#moodswingin

So as usual I find old pictures that brings back stuff.. I found a picture of the little note book that I wrote stuff in it. I wonder if he still have it. I actually realized that I don't have the graduation video because "it was enough that one of us have it" T.T I remembered that I have this huge paper sheet that my sis in law brought on my graduation dinner where people were supposed to write congrats all over it but my friends abused it and wrote hidden stuff all about me and him. Oh and the best of them all, I found a picture that used to be my favorite. I was standing in front of the biggest aquarium we have and I raised my hands in a heart sign. Because I know exactly what I was feeling then and I can never forget how fucking happy I was, I was the happiest I've ever felt because at that moment I felt so calm and safe knowing that I found the one for me.. Yeah I don't know why I'm doing this to myself but there's no way in hell I'd delete any of it.. I need to go home and be alone again and cut myself from any sort of feelings..

Here's the sad thing I realized today, the pain is never gone, we just get used to it.. Yes I'm in a horrible mood.. I've always said I never want to be that girl who they tell that being single is way better than marriage, or that they always thought we didn't suit each other or I'll find someone better. And I was right it feels like shit being that girl.

Actually fucking tire myself out with all these moodswings. Mental health is NOT a joke.

I'm kinda wasted and very very happy right now 🌻🌻😅😁