#mountaindwarfcooking

Lo that the fire season is upon us. I shall teach you the Dwarven art of kettle smoking. First arrange thine coals on either side of a pan of water. This is to prepare the steam/smoke torture chamber. Once the chamber is hot, add one foe righteously slain in one on one combat covered with your poultry rub of choice. WAIT 3 HOURS WHILE IT’S PAIN ECHOES THROUGH THE UNDERWORLD. Remove it from the chamber, wrap in sheet metal and wait 10 minutes. Be sure to stoke the coals as necessary to maintain proper torture levels. #mountaindwarfcooking #BBQ #Smoke https://www.instagram.com/p/CfmFWcNLjfM/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

LET US PREPARE A MEAL FIT FOR A FAMILY OF HUNGRY TROLLSLAYERS!!!! First, was the sin off of your rice and lock it in the “cooker” to torture them until they become soft from abuse. You shall then soak cut tofu cut, made from soy bean, in the blood of it’s kin, soy sauce mixed with vinegar so that the wounds sting more. We then coat it in powdered corn, smashed by the hands of a powerful golem and fry it in our cast iron self defense weapon. Remove from the defense weapon for your next victim awaits. We then assemble chopped peppers, tear orbs, spike fruit from the isles and snow man noses to sauté til golden brown. Combine sugar, the paste of a tomato, the blood of soybeans and more vinegar with cornstarch. BOIL IT LIKE THE MOLTEN METAL THAT FLOWS THROUGH THE HEART OF THE MOUNTAIN! Add your victims to this magma and serve over the softened bodies of your rice.#cooking #mountaindwarfcooking https://www.instagram.com/p/CemqCWZlyVw/?igshid=NGJjMDIxMWI=

Time to start making Mountain Dwarf Sourdough. Disclaimer: It’s only mountain Dwarf Sourdough if made by a Mountain Dwarf near mountains. Sort of like rare liquors. #mountaindwarfcooking https://www.instagram.com/p/CHF-djDFbA1/?igshid=17ldcyd3e7kjs

At this point you have diced and boiled and let dry the potats. From here it is simple, melt the congealed milk fats and the blood of some avocados/olives in your hotbox on some sheet metal. Add the potats and salt, ROAST THEM FOR ONE HOUR STIRRING ONCE! At this point they are finished, you may add other seasoning as desired. THEY SHALL CRUNCH LIKE THE BONES IF YOUR ENEMIES BENEATH YOUR FEET! FEAST!!! #cooking #mountaindwarfcooking https://www.instagram.com/p/CGGvPm0lCXV/?igshid=e3zo84mcg7jq

Spread your pizza dough into a pan and let it rise. Split thine pizza into thirds. Place the sliced demons of japan on one side, prepared with pepper. Then, allow your family to perform whatever abominations they desire to the other. Bake for a bit, remove and then cover liberally with cheese. Bake again, and FEAST! #cooking #mountaindwarfcooking https://www.instagram.com/p/CFa5jYdFshQ/?igshid=1b6ycd1g5yi14

Time to make some leaven for bread tomorrow, and the cast off is gonna make some sourdough pizza crust for tonight! #baking #mountaindwarfcooking https://www.instagram.com/p/CFaNBp2l6GV/?igshid=1dknwyafh1fok

IT’S TIME FOR SOME SPAGHETTI GOD DYAM CARBONERA!!!!! Woooooooo! First, slaughter a pig and turn it into bacon, this is important don’t forget the bacon. Beside this mince your vampire repellant and begin frying ze bacon. While that happens make your Italian food strings, save some water from the food strings for later. Combine some chicken orbs, some cheese from Parmesan, salt and pepper. Throw the garlic in with the bacon once the bacon is nice and crispaayyy. Then, ADD EVERYTHING TOGETHER TO THE BACON AND MIX FURIOUSLY TO CREATE THE DISH!!!!!!?! Add some pasta water if you want the sauciness thinner. Garnish with parsley because green is my favorite color and serve with fresh baked sourdough! #cooking #pasta #mountaindwarfcooking https://www.instagram.com/p/CDxYPAElBmu/?igshid=4o69snznw5uj

We place the dough I preheated Dutch ovens, the better to seal in their steamy screams. REMOVE THE LID AND INCREASE TEMPERATURE TO FINISH!!!! And now we have delicious sourdough, mwahahhaahahhahaaaaa #baking #mountaindwarfcooking https://www.instagram.com/p/CDwJrNPFlyV/?igshid=111sx6fjvksar