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hello liz!! happy wincest wednesday!! can you do a director's commentary on the constant vow? like what inspired it, how the story changed along the way, what you had to leave out, stuff like that?
helloooooo happy wincest wednesday, and we shall all politely ignore how many wednesdays ago this was sent [ 😓 ]. To slightly fuck up my most-quoted line from the West Wing: let's forget about the fact that I'm late to the party, and embrace the fact that I showed up at all!
Tricky q, though! It's a lot of just like... sheer volume of fic to comment on, haha. But I'll use your questions as a starting-off guide, and given that it is wincest wednesday (wincest week, wincest life), I'll keep that in mind. So --
what inspired it?
What inspired it was how I was reading like every single genderswap/sex curse/etc etc fic that had been written in fandom at the time -- the time being roughly when s8/9 was airing, so... like ten years ago, lol -- and noticing a trend, and also getting kind of increasingly annoyed at that trend. To wit: isn't Dean Winchester just the most terrible womanizing horndog, and doesn't he just really need to be narratively punished for his Crimes? The answer to both is... uh, no. Not at all. So: a fic, haha.
Fandom takes Dean's whole womanizing naughty boy thing as received wisdom a lot of the time and I find it completely bewildering. It's subverted in episode 2 (if you didn't notice it was a total act in episode 1). Like... hello. Use your eyes and ears, friends. But what's more interesting to me on that level is that Sam takes it as received wisdom, and while it's also tempting to ask Sam to use his eyes and ears it's a lot more excusable for him to be confused about that whole... thing. Dean performs it very well in public -- and tbf, he does fuck! Not like he's not getting tail -- but womanizer is a very particular kind of pejorative and one I pretty roundly reject (for interesting and good reasons I'm right about that I've gone into elsewhere). But so many of those fics had both the flawed womanizer assumption at the heart and also a Sam who tended to buy it, even if justice was asserted by the end, and it was just driving me slightly nuts, lol. And because the only reason I ever write a fic is because I want to read the one I actually want, it went on the list. To be very eventually written, haha.
(more babbling below the cut)
how the story changed along the way
Things I always knew: I wanted the witch to be stupid/bad at magic, because I was also getting tired of Oh So Wise Arch Bitch Witches who somehow manage to laser-focus a punishment spell. (Can you guess that I found Rowena tiresome, lol.) I always knew I wanted it to be a reset every day for a month for the iterative game of 'there's no getting away from this, we have to keep having sex, and how will the relationship evolve as we do?' I always knew I wanted it to be a True Love game, a) because it's a classic of the genre but also b) because it'd be fun to see them circling that inevitable conclusion, especially given that c) I wanted Bobby to have to try. Just to be mean to Dean, basically. :)
That said: in the ten years of contemplation I really went back and forth on the setting being s2 or s7. I knew all along that I wanted it to be true first time, i.e. neither of them had any secretly pining wincest wants (beyond what's true of their codependency in canon), and for it to be a slow coming together over the course of the curse. s2 first time is one of my favorites because of the seismic effect John's loss has on their relationship; s7 is one of my favorites because of the weird sense of true freedom they've got, when Sam's mind is back in place and he's all whole and he's still standing right next to Dean, exactly where he wants to be. (Gah!) But what I realized is that s2 was just... too early. They're babies, still untested. If the story's about True Love then... I'm just not interested in their early-seasons True Love, frankly. It's nice, it's intense, but it lacks the tempering of real tests that'll come in s4/5/6. There's a reason I'm a mid-seasons girlie.
Of course, then I realized it was better to shift it back a little more to the second half of s6. You still get most of the revelatory pleasure of s7's unspoken We Choose To Stay vibes, but without the added complication of Lucifer talking to Sam throughout (did not want his color commentary on Dean's pussy of the day), or the Leviathan plot ramping up. Eve's just out there doing her thing in late s6; it provides a nice narrative breather. Not that they realize it, haha.
what i had to leave out
Very little, actually. Over 120k of decompressed sexy navel gazing you can cram in a lot of stuff, lol. But one thing that did keep coming up and I kept very deliberately cutting right up to the edge of it so you could see the shape but not the thing itself: gay/bi Dean.
Obviously it does come up, with Sam's very careful questioning that starts in the cabin -- Dean dropping hints himself; Sam having little fireworks going off in his brain. I think in those OKC conversations it's a little more bald, in a way that I think/hope was appropriate for that stage in the relationship -- once you've slept with someone like 28 times it's reasonable to ask more about their background, I guess.
Given, though, that a lot of the fic is circling around the concept of Dean-as-object, I really wanted to keep some opacity in him. Some little bit of mental privacy, especially with how he's being cracked open physically. I hope that in all that's not being said there's a lot of room for all kinds of history, stuff Sam might learn more about (or not!) as they continue. Obviously prostitution was part of it, but to what extent? Did he hook up with guys just because he wanted to? (Was Dean/John ever a thing?) All stuff that the fic needs to be aware of, e.g. in how it informs how he does not want to open that door with Cas, but that doesn't need to actually be on screen.
Oh, I also left out period sex and pregnancy kink. Both wildly tempting but would've dragged the fic to yet another place.
random this-fic trivia
I had no idea how the curse was going to get solved until the day I wrote that it was going to be solved in 'two parts' and went, oh fuck. Now I gotta come up with the two parts.
I initially hated Denise and then she became my bestie. She makes really good lasagna. :/
In a lot of ways the most important part of the whole 120k is the line Dean has about saying that even the cure is stupid -- because he loves Sam, and loves making him feel good, and so what's good for Sam is good for Dean, so how do you differentiate? Sam and Dean are both bibros, news at 11.
For me the sexiest part of the fic by far is one of the middle nights at the cabin where Sam wakes Dean up in the early morning to be fucked and then is just playing with his body after, wide-awake while Dean's sleepy, vaguely possessive and smug. It's just a good look on them both.
Not-on-screen headcanon from me: Dean was treating it like prostitution even through the first 'date' where Sam asked him not to, and it wasn't until Sam tried to kiss him at the beginning of ch5 that the careful mental shield of it being a 'job' cracked, and never repaired. No going back, at that point (even if he had another mini-crisis over the blowjob, later).
Future headcanon for the fic: Dean is way less shy about showing Sam his lingerie kink. In contrast, Sam develops an almost-crippling breeding kink. (Dean is delighted when he finally figures out why Sam's acting so weird.)
