#motivation...?

I’ve been going through a tough time recently... there’s some shit going around with my step-sister and her mother and it’s gotten so bad that she won’t give anyone, not even her dad(my step-dad) their address, so he can’t see or even talk to his own kids because she’s cut off all contact. 

“Don’t give out your address!” She says.

“Don’t message your dad or tell him where you are!” She says.

“Give me your phone!” She says. 

So, I finally went to her boyfriend to see if I could get at least some information about where to send a birthday gift to her since it’s next week and I couldn’t even get that. So, she said “Send it to my grandma, she’ll get it and give it to me.” Well, if her grandma doesn’t even know the address, how is she supposed to get her birthday gift? And my mother started jumping down my throat and putting words in my mouth about this whole thing and I feel like my trying to help was just a mistake... and was wrong on my part.

I apologize, I’m ranting... 

But, that’s not entirely what this message was supposed to be about. Yes, I’m going through difficult(mainly stressful and depressing) times, but I’ve also had troubles getting motivated to write.

I’m not saying no one is reading my work, because I know people do, I just... I feel like I’m writing for my own purposes; for my own entertainment. Please don’t take this as me being ungrateful, but... I honestly feel like I am writing the same thing over and over and since I’m not getting any feedback on what people like or don’t like, I don’t know what to change... I need feedback, it’s what keeps me going! 

Now, a few people have reached out to me and told me what they liked or didn’t like... but, I repeat... a few. I believe two people said they found it confusing how I didn’t say “So-and-so’s POV” when I switched perspectives and two or three people said that there wasn’t much of a plot. But that’s it. That’s all I have to work with...

The Perspective thing... the reason I do what I do instead of saying “Mark’s POV” or “Jack’s POV” is because I feel like it breaks down the fourth wall that books, movies, and TV shows are supposed to have; the wall that separates “back-stage” from the viewers/readers. It’s like the author or the director jumps on screen and says, “Hey, this is gonna happen now! Heads up!” I just don’t feel comfortable writing in that way... that wall is supposed to stay up, not be torn down. That’s why I write the way I do. 

And with the whole “no-plot” thing... if I feel like a story of mine doesn’t have much plot to it, I apologize and/or explain my reasoning for writing it in that way. But sometimes, I just cannot seem to get it right. I can’t seem to get a chapter to turn out the way I wanted it to or the way I had planned or the way I had seen it which then results in poor plotting... but I still attempt it and try to finish it anyway. 

Basically what I wanted to say through this message is that I need feedback. I need to know what I’m doing right, what I’m doing wrong, what you guys like, what you don’t like, I need to know those things so I know what to fix and what to keep the same. And I need prompts as well!! I feel like I’ve written everything in one fandom or another! So please, give me your ideas! I don’t want to feel like I’m writing for myself because I love writing, but if I’m writing for my own purpose... I don’t know how else to explain...

PLEASE, leave feedback! PLEASE, leave prompts! They are what keep me going!!

And if any of you have any tips or even advice on getting motivated, please share them with me... I wouldn’t ever want to become one of those blogs where people are excited for updates, but see nothing and start worrying that something’s happened, only to find out I’ve stopped posting... I don’t want that to happen because I love doing this... but I need feedback.