#mrsbauman

If you are following along with me then you are aware of this “Mrs. Bauman” character I speak of. Let me briefly describe Mrs. Bauman. She was short with a Quasimodo hump. She has orangey-yellow very short frizzy hair and that damn drippy eye.  As the school year of second grade came to a close, I was excited to get that in the past and make way for third grade. Third grade was going to be great. Mrs. Santillo was one of the best teachers in the school. She was nice and her assignments were fun. In third grade I found myself doing my homework in the cafeteria in the morning before school. I always got good grades and was never complained about so when my mother wasn’t checking to see if I did my homework at night. I figured “Eh I’ll do my homework in the morning” like a bunch of other kids. On a dreadful day in ’92 I got to school late and couldn’t get my homework done. Mrs. Santillo was cool so I thought maybe if I asked, I could do the homework during lunch and hand it in at the end of the school day. When I walked through the door and saw Mrs. Bauman sitting at the desk my world changed. My legs almost gave out, I started to sweat, I couldn’t breathe, and I got dizzy. Ok well none of that stuff actually happened except I was in pure shock and I instantly thought; nurses office, sick, home. That was going to be my plan. This was the twilight zone; she couldn’t be here could she?! I mean she retired last year. Did she come back to haunt me?! Well everyone took their seats and she instantly was collecting homework. I didn’t have my homework done and tried to come up with an excuse. It had taken me a couple years to actually possess my quick wit. So when Mrs. Bauman came around I may have stuttered an excuse and she once again wiped that drippy eye and started yelling at me. She subbed another day or two that year. After that I no longer had Mrs. Bauman as a teacher but she still haunts my dreams.

One cold day back in 92’ my mother dressed me in, what I’m sure she thought was so damn adorable; a sweater with a kitten on the front. But this kitten was no regular old kitten as half the kitten actually popped off the front of my sweater. I’m sorry if your mother dressed you in one of these as well. So as part of my class sat down in the front of the room for reading time, I would look down at my book but could only focus on the kitten that was literally jumping off my sweater. Each child read aloud and when it was my turn I had no idea where my classmate left off reading and where I was to start. Mrs. Bauman and her runny eye decided this was unacceptable and she just screamed. Now I can honestly say of all my years in school, second grade was the worst. Mrs. Bauman scared the living shit out of me. It’s just my luck that she decided she was going to retire at the end of my school year in her class. I mean she couldn’t retire the year before?! WTF?! Why? Why?! And then she came back as a substitute?! Well that’s another story for another time. So after she was done screaming at me, I excused myself and went to the bathroom. I spent the rest of the year every day after lunch in the bathroom for however long I could spare. I would sit by the window and look outside praying to see my mother drive by so she could save me from the ever haunting Mrs. Bauman and the kitten sweater.