting the return of Dana and just so happened to be looking out of the window as the car pulled up. She almost ran to the front door, opening it and engulfing her youngest daughter in a protective hug.
Maggie's heart broke as she listened to Scully's heart-wrenching sobs that were soaking through her blouse. To keep her from getting cold she walked them both silently towards the front door and away from potential prying eyes. She carefully moved Scully into the living room and onto the sofa next to the roaring fireplace.
She left Scully airing there, staring out into the abyss, before going through to the kitchen to make them both a cup of tea. She could tell that Dana was in shock. She couldn't tell what happened but she knew what went on between her and Fox was something she deeply regretted. Maggie heard the kettle whistle and was brought out of thought. Grabbing a towel, she poured the water into cups. When the tea was made, she took the cups through to the living room and placed one in front of Scully on the small coffee table and sat on the chair facing her. She waited.
About thirty minutes later, Maggie guessed Scully had still not come out of her shock state of mind. Suddenly, she heard Will and Ellie start crying and just as she stood up she heard Melissa’s footsteps walking across the landing and into the room the twins were sleeping. She heard small whispers from Melissa and then there were lullabies. Knowing the way Melissa was with the twins made her smile. She was so caring and gentle and content with them. >She would make a brilliant mother some day.
Maggie stayed with Scully till the very early hours of the morning and that was when Melissa sent her mom to get some rest, she would take over. Before Maggie walked up the stairs she took a quick glance at her girl. Missy had managed to get Scully to lie down, her lying by her side with a blanket around them. It reminded her of when they were kids sneaking into each other's beds, or when they sneaked downstairs for snack and both fell asleep on the couch.
Missy awoke upon hearing footsteps behind her. Turning around, she saw her mom.
"Hey. sweetie. How is she?" Maggie whispered. Missy shook her head as if to say no change and Maggie sighed. Melissa wiggled her way out of the cocoon she and Scully had made to go get changed and have some breakfast.
A few hours later Missy and Maggie were sat at the small kitchen table sipping two coffees. They heard stirred movements from the living room and then they saw Scully walk through to the kitchen, taking a seat opposite them both.
Scully looked at her sister and felt like she was going to burst into tears again. Scully was about to speak when she heard the twins so she quickly took herself out of the awkward situation by running upstairs. She was so quick she nearly missed a step on her way up. She walked into the room where her children were and Ellie looked up at her mother wide-eyed. Her and little Will were wearing boy and girl’s version of matching onesies with little grey aliens on. Seeing that took her to resolve away and burst into tears. Both children looked at their mother with confusion.
When Scully managed to calm her emotions, she picked both kids out of the cribs and placed them on their rainbow rug in the middle of the room. Both children instantly felt their mother was upset and moved to Scully, engulfing her in baby hugs and love.
Maggie and Missy had climbed the stairs silently behind her, and stood outside the slightly open door to observe her. They both listened to the conversation Scully had with her kids.
"I met your dad yesterday, you know? I've missed him so much." Scully looked away but she could tell they were both listening, "I told him about you and things didn't go according to plan”.
"Da Da," Ellie uttered innocently.
"Yes, Ellie. I saw Da Da. And I did something very naughty."
Missy and Maggie were still eavesdropping on the conversation, trying not to move too much or make too much noise.
"Yes sweetheart. Mommy let daddy kiss her, and Mommy enjoyed it."
Maggie and Missy were physically taken back by what Scully had said. It was evident when they both took a sharp intake of breath.
"Mommy enjoyed the kiss a little too much, but then she got scared and hurt Daddy. Then Mommy said something she regretted and then run away.”
Scully looked at her children who were now invested in playing with their toy blocks and she whispered.
"All I ever wanted was for Mulder to be a father to you," Scully looked at Ellie who was showing her a nice tower. Suddenly she turned around to face the door "Mom, Missy you can come in now."
"Neither of you could get jobs as ninjas," Scully said smiling at them.
Even though she hadn’t spoken directly to her sister and mother, a small weight had been lifted off her chest. Missy picked up Will and Scully grabbed Ellie and they took the children downstairs for breakfast. As Scully was walking down the stairs she thought about Mulder and how she needed to fix the situation; not only for her but for the two little bundles of joy they had created.
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Mulder woke up alone in his dingy apartment. He could vaguely remember The Gunmen picking him up and driving him home after the third beer and the fifth shot. He was cold and slightly sticky. The sun was out and shining directly at him. He brought his hands up to eyes, rubbing in small circles. His head felt like someone had taken a jackhammer to it.
Mulder sat up on the sofa, feeling groggy and dizzy. All the memories of what happened between him and Scully started coming back to him; of how she had lied to him for so long, the fact that he was a father to not one child, but two. He stood up, feeling nauseous, and quickly made his way to the bathroom, tripping over empty alcohol bottles and a few empty food containers. It was possible he also slipped on some x-files folders on the floor. He managed to lift the toilet seat up before emptying his stomach contents into the bowl.
After he had finished, he realised it was mostly liquid of a funky colour. He stripped off his clothes and threw them in the general direction of the wash hamper, missing by miles. Then he turned on the shower on the hottest setting his body could take, and waited a few minutes to step in and wash the filth and grime away from last night's endeavours.
The water hit his face with a welcome sting as his mind wandered to the kiss from the previous night, so full of passion and longing. He knew he shouldn’t have kissed her, but it was a spur of the moment. Mulder had missed her so much. It was definitely more an impulse than anything. He had to admit that he had enjoyed the feeling of her lips against his and swore he had heard her moan. Or maybe that was him.
As the water was hitting his face his hand had a mind of its own and it worked its way down to his cock which was now standing to attention. This happened whenever he thought about Scully. Once he realised what he was doing, he felt dirty and ashamed, but he didn't want to stop thinking about her. So, instead of stopping, he put one hand on the tiled wall in front of him and placed his head next to it, slightly bending over and wrapping his other hand around his girth and started pumping slowly.
His mind was filled with images of her.
Scully and her perfectly round and perky breasts and the perfect little pink nipples. When he saw her the day before he couldn't help but check her breasts out. They were bigger and fuller than he remembered. What he wouldn’t give to kiss and lick them, to make her squirm in pleasure. He would start by kissing her lips and working his way to her neck, then across her clavicle, leaving little bites and small red blotches in his wake. Seeing her naked was amazing, so delicate, so petite... but he knew she could knock you out with one punch.
His hand was working faster now pumping hard and uncontrolled as he thought about the apex in between her legs. Her smell would drive him insane but her taste would drive him mad! She tasted of strawberries and cream with hints of chocolate mixed in. He loved to give her that much pleasure and she would cry and beg for him as he brought her on the brink of orgasm. He would then stop, he’d do it over and over again. He would use his fingers and his tongue, swirling and flicking. Finally he would let her have her way, he would let her climax happen. Hearing his name would send him into his own climax.
His fluid squirted out of him hitting the shower wall, mixing with the running water and going down the drain.
Mulder cleaned himself off quickly, washing his body and hair before turning off the shower. He stepped out, wrapping a towel around his waist just as the phone decided to ring. He walked briskly through the bedroom and into the living room, and picked up the phone before it stopped ringing.
"Scully?" His voice was barely a whisper as his mind was running away from itself.
"Scully?" (It can’t possibly be her, can it?)
"Mulder... I've been thinking about last night."
Oh, God. She’s going to tell me some bad news. She was serious about last night and she’s running away again... I can't handle this.
“What about last night?" He was hoping he sounded calm and collected because he was anything but.
"It was wrong of me to… Well, I'm sorry about a lot of things over the past 15 months... I want you to meet them and... I'm positive they want to meet you, too."
Oh God. Is she actually saying this? Is she actually letting me see my children? Is this just a good dream?
"No, Mulder. This is not a dream."
Wait! Did I say that out loud? I don't think so. Damn, she can still tell what I am thinking even with being apart so long...
"Say you come around my mom’s about 1 PM tomorrow afternoon?"
"Yes, of course. I will be there. Thank you, Scully."
Mulder was still clutching the phone next to his semi-dried hair. His heart was beating ten to the dozen, thumping so hard he felt like it was going to jump out of his chest. His stomach was doing flip flops. The reality was not quite sinking in. He was really going to meet his children. But first things first: he needed to clean himself up and do some things around the apartment.
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Scully had woken up early today. Her nerves were on edge and she wasn't able to sleep much. She knew her mom thought it was a good thing seeing Fox again, but she wasn't so sure. She knew Mulder seeing his kids would be amazing, she was just scared.
Maggie could hear the restlessness of her daughter from across the hall. She was happy to see Fox again, it had been so long. She did get worried about him. She knew that he would make an amazing father towards her grandchildren. Maybe eventually make a great son-in-law. She was just hoping that, even after everything, Dana and Fox could rekindle their relationship.
Melissa, on the other hand, had her doubts about Mulder coming around. His temper towards her had surprised her and caught her off guard. What also surprised her was how much anger he had built up inside of him and she was scared that he would take it on Dana. But she was conflicted because she really wanted to him to see his kids. Melissa was so frustrated by the situation and didn't want to say something she would regret that she decided she was going out to meet up with some friends and the local art museum.
The hours passed and Mulder and Scully got more and more anxious as time went on. Soon the clock struck twelve, Missy was already out for the day and Scully had put both kids in highchairs, ready for some dinner. There was a knock at the door.
"I'll get it," she heard her mom say from the other room.
Maggie opened the front door to find a very sheepish and very nervous Fox Mulder.
Mulder looked at the older women with an apologetic look
"Hello, Mrs Scully. If I am too early, I can come back later..."
"Don't worry about it, I can't have you driving around the block for another half hour, can I?" Maggie smiled up at him and gestured for him to come in. When he did, so she closed the door behind him. "Dana and the kids are in the kitchen. She is in the middle of feeding them." She was so warm and welcoming towards him after so long... He wasn't expecting it but welcomed it a lot.
"What have I told you about that? Please, call me Maggie."
He nodded and walked towards the kitchen. Mulder rounded the corner through the living room and towards the kitchen but what he saw kept him in his spot at the doorway.
Scully was sitting at a small round wooden table. She was facing away from him but her hair caught the sun shimmering red, orange and yellow like a sunset. Sat next to her there were two highchairs: a little girl to her right with her deep chestnut hair in a ponytail, wearing a black dress with an orange fox on it. She wore a small yellow bib stopping the food from ruining her clothes. To Scully’s left there was a little boy, every bit a spitting image of his mother, with deep red hair and piercing blue eyes. He was wearing some deep blue baby jeans and a baby version of a polo shirt with little socks peeking out from the table with small grey aliens on. Mulder smiled upon the sight in front of him. Both babies were splashing their food and Scully was trying to stop them and feed them at the same time.
Maggie watched Mulder as the happiness was evident on his face but he still hadn't moved. There was something else she detected, fear maybe. She gave him a slight nudge forward and it caught him off guard. He stumbled not so gracefully into the kitchen. Both children looked up at him.
"Da Da," they yelled in sync.
Mulder smiled at the two infants and answered "yes" as tears started to fall down his face. Not out of sadness, oh no. They were full of pure joy.
Scully looked up at him and could see the joy and amazement on his face. She smiled.
"You're early," she said teasing
Maggie was watching the exchange from the doorway.
"It doesn't matter. Let me introduce you to the family," Scully said with a smile. “This little boy covered in apple pie is called William, Will for short, Jeremiah Mulder" Scully got the wet tissue from the table and wiped the sticky mess off the little boy’s fingers and face. Once she finished she turned her attention to the little girl. "This little maddam’s name is Ellissa, Ellie for short, Claire Mulder."
"You gave them my last name." It was a statement but also a shock.
"Yes." The reply was short but their eyes locked and spoke a thousand words, and a silent thank you was said. "Will you help me get Ellie out of the highchair, please? And we can take them through to the living room."
Maggie had gone upstairs to leave the two parents to get reacquainted.
Mulder looked at her scared, not having a clue how to unclip this young child from the highchair. Or better yet, not even knowing how to hold a nearly seven month old. Scully looked at him and smiled, suddenly understanding his worries. She showed him how to unclip and how to hold Ellie before proceeding to the living room.
Mulder picked Ellie and she instantly wrapped her little legs around him and her arms around his neck and snuggled her head into the crock of his neck and shoulder. He could feel the warmth coming of this tiny human he was carrying, thinking of how quickly both children had taken to him almost upon seeing him. He was amazed at how much they loved him and how much he loved them in return.
Scully placed Will down on the rug behind the sofa removing any sharp object so that the twins wouldn’t hurt themselves. She placed their favourite teething toys and some block in front of him. Mulder went to place Ellie down on the rug next to her brother but she would not let go of him. Every time he tried she looked like she was about to cry. So, he tried a different approach: he lay down next to Will, stretching his long legs, and placed Ellie on his lap so she could stay with him but also play with Will.
"They seem advanced for their age," Mulder said, looking at Scully who was looking straight back at him.
"Yes, they are. They get it from you."
Mulder smiled at her. It was a sweet but also bitter, and they both knew it. "They're amazing children, a true reflection of their mother." And this time it was Scully’s turn to smile. Mulder had truly meant what he had said.
An hour later William had started fussing and was getting grumpy, no longer playing with any of the toys in front of him. Scully instantly knew what he wanted, Mulder was none the wiser.
"Mulder, I'll be right back."
Scully picked up William and took him into the kitchen, leaving Ellie and Mulder playing and laughing. Mulder tried making funny noises and faces to make her smile. Scully always knew he was good with kids, but seeing him with his own was a completely different story.
Twenty minutes had passed and this time Ellie was the one starting to squirm. Mulder tried everything to calm her down and nothing was working. She started crying and his heart broke: he didn't know how to stop her. She wrapped herself around his little finger and heart. He picked her up and wondered where Scully was, so he went to find her.
Mulder went through the hallway, and into the kitchen. When he got to the doorway he instantly went shy and slightly guilty: he saw William attached to Scully's breast.
"Oh! I’m sorry! I can come back..." He was bright red and turned shyly to go back into the living room.
Scully looked up and she felt bad for him turning away and going back the way he came. "It’s ok, don’t apologize. I could have told you what I was doing. I guess she started getting thirsty too." She turned and looked upon Ellie hugging Mulder’s side and then looked down and William upon her breast. "This one took longer than normal." She ended her sentence with a small smile.
Mulder sat down opposite her just as William was finishing up. Scully placed her breast back into her nursing bra and clasped it back up. Ellie knew what was coming and moved her hands to her mother and Mulder took that as a sign to swap children with Scully. Mulder watched as Scully did the same thing but backwards to attach Ellie to her breast. He watched, transfixed on the scene. He had so many questions. One blurted out before his mind had time to catch up.
She looked at him seeing awe in his eyes. He was blushing when he realised what he had said. "No it doesn't. He did at first, but we are pros at it now. The one thing that does hurt is pumping into bottles so Melissa can feed them."
"You… It looks beautiful."
"Thank you, Mulder. That’s very sweet of you to say."
Mulder gave her his full boyish smile and kept William entertained while secretly stealing glances at Scully.
Several hours passed, full of laughter and joy. Mulder helped Scully fed the twins, which turned out to be a lot messier than either adults intended. It was spaghetti which ended up not only on Mulder but the floor, table, chairs and both children including hair and clothes.
Melissa came back about three. Maggie had told her to leave Mulder and Scully alone but she wasn’t happy about it. She went right into the kitchen. But she stopped her initial plan when she saw him interact with his children and with her sister. It looked as if no time had passed between them. She did have to admit to herself that Mulder looked like an amazing dad and they looked amazing together.
Mulder helped Scully bath the kids, they played with ducks and boats and loads of bubbles. Mulder pretended to be a man with a massive beard which sent both kids into fits of giggles. His top ended up soaking wet –but it was well worth it. After the kids had finished their bath Mulder dried and changed Will and Ellie into their pyjamas, and into their cribs. He was going to read them a story but before he had a chance both kids were out like a light. So he turned on the night lights, and their spinning lullabies. Those especially made him smile when he noticed they were mini ufos and small grey aliens dancing in a circle. He stood there a few moments watching his children sleep and how peaceful they looked so quiet and so lovable. He could sit there for hours. It was pure and magic. He turned on the baby monitor before leaving the room and he left the door slightly ajar, just in case.
He slowly walked down the stairs. Seeing all three Scully women talking amongst themselves he felt like an outsider. He didn’t want to outstay his welcome, so he went into the living room with the intention of saying goodbye and grabbing his jacket.
"I really should get going."
"Nonsense!” Maggie exclaimed getting up. “Your top is dripping all over the floor. Dana will help you find one of Bill’s old tops and I will take care of this one."
"There really is no need for that, Maggie." She gave him the infamous Scully look that said do as you’re told and he did. "Thank you."
Scully sent her mother a sharp look of dissatisfaction. She knew what her mother was trying to do, and she didn’t like her to to play matchmaker. "I’m sure I can find something for you to wear. Follow me."
Maggie smiled at her daughter before she left the room. Mulder was close on Scully’s heel, she lead him upstairs and instead of going into the spare bedroom where Bill would normally stay, she lead him into her own bedroom. He got slightly uncomfortable since he hadn’t been alone with scully in a long time. He watched her search through her chest of drawers looking for something. He didn’t know what to say or what to do. He loved this woman so much but she had hurt him so much at the same time. His head and heart were in such a terminal. So, he stood there at the door, looking at her bedroom while she shuffled from side to side. Scully suddenly stopped as she had found what she had been looking for. She walked back to him with what looked like his knicks t-shirt.
"Oh, my. Scully, is this one of mine?" He tried to play it smooth but it came out cheesy and slightly flirtatious.
"Yes, Mulder. It is one of your tops. Probably from when you had dinner at my Mom’s when…" She trailed off her sentence, she didn’t want to ruin a good day with sad memories.
Scully turned around to give him some privacy. Also she felt the temptation there: to touch him, to feel his toned abs, to feel him tense and relax. It didn’t help that out the corner of her eye there was a full standing mirror, where she could see everything. It was like watching a strip tease in slow motion. Standing there she let her mind wonder and her fantasy overrun her brain. Touching him, feeling him, nibbling and kissing him, scratching her nails down his back... She had to stop thinking like this, they could never be together. It had been a fling that ended badly. Yes, they got something great out if it: two beautiful children. Mulder would never forgive her, though, she knew this in her mind. But her heart still held hope. He had finished changing and told her that she could turn around.
"I really should get going Scully, it’s getting late." He sounded disappointed
"Ok." She sounded disappointed, too. She didn’t want him to go. but she knew he had to. Today had been nice, Mulder spending time with their children and with her. She walked to the door grabbing his coat on the way.
"Thank you for today,” he said on the way out. “I really appreciate the chance you gave me at meeting William and Elissa." Things became suddenly tense and strained, neither knowing how to say bye.
"Thank you for coming. They seemed to really enjoy your company."
"Well. I certainly enjoyed it. They’re amazing children." There was a short pause before he spoke his next words. "I... enjoyed spending time with their mother, as well."
"Mulder please don’t–." She sounded sad, he picked up on it.
"I’m sorry," he quickly changed the subject. "Can I visit them again?"
"Yes , we can arrange a date and time tomorrow over the phone."
"Thank you again. For everything. I really mean it."
She could tell so. His deep hazel eyes spoke volumes, so full of truth and meaning. She really wanted to kiss him right then and there and to forget about the worries. Thing was, she knew he would kiss her right back. But would they be doing it for the right reasons?
"Bye, Dana." He turned and walked towards the car. He took a quick glance up at the sky. It was dark but clear and the stars were shining upon him.
When she saw he reached his car and got in driving away, she closed the door. Standing in an empty hallway she whispered "Bye, Fox."
