#moons rants

I spent 4 hours correcting someone’s work that was on a different team and asked them to fix it before I can send it out for them (time sensitive stuff). It wasn’t done, so I emailed their supervisor to tell them what happened. I asked if they could please talk to them since it’s an issue.

So apparently I have shutdowns?

I didn't realised it until now. It's not happening to me very often I'm shutting down but it happened to me today. We returned to college after two weeks of studying from our houses and it is so exhausting to me to be near other students and mask again.

I'm not part of their loop, I'm not part of them. They are all friends with each other and it might have look like I have a proper relationship with them. We hug, we talk, I'm driving with them, we are helping each other, it seems good. But it's not. I feel like an outsider, they are going to the gym together and study for exams. I never understand how they are suddenly doing this, how they start doing this? Why it worked for them and not me?

The students always try to skip classes and don't take college seriously. They do their works with AI and not even try, while I'm working so hard and using so much energy to do them. I don't want to cheat or doing shortcuts, I want to keep my values but no one else care about this stuff and my sense of justice is blocking me from doing some of assignments I have.

I may open free talks for a little bit later during my lunch and then pause them whilst I’m in class