ARIES:  “No? Then what does Tony do to Bernardo in West Side Story? I'll tell you. He knifes him.”

TAURUS: “That’s not very classy.”

GEMINI: “You just get used to having cold feet that ain’t magenta!”

CANCER: “No. No, nobody’s gonna love me.”

LEO: “You don’t go Jessica Simpson when you got Rihanna.”

VIRGO:  “Maybe I’ll Pinterest. I hear that’s a thing.”

LIBRA: “Don’t look so bummed, it’ll give you wrinkles.”

SCORPIO: “Yeah, sometimes I feel like you’re trying to climb inside my womb.”

SAGITTARIUS: “People always forget to remember… I’m tricksy.”

CAPRICORN: “It’s like the less time you got, the slower it goes.”

AQUARIUS: "Hey, did you ever see that movie - the one where there's the cowboy and he's, like, the king of the castle? And then this astronaut shows up and he tries to take over, so the cowboy attempts to murder him, but, instead, the astronaut is taken hostage by, like, this evil psychopath and the cowboy has to rescue him and then they end up becoming really good friends?"