#mostly true

Fair warning, its a long story.

I met Tanya after returning to the city. She’s a well respected kink educator, charming and kind, with a sweetness that belies her sadism. She’s the type of person to invite you to go shopping for a few kitchen items only to discover she will use them to torture you with later. We became fast friends and playmates. 

Tanya knew that I had recently escaped an abusive D/s relationship. Though, not unscathed. I undergone conditioning to dissociate from myself during pain scenes. Any movement or sound was met with harsher punishment. 

As a result, I struggled to stay present and an active participant in scenes. I wanted to connect with my body and with those I played with. After several deep discussions Tanya and I came up with a “treatment plan”

—--------------Fast forward to:-----------------------------

“Sit.” She patted to a spot on the floor across from her.  I nervously knelt in front of her with my head bowed. 

“Look at me sweety.” she cupped my chin and raised it until our eyes met. “There you are.” This was the first time my eyes met Tanya’s since arriving at her home. Her brown eyes beamed as she smiled. 

“Do you remember why you are here?” She asked.

“Yes, Tanya.” I mumbled.  My eyes dropped to the floor. Her hand under my chin kept my head from following. 

“Look at me. That's it. Good girl.” The smile dropped from Tanya’s face. Her voice shed any of the bubbly inflection it previously had.  “Now, I want you to ask for my help.”

“Please Tanya.” I whispered.

“Be more specific. I want to hear you clearly. Do not mumble or whisper. I want to help you. Don’t you want my help?” The last part she cooed at me. 

“Please Tanya, help me to be present and connected with my body. Please help me become a better bottom and submissive.” I said louder with a small shakiness to my voice. 

“Good girl.” Her beaming smile returned. “Of course I’ll help you! I'm glad you asked.” Tanya knew that I melt when called a good girl. What can I say, I’m a slut for praise. 

“I want you to focus,” she said to me in her sweetly firm tone. “That's right. Just listen to the sound of my voice and follow along with my breathing.” She took my hand and placed it upon her chest as she breathed deeply. In. And out. In. And out. I did as I was told and soon my breathing soon matched hers.

The room began to dim and fall out of focus until only the two of us remained. I couldn't break my gaze away from her deep brown eyes. Tanya continued talking. She had a lovely tone and it was nice to listen. 

“Focus.”  With that I snapped back. Still not aware of my surroundings but I could see Tanya clearly.  

“Good girl,” She said. I blushed and a warmness enveloped me. Tanya continued talking and I began to drift again. 

I'm not sure how long this cycle of “focus” and “good girl” went on. 

“Up. Up. Up!” Tanya giggled. One thing Ive learned is that you should ALWAYS be weary of a giggling sadist.  She slid a padded bench from the corner into the middle of the room. “I borrowed this from a friend just for the occasion. Isn't that sweet of me? Now strip” She said with a small smile. I was still a bit groggy but could feel myself blush again.

Fully undressed Tanya gave me the come hither motion and then pointed to the bench. As I climbed on, Tanya positioned a mirror in front of me. Through it I watched as she laid out several canes on a small table. Tanya could see I was getting nervous watching her. She came around in front of me, knelt so we were eye to eye and asked “Shall we begin?” 

I nodded. 

“Alright sweety.” She kissed me on the forehead before returning to the table and selecting the thickest canes.  I felt the tip of the cane slide down my spine, creating shivers in its wake. 

“Head up. I want to see your pretty eyes the whole time.” 

The tap of the cane caused me to inhale sharply. It scared me more than hurt me. Tap. Tap. Tap. WHAP! A line of fire seared across my back thighs. The cane didnt move from its impact. Tanya held it there studying my reaction in the mirror. 

“Breathe,” she said. I let out a slow exhale and felt myself relax a little. “Listen to your breath. I want to you breathe out the pain instead of clenching. Ok?”

“Yes.” I said

WACK! Another hard smack. “Yes…?” She asked. Her head cocked to the side with her eyebrows raised.

“Yes Tanya” I answered. 

“We mustn't forget our manners. Especially to those who hold a cane to your ass”  she said. 

A few more cane strikes and I could feel that familiar pull. I fell quiet and the room began to become fuzzy. 

“Focus.” I heard her say and instantly my eyes blinked wide and open. Aware of myself, the pain across my ass and of Tanya staring at me through the mirror. Scanning my face for signs of distress or harm. 

“Do you want to continue?” She asked? I looked up at her through the mirror, making eye contact and nodded.

“I need you to say it hun” she said sympathetically. 

“I want to continue Tanya. Please continue.” 

The session continued like this. Each time I felt myself slipping away, Tanya would tell me to Focus and it was like I stepped back into my body.  After the 4th time she told me to Focus, she knelt down in front of me. 

“Ok, dear. I think we are done. Your ass has some beautiful welts and you look high as a kite.” Tanya moved over to the couch and patted her lap. “Come lay with me”.

I followed, coming to rest with my head in her lap. She draped a blanket over us and petted me while we watched some TV. “ That was a very good first treatment session,” she said. 

“After we grab some dinner later, do you wanna go to Target with me? I need to get some new kitchen tools…”

I mean like, you aren't wrong? I prob was a teachers pet?

tagged by: @timidstrcngth (tysm!) tagging: @ofstrangevariety @autometanoia / @svatur-nadir @villainmade @rosefromdeath

wasteland baby

When winning

Esfp: having a good time / joking around

Isfj: seems like they could care less / but gives off a subtle “finally!” vibe

Intp: evil grin

When losing

Esfp: oddly quiet / passive aggressive breathing

Isfj: “stop taking my cards” / focused