#moonfreckles

how to draw your face

when your smile is fading in my memory

how to draw when all you left

is a dark shadow in my heart

and cold fingerprints

on the white skin of my breasts

I’m trying to remember

the smell of your hair

holding on

to the taste of your lips

but all I taste is wet salt on my cheeks

the paper stays blank

“What are you doing love” i hear you say

your voice sounds weird

different, distorted, distant

I turn my face to smile at you

to give you all my love

but there’s nothing there

nothing than dark emptiness on my bed

and cold fingerprints

that I am worthy

of being in love

and being loved

and therefore

i need to be

in love

with myself

whether to wish

for never having met you

or getting used to

being without you

i want neither

i want you back

but you are gone

not here

yet always on

my mind

and the pain

eats me

up inside

so is it

either leave

or come back?

but they sound ridiculous

i tried drawing you

but I’m miserable at it

talking about you makes me feel miserable

as does thinking about you

but in all I do

i think of you

and I miss you

so much