#moonlilly

Everything seemed to be happening so fast that, deep down, I tried to convince myself this was some kind of joke—that Professor Kukui and Hau would suddenly burst out laughing, telling me I’d fallen right into their trap. Then, we’d all go out for a celebratory meal to mark the fact that I had become Champion just the day before... or something like that—what do I know?! But that party had already happened; we had all celebrated that very thing the night before, enjoying until dawn, so there was no reason to do it all over again. Perhaps it was the lack of sleep, the sheer exhaustion; I felt so completely disoriented in that moment.

As soon as we reached the harbor, it was Hau who started talking—asking questions—while I could do nothing but stand there, watching as the conversation unfolded.

Why?

Why couldn't I find the right words?

Why couldn't I bring myself to get any closer?

I can traverse the islands without fear; I can battle ferocious creatures—I mean, I can even venture into another dimension without knowing if I’ll ever make it back alive!

So why was this leaving me utterly paralyzed?

I clenched my teeth so hard that they began to hurt. My gaze couldn't help but dart back and forth between the ship in the background and you. I wanted to stop you; I needed to stop you. No. I wanted to go with you; I needed to go with you. Is it selfish to wish for something like that? I don't know. But—but it was also selfish of you not to tell me anything... though I suppose you had your reasons.

I tried to open my mouth, hoping that something—anything—would tumble out, however clumsily. But even if I had, the only things I would have managed to utter were incoherent babblings. Hearing your words stopped me before I could even try.

“To help my mother get better… for her sake, for my sake, I need to become stronger”

You looked so determined, so lively—even somewhat thrilled by that freedom you had always yearned for. And your eyes... oh, those emerald eyes that had always seemed drowned in sadness and fear, desperately gasping for a breath of life—now they shone with decision and courage. And that excitement with which you spoke of becoming a trainer and that was the very thing—

That was the very thing I couldn't bring myself to stand against.

I didn't want to stop you.

My lips closed once more, and with them, that desire to ask you to stay.

Seeing you look so happy brought a smile to my own face—a smile of pride at seeing how strong you are as a person; of sadness at realizing I wouldn't be by your side during this new chapter of your life; and of calm, born of the confidence that you would achieve whatever you set your mind to.

Perhaps it was selfish after all.

—Moon, this is for you. It may look a little worn, but... that is because this was once my most treasured possession.

You took a few steps toward me—slowly, cautiously. The world seemed to shrink down to the space between the two of us, as if our conversation were something deeply personal.

Why?

I placed my hands over yours as I took the Poké Doll you offered me—perhaps I left them there for longer than necessary—. It looked slightly worn, as if it had been hugged countless times, as if it had been a source of comfort during difficult nights, as if it were something of immense importance. I looked up, searching for your eyes, and you gave me a smile—that kind, lovely smile that always inspired me to give my absolute best; the only smile for which I would never hesitate to throw myself into danger, just to see it again. It made me feel invincible, yet so vulnerable.

—Are you… okay? —You noticed my concern; that hadn't been my intention. I nervously averted my gaze—the very gaze you had caught me in—and pulled my hands away from yours, tucking the plushie away as if doing so could hide what I was feeling.

—Y-yeah… yeah, everything’s fine, Lills!

The answer came out automatically, just as it always did—but this time, it carried a different weight. It felt like a moment that had already passed, yet was already beginning to feel nostalgic—like that night we walked together along the beach. I remembered the first time I’d said those words to you, how clumsy I must have sounded, and yet how much you had cared about one of my insignificant little quirks.

You let out a laugh—so faint, so shy. Your enormous hat, and the moonlight glinting off it, obscured my view, but I knew you were smiling. That had become something special between the two of us.

Why?

And then, I snapped out of my memories.

—Oh… Actually, I too have something for you. —Fighting back the lump forming in my throat and forcing the best smile I could muster, I fumbled open my bag—almost too quickly. —I had no idea you were… leaving today. I was planning to give this to you in a few days. Hau didn't said much when he mentioned that we had to head to the docks, but something told me I needed to bring this along. I found it up on Mount Lanakila, right before the Elite Four. It was just lying there... well, not lying exactly—but it was all alone. And it looked... fragile, I guess.

I let out a short laugh that only served to highlight my nervousness, all while slowly pulling out a Pokémon Egg.

—Not fragile-fragile, I mean, It is strong! It can be strong. I mean, you know how Pokémon are. But It just looked so small... so delicate… so afraid

Shut up, shut up, Moon! This isn't the time to be talking about Pokémon. You can do more than just that—come on! Focus!

—The people at the Pokémon Center said it had been there for days, with no one to look after it, or pick it up, or anything... just abandoned. It’s rare for something like that to happen, you know? It doesn't happen very often. The odds of finding an abandoned Egg are pretty low. —I chuckled softly.— Well, I mean, it does happen, just not that much... I think! Umm... I don't know.

Your hands reached out toward me, sensing exactly what I was getting at. I held the item between us; it really was the only thing separating us—I hadn't realized just how close we actually were. The moment you touched it, you looked at me with such tenderness that I couldn't help but pause and gaze at you again. Meeting my eyes calmly, waiting for me to continue speaking.

—So… Yeah! I thought that you could... show it the world! Give it a new meaning—a new perspective—just like you did for me.

And you lowered your gaze from my eyes ever so slightly…

Just a little bit.

—And with Nebby, of course! —I added quickly, tripping over my own words.— It's the same thing... well, no, not exactly the same thing... but similar! You get my point.

I felt my cheeks begin to burn. I’ve always been good at handling high-pressure situations in battle—but not so much with words. So, I just kept rambling, hoping that—with a little help from the Tapus—my babbling might actually work in my favor.

Why?

—Well, I think it’s an Ice-type—because of the blue color. Although that doesn't always mean it's Ice, right? It could be something else... but it originated from Mount Lanakila. Maybe... Steel-type? Steel-types don't usually live in cold regions unless they're in caves. It really depends on the species. So, maybe it’s a dual type? Or perhaps it’ll evolve into a dual type? Because of the location, Sandslash seems like the most likely candidate... or maybe a Vulpix that evolves into a Ninetales! Can you imagine? An egg of Vulpix by itself… Those are incredibly rare to find—you’d need to have absolutely amazing luck! Well, okay, maybe not quite as rare as a Shiny Pokémon... but they certainly aren't common. Alolan Ninetales are awesome. If you got an Alolan Vulpix, I think it would suit you really well; they excel at speed in battle, and having a Modest nature helps them come up with great strategies. But not only that—they’re cute! And having one would really suit you, since you’re cute too.

I instantly shut myself up when I realized I’d said it out loud.

Too much noise. in the waves, in the wind, in my head.

You brought a hand to your mouth, trying to hide a laugh.

Great. Just great.

—The point is—I took a breath to steady myself—it’s a good Pokémon, and you’re great with them. It could help you get started on your journey... not that you need the help, but, you know...

And so, for the first time in our conversation, our eyes completely met—and held. This time, I didn't look away, and you didn't seem to want to, either.

Your fingers brushed against mine as you took the gift—a delicate, timid touch as our skin made contact. I wasn't the only one feeling nervous.

—Think of it as a memory of Alola.

Think of it as a memory of me.

—Thanks, Moon. Seriously.

You tucked the egg away in your bag. I started to pull my arms back toward myself, but then, quite suddenly, Your hands took mine—hands that had always been cold by nature today felt like the warmest in the entire region. You seemed to want to say something more, too; I could feel your thumb gently stroking my hand with such tenderness. That was the moment I realized that leaving Alola hurt you just as much as it hurt me.

Then, the sea breeze picked up—or perhaps it was simply that I could no longer hold it in—and the mask of composure I’d been wearing shattered completely; a mask that hadn't fooled anyone, anyway. My eyes welled up, and the sigh I’d been holding back for so long escaped in a rush as I felt your warm embrace.

It’s because I’m terrified of facing what I feel.

I clung to you, holding on as tightly as I could—as tightly as reality itself was pummeling me—hoping deep down that I could somehow make time stand still. I was living this very moment as if it were already a memory of the past. This would be the last time we would see each other. You had likely come to terms with this long ago—Maybe, from the very start, you knew that none of this would last forever. And yet, you chose to cherish every single moment alongside the opportunity that life—or perhaps, escaping from that paradise—had granted you.

This was my last chance—my final battle.

— Lillie… I…

My grip crumpled your clothes, and burying my face in your shoulder wouldn't help me one bit.

— I…

My breathing was so constricted that my whispers were barely audible.

— I…

My tears, uncontrollable now, streamed down my cheeks.

I cursed myself for being unable to do anything, for being unable to say anything. How could I be so strong in every other way… except for this?

I regretted not realizing sooner what I felt for you.

Then I felt your fingers stroking the hair at the back of my head; almost mimicking my own hesitant tone, you whispered:

— Me too, Moon. I…

And time stood still—a few seconds that felt like an eternity. You were about to finish your sentence.

I could feel it, we both knew it.

But it seems you had regrets, too.

— …I’m going to miss you.

You planted a kiss on my cheek.

Oh… Oh.

A small gesture meant to convey everything neither of us could bring ourselves to say.

Cheeks damp from tears and flushed from your touch, I felt all my inner insecurities crumble away. You confirmed what I felt—that it was reciprocated. This was reciprocated; this affection was mutual. It left me feeling hollow.

That was when I realized I had lost this battle long before it had even begun.

And then you walked away.

I could only stand there like an idiot, my hand resting where your lips had touched, watching my best friend leave, watching the one I admired most slip away, the one I loved never to return.

I don't remember clearly what happened after that. Kukui and Hau’s voices faded into background noise; I think I just stood there for a while longer. It wasn't until I was completely alone that I finally let out a scream, releasing everything I had been holding inside.

And before I could even realize it, two years had flown by.

I’m on my way to my “job”—the League—and, as always, I’m lost in my thoughts; lately, I’ve been thinking of you more than usual.

The wind from Mount Lanakila has always been merciless, but today felt different—not a biting cold, but rather a whisper that enveloped me in comfort. I feel the weight of the Z-Crystal on my wrist and notice the rattling of a certain Poké Ball in my bag—the one holding the Pokémon you also entrusted to me for training.

Sometimes Hau comes up to challenge me. Perhaps it would bring you some comfort to know that he’s just as energetic as ever—though even he falls into prolonged silences whenever we’re down at that seaside port. I know he misses you, too, but his is a sweet nostalgia; mine is an unanswered question that repeats itself every single night.

I’ve received your letters, of course—your tales of Kanto, updates on your mother’s health, and your adventures as a Trainer. I’d be lying if I said I don’t read them so often that the paper has started to fray at the edges. I love reading them! It’s fascinating to witness your boundless curiosity about the world—a world from which you were kept confined for so many years.

But you never mention the kiss on the cheek.

You never mention the silence that we shared.

I suppose we both decided to guard that memory like a treasure—something deeply personal. It feels so precious that bringing it out into the light might somehow alter our friendship... even though, deep down, we both know that isn't true. So, in a silent, unspoken pact, we both agreed never to mention it. A little romantic, if you ask me.

Lot of things has passed since then. On nights when the sea sounds just as it did that day—and when the wind seems to carry the echo of your voice—I find myself wondering: when you gaze up at the starry firmament, do you ever think of me, too?

I hear the teleporter across from my chair begin to glow; it won’t be long now before an aspiring Trainer—one who has successfully defeated the Elite Four—steps up to challenge me. With a weary sigh, I shake myself free from my memories and rise to my feet. The champion returns to her place with a steadfast smile and the determined gaze of someone who cannot be defeated; there is no longer any trace of that coward, self-proclaimed-tragic-hero—who haunts her whenever she is alone.

For someday, when you decide to return, I want you to find a Moon of whom you can feel proud. A champion capable of protecting the region you love so dearly—no matter the adversities she must face or the secrets she must hide—someone who can hold a smile without trembling.

Hoping that, in doing so, I too might one day be honest enough to face my own feelings.