may be unpleasant to read if you're a russian follower. personal stuff, not political
after months and months of processing trauma, i think i have found out what pisses me off most in the aftermath. it's the label of being inconvenient to others around. first you're expected to keep silent about being thrown under the bus, because ??? idk why? to make the perpetrators less uncomfortable that they pushed you under that bus? then they get mad that you don't stay silent, which is inconvenient, and then people around you in the same space start to blame you for still being traumatized and still not shutting up cuz well. you're inconvenient in reminding them that their dear friends can be assholes and it's unpleasant to see, i guess? you are inconvenient to everyone because you exist and you hurt, why don't you just disappear and stop being a petty reminder?
i did. i quit posting at and checking out russian fandom space because each and every person i meet might already, without my input, see me as inconvenience and there's nothing i can do! im a loner, i do not have a loud group behind me diligently supporting and catching me when i fall. so even outside russian fandom space, i cannot be completely neutral towards russian-speaking artists out there cuz the world is small and you will, no matter what you do, meet someone who blames you for your trauma. theres just a few people i know personally who have proven me wrong, the rest are potential threat
i wouldn't blame you for getting mad at me for these words, like "hurrr not all russians are the same i dont even personally know you or your offenders dude". it's fine! don't go finding out then. i never wanted much to be perceived as a person on art accounts, more like a vague spirit spitting out pics, and nowadays i don't want to be perceived as someone human even more so