#morality!thomas

Every time I so much as think about picking a favourite, I realise how amazing the others also are. 

 I don’t think indecisiveness is the reason I don’t have a favourite Sanders Side (aspects of his personality). I just think it’s my Hufflepuff coming through. 

I think I’ve made my stance on this topic very clear: I don’t have a favourite Sanders Side. But I’ve finally come to the realisation of why that is. Yes, it’s partially “my Hufflepuff coming through” but it’s mostly because I relate to all of them.  And I think that’s kind of the point. Generally, when people chose a favourite character, it’s because they see some part of themselves in that character. But I relate to all of them, in quite different ways. So how am I to choose? 

I suffer from anxieties (general, social, and death [considered an OCD by my MD]) and depression as well being insecure in several aspects of my life and having extreme introversion. That is where I relate to Anxiety. He is that type of persona I’d generally present to people I either don’t know or don’t care to know. People I want to keep at arm’s length until I can trust them. He desperately wants to be loved, which was super evident in the latest vlog, but he doesn’t know how to go about it. And apart from always associating him with Eeyore in my mind, I feel him. I’m somewhat of a recluse where I currently live because my social anxiety is as severe as it is, so Anxiety’s desperate desire for love but the uncertainty of how to go about it is where I relate to him. 

While my scope of interests might be narrow, things truly do fascinate me, and I am extremely curious. This is where I relate to Logic (Logan). I am genuinely interested in things, maybe not typical things like science and math, but weird things like witchcraft and symbolism and I have tonnes of books on those topics. I don’t practise witchcraft, but I am interested in the history and the mythology surrounding it. Mythology, that’s another thing. Greek mythology, in particular, fascinates me because most problems are because Zeus wanted to “put [his] dick in it” and I find that greatly entertaining. Beyond academics, I am still inclined to learn. Although I understand emotions better than Logan, this is how I relate to him.

I am not musically inclined. I can’t sing or read notes at all. It seems to mathematical to me, so I blame it on my dyscalculia. I appreciate music. However, my creativity lies in writing. This is where I relate to Princey (Roman). Fantasy fiction is my favourite genre in which to write. I love all the enchanted beings and how, despite all the magic, the author can always ground it in some type of reality with very real issues. I pride myself in creativity as it is often where I find the most joy. And, on several occasions, it has been an outlet for my own anxiety and depression. Whether I am writing to cope or as an escape,  it is where I feel most at ease. The fantastical elements come to me far more readily than anything else, and that’s how I relate to Roman.

When I care about something, I care deeply. I devote myself to this thing for however long I must because I just love it so much. This is where I relate to Morality/Dad. He cares. And he’s willing to show you how much he cares. He just loves everything, and even when “hopelessly crushed” he still has a sunny disposition. He is the type of person I wish I could be publically. I am much more likely to show this side of myself online because I feel safe there. But publicly (IRL), I am far more likely to present myself as Anxiety, but don’t be fooled I am very Dad-like. I just really want to make people happy and brighten up their day, and this is how I relate to Morality/Dad.

And this is why I don’t like being asked to pick a favourite Side. Because I relate to all of them. And in vastly different ways too. And I really feel like that is the point. We have a bit of each of them in all of us, maybe not to the same degree, but they’re all there. For me, I think I have them all in pretty equal quantities, which is why it’s impossible for me to pick a favourite.But, if I really have to choose … then I’d choose @thatsthat24 because the Sides are all part of him. They are aspects of his personality. So if I had to choose, I’d choose Thomas because, by extension,  I’m choosing all of them.

DON”T MAKE ME CHOOSE!! I feel like you’re asking me to play favourites!

But in all honesty, this is the one I’ve been holding off on answering because I wanted the most time to think about my answer. 

I relate to all of them, in various ways. Which is part of why answering which one I relate to most or which one am I most like is a very loaded question. In short: all of them. In great detail: it depends on the situation and the circles in which I find myself.

Online I think I am most like Morality (Dad Guy), without question. I just want everyone to have a good time, and I want my blog to be a very positive space. I want to exude positivity. Morality is the type of person I wish I could be more like offline. Offline, I am much more like Anxiety, with a little less black in my wardrobe and slightly better makeup. Anxiety is the front I put up to people I either don’t know or don’t care to know. I come off as cold and careless (I’ve been told this) and have mega bitchy resting face. And I don’t do this deliberately, what comes off as cold, careless, and snobby is me trying to maintain my composure and not have a panic attack because social situations terrify me and give me sensory overload. Then, when it comes to researching things, for fun and not for university, I am very much like Logan. Researching stuff for the stories I write in incredibly fun and rewarding and something I enjoy. Which brings me to creativity, writing is my passion. It is when I am my most comfortable and that is where I relate to Roman. And it’s difficult for me to pick just one Side because they all work together to make Thomas, Thomas. Just as our own version work together to make us who we are. They might take turns steering the ship, but ultimately they all have to work together.

Frankly, I think that’s the point. Like, I know at any given moment people are like “Oh, [Side] is soo me” and while I might say these things too, the Side to whom I relate most changes at any given moment based on the situation as well as my emotions. I am resistant to say I am most often like W, X, Y, Z, or X and Y, because it changes for me.

And maybe I’m reading too much into this and getting way too analytical on a topic that was never meant to be analysed this deeply, but I feel like the “can’t be one without the others” is the message Thomas is ultimately leading up to. I am positive that each Side will experience a moment of crisis and it is through these crises where the others help the panicking Side realise their worth. Four parts make a whole, and I feel like that’s what the Sides series is ultimately leading up to, I mean they acknowledged how similar they are to the concept of Inside Out. I think the big difference will be that each Side will experience some type of crisis and the others (along with Thomas) will help him understand his own worth better.