#moriogai

ah , yes , of course ! i’m not great with writing as mori , so if i’m a little off with his character , forgive me ^^’

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you were never really the type to let anyone know if anything bothered you . you always kept it to yourself , thinking of ways to resolve the problems and move on  

although , you couldn’t resolve this one . not on your own , anyways . everyday was torturous . nicknames , cruel words , threats , punches . they made your life a living hell . if a ‘ living hell ‘ is a proper way to describe this . 

they actually never hurt you that badly , they stung a little bit , but you shrugged it off , thinking ‘ they’re jealous of me ‘ to yourself before continuing on with your day . however , mostly , it wasn’t that easy to do so . 

you came home one day after a particularly bad beating . you had a few bruises and a few scratches , a chunk of your hair was gone as one of them cut it off , and you were a mess in general . 

mori was tending to elise . she was whining about one of her crayons going missing , a dark red one . you knew she favored that one a lot , for whatever reason . maybe it was because it resembled blood in a way or some such . you placed your things down and ran to your room , sorta trying to hide yourself before you were seen . 

“ y/n , you look a mess . “ mori’s voice . the last person you wanted to see at this moment . you flinched and bit your lip , hunching your shoulders before turning around . behind him , elise was standing , holding a red crayon . you squinted and realised that was your crayon , but you had more important things to deal with than a crayon . 

“ i uh .. i wanted a new look . “ you lied , plastering a smile onto your face . of course , it was fake .“ with scratches and bruises ? i understand the hair thing , but what’s with the injuries ? “rats . you couldn’t get out of this one . 

you sighed quietly and pulled your hood over your head . “ i wanted a new style . are bruises and scratches not a fashion trend ? ““ not that i’m aware of - ““ what would you know about fashion anyways ? ““ nothing , but i know for a fact injuries are not a fashion trend ““ look , i’m fine . “ you said calmly . 

mori sighed and decided to deal with elise again . elise had decided to act up for some reason , once again , and this time , you didn’t know why . 

you looked in the mirror and patched up your injuries , and then slowly took the scissors to your hair , jumping when you heard mori behind you “ y/n . don’t . ““ why not ? i’m fine , i don’t mind looking like a fool ! ““ you know you can tell me anything , right ? ““ i know . i can deal with this myself . ““ what happened ? please tell me . “

you stayed quiet . you knew deep down that if you told someone , it would be slightly easier for you to deal with , but another part of you knew how when you dealt with things alone , they increasingly got easier . 

you gave in and sighed , looking down . “ fine . i’m getting bullied . ““ oh ? by who ? ““ just a group of kids . “he stayed silent and just hugged you . “ i’ll deal with them , don’t worry . “you chuckled quietly “ don’t do anything rash , okay ? ““ i’ll try . “

..... I almost ship everyone, have new 3 waifus, one old awesome gramp and become a pervert for Chuuya's thighs.

Vita Sexualis

Penulis : Mori Ogai

Goodreads Rating : 3.36/5

Aku memilih untuk membaca buku ini karena mengingat karakter Mori Ogai si pemimpin Port Mafia dari anime Bungou Stray Dogs yang sudah kutonton. Membuatku penasaran, seperti apa karya dari orang yang karakternya dijadikan pimpinan di anime tersebut.

Buku ini menceritakan Kanai Shuzuka seorang profesor filsafat yang alih alih membuat tulisan filsafat sesuai keahliannya, justru memilih untuk menuliskan semacam otobigorafi tentang kehidupannya yang berkaitan dengan hasrat seksual yang dialami sejak kecil hingga ia dewasa. Ini ia lakukan karena ia merasa hasrat seksualnya berbeda dengan orang kebanyakan dan mempengaruhi kehidupannya, juga karena ia tak ingin menulis hal yang biasa ditulis oleh penulis lainnya. Ia juga berharap karyanya dapat dibaca dan diwariskan kepada keturunannya untuk lebih memahami dirinya.

Buku ini pernah dilarang beredar karena dianggap erotis dan memberi kesan buruk. Setelah membacanya aku tidak mengerti kenapa demikian. Cerita ini cukup ringan dan sangat mudah diikuti, dan aku tidak merasakan ada unsur vulgar atau erotis sama sekali dalam ceritanya. Kanai menceritakan pengalamannya seperti melihat buku dengan gambar aneh waktu masa kecilnya, mempunyai teman wanita, bertamu ke bar yang terdapat geisha, dan lainnya yang tidak ada sesuatu vulgar yang diceritakan. Kesimpulanku satu: pergeseran standar kesan erotis sejak zaman itu dan masa kini yang sudah berbeda.

Selain itu juga mungkin karena terdapat hal “amoral” yang terjadi pada Kanai semasa ia bersekolah di asrama, yaitu teman teman lelakinya yang melakukan pelecehan seksual kepada siswa siswa laki-laki lain yang dianggap lemah atau tampan di asrama tersebut dan perbuatan tersebut dianggap sebagai kenakalan remaja pada umumnya.

Secara keseluruhan, buku ini menarik untuk bacaan ringan tetapi sejujurnya tidak memberikan kesan mendalam untukku. Mungkin juga karena ekspektasiku untuk sastra jepang dari penulis ternama sungguh tinggi sebagaimana karya sasta jepang lama yang telah kubaca lainnya.