#mpbwrites

Reminiscing your childhood is like thinking about the bittersweet memory of a first love. It is the type of closure that almost none of us has seem to move on from. It is the kind of “goodbye” that we never saw coming— and one that we were never ready to let go of.

Have you tried to wonder if the moon is ever jealous of the sun? Most people prefer to always cry their hearts out during the night and just sleep throughout the day. The moon has always been present to all our sufferings, it witnesses a lot of ugly tears, it listens when nobody is there to listen but most especially, it comforts the broken ones. When we wake up the next morning, we thank the sun for shining on us again and for giving us another day. But we always forget to thank the moon for keeping us company during our sunless hours. 

And the thing is, it’s just as worse as being remembered by people only when it is convenient for them.

The worst kind of hurting is the one that comes with silence. It’s in those moments where you drown yourself in the total nothingness of the atmosphere, where you find yourself passing beyond your usual breaking point, where words become useless and quietness becomes defeaning. It is an inexplicable type of pain that isolates your mind, body, and soul from the rest of the world.

I have been living in fear of explosive outbursts for as long as I can remember and it’s all because of you. It always feels like walking on a path of thin ice and my feet are just as fragile as the surface that I am stepping upon. It's so hard to understand where you’re coming from especially when your perspective is made up of blind rage. I am sorry if I am running out of ways to let this pass but I hope you also realize that I can only do and take so much.

There are days when all I can think about is packing my bags, leaving this place, and running away from literally everything. I’d like to taste the idea of being far away and never coming back. I’d like to know how it’s like to be lost in a small town where nobody knows even the slightest hint of my identity. I want to see how my life would be without anyone telling me how it should be done.

It’s not really about who you have known the longest. Sometimes, you meet people for the first time and you’ll know right at the moment that they’ll be worth keeping for a lifetime. Remember, a withered plant has known sunlight for too long but it was the sudden shower of rain that brought it back to life.

You think everyone has the same heart as yours. 

You give every piece of yourself hoping they would do the same for you. 

But they didn’t. They won’t. 

So, you promise yourself that you will no longer be the same person as you were yesterday. 

Until you see that one person again and all you could ever do is watch every single wall you have built as they slowly crumble right in front of your eyes. 

I think it’s sad when people always expect the person they love to return the same amount of energy they give. It is in times like this when loving becomes more of an obligation rather than a choice. We could dare ourselves to break some bones, carry the weight of the world, cross multiple bridges, go for a swim in the deepest ocean, or fall from the highest cliff and we could still be rejected regardless of our willingness to do almost anything for that one person. Truth is, it’s no longer about measuring how far could you go nor how much could you give, but it all boils down to how they would want to accept the love that you offer. Unconditional love should require no validation, you simply give what you think is best for that person. But just because you’re giving your best shot doesn’t mean you’re already fulfilling their needs, because the heart wants what it wants. You can’t just decide to stop loving them immediately and they can’t just decide to open their heart to you in a snap, either. You cannot force the sun to set in the east the same as you cannot drill love into the wrong hands.