#monroe calvert

She blows into his shop with an unnecessarily firm slam to his door; a few terracotta pots shake from the force of it. Monroe bites back a groan, bracing himself, before pasting on a smile and stepping out of the back.

"Welcome to Flower Language. Is there anything I can help you with?"

She huffs. "Yeah, what kind of flowers do you give a complete jerk?"

What? Does she mean him, specifically, or is this more of a hypothetical? He opts to treat it as the first. "Um, I don't?"

"There's this guy," she continues as if he hadn't spoken, "And he just really ticked me off, so I want to tell him what a jerk he is, but he's super smart, so I want to do it in a way that seems smart, you know?"

He blinks once, then twice. "So you want to get him flowers?"

"To tell him he's a jerk, yeah."

This is so not what he gets paid for. On the other hand, he does actually know flower language, which it turns out most people don't actually care about; they just want to know what's pretty and cheap, and are offended when roses aren't the latter.

Fine, then. "I mean, there's the Turk's Cap Lily. It means hatred."

She actually lights up, bouncing a little on her feet. "Perfect! Do you have any of those?"

He points, and she follows his gaze, then nods enthusiastically. "Anything else?"

"Well... Scarlet Auriculas mean avarice."

"Ohhh, yeah, that's good."

In spite of himself, a smile flickers on his lips as he searches his mind for other flowers that could work. He's always enjoyed trying to put together meaningful bouquets, even though this isn't quite the meaning he prefers. "And there's Foxglove for insincerity. Plus, if you can find some dandelions, that means depart, which-"

"I think I love you. Not like that," she adds quickly, wrinkling her nose-rude, but okay, "But just. That's perfect. Thank you so much."

He helps her put together her bouquet, mentions a couple of places she might be able to find the dandelions, and sends her on her way. Huh, he thinks afterward. That was very weird.

-

They run into each other at the grocery store nearly a month later, and curiosity wins out over the urge to keep his mouth shut and get his shopping done, so he clears his throat. "How did it go with the flowers?"

She pauses, giving him a blank stare for so long that he regrets ever speaking, before recognition dawns, and she goes sheepish. "That... Turned out to be a huge misunderstanding. He's actually a really great guy, and I felt really bad."

"Oh." That's a bit of a let-down, honestly. He was hoping for something more epic than that. Now he just feels like a jerk himself. "Sorry."

Shrugging, she grins. "I mean, it worked out. He's my boyfriend now."

With that she walks off, leaving Monroe to try to figure out (once again) what on earth just happened.

-

He’d be lying if he said this, here, wasn’t his favorite part of a work day. She smiled at him over a cup of coffee, her laughter warming him as much as the drink, and he marveled at how incredibly lucky he was. It only lasted a few minutes; they had to clock in, after all, and face the endless streams of paperwork and phone calls. But he wouldn’t trade those few minutes for all the world. This was, he had to admit, a vast improvement over his last job. 

As they made their way to the time clock she paused, resting a hand against his shoulder, and excused herself with a murmured ladies’ room. 

It was only after she disappeared that Wu cleared his throat, stepping out of the shadows. The man was typically something of an office clown, causing the kind of shenanigans that made everyone forget he was actually kind of brilliant, but just at the moment, he looked impossibly serious. 

“Hey, man. Everything okay?”

Wu sighed. “Look, I get it, okay? But you’ve got to let her go.”

Monroe bristled. He’d actually liked the guy, but to have the nerve to say something like that? “Excuse me?”

“I know you’re new, but you have to know that she’s married. And whatever excuses you’re making right now, I promise you it isn’t worth it. You’re just going to end up with a broken heart, and it’s going to make work all kinds of awkward, so just… Don’t.” 

Offense gave way to bafflement, a slow sort of understanding dawning at the back of his mind. Did he mean-? Surely not. But then, it wasn’t like Monroe and Rosalee had exactly announced it to everyone. But it seemed pretty obvious, didn’t it? “Yeah, I think you’ve got the wrong idea here. Ros-” 

Wu cut him off. “I’m not blind, you know? But she’s married, and-” He paused, glancing at Monroe’s left hand. “It looks like you are, too. The only thing I don’t know is whether or not you guys are already involved.”

The words came out before Monroe could think them through, quick and stunned. “Well, of course we are, but-”

“I don’t want to hear it, okay? Just-” Wu held up a hand. “Walk away, for all our sakes. You’re a better guy than this.” Then, before Monroe could string together a reply, he walked away.

The reality of what just happened was starting to hit him in full force, and a wave of embarrassment washed over him. Great; that would have been really easy to handle, and instead, he made it way, way worse. Now all he had to do was… Make sure that Rosalee never ever found out about it.

-

Five hours later, he and Rosalee were on lunch break, chatting about their day so far over sandwiches, when Nick strode into the break room, grinning ear to ear. Even before he said a word, Monroe’s stomach sank; somehow, he just knew. 

“Hey, Rosalee,” Nick drawled, eyes dancing, “Have you heard the latest office drama?”

Rosalee smiled and shook her head, that indulgent look that she often gave Nick when he shifted into full annoying little brother mode. “Nick, you know I don’t listen to that stuff.” 

“Oh, I think you’re going to want to hear this.” He glanced at Monroe, and his grin somehow widened at Monroe’s sharp look. Taking another step, lowering his voice dramatically, he told Rosalee, “Apparently, you’re having an affair.” 

Rosalee scowled. “What? With who?”

“The new guy, of course.” He nodded to Monroe. “Apparently Wu confronted him about it this morning, and he practically confirmed it.”

Okay, so we’re just throwing me completely under the bus, huh? Sometimes, it was hard to remember that Nick was Monroe’s friend before he was Rosalee’s. Since meeting, the two had become like siblings, and while Nick was friends with both her and Monroe, they definitely had a unique bond. 

Rosalee went completely still, a thousand expressions crossing her face, before she asked, voice a calm that was clearly forced, “What?”

“It wasn’t like that,” Monroe protested, for all the good it would do. “I was just completely confused. At first, I didn’t even know what he was asking!”

Nick didn’t even dignify that with a reply, just dissolved into laughter, as Rosalee hid her face in her hands. 

“This isn’t funny,” she forced out, though her voice was a little too high, and she was clearly on the verge of laughter herself. “Are you telling me that the whole office thinks I’m having an affair with my husband?” On the last word, her voice cracked, and she gave into breathless giggles, as Monroe sat there desperately wishing he could just sink into the floor.

“Yep!”

“Did you at least tell them-”

“Nope!”

“Nick-”

“I didn’t want to spoil the fun.”

Fun. Right. Monroe was never going to live this down.

-

Rosalee worked fast, Monroe had to admit; by five pm, the whole office seemed to know the truth (in spite of Nick’s desperate pleas for them to just let the gag play itself out a little longer). This was both a great relief, and more than a little mortifying. 

DARLINGS (And the only stable relationship on that whole show...) (Make no mistake, I have many ships on that show, but almost everyone on there is a disaster, as much as I love them.)

falls asleep on the couch: This happens to both of them more often than they'd like to admit.

makes friends with the neighbors: Rosalee for sure. Monroe's a LONE WOLF who likes to be ALONE and- ("Monroe, honey, I hate to break it to you, but you have a ton of friends now." "Nick and them are FAMILY, thank you. They don't count." "I'll be sure to tell them that next time I see them.")

is the adventurous eater: Rosalee, nowadays. Monroe's pretty careful about what he eats, to make sure it doesn't have meat in it.

hogs the covers at night: PLEASE. As if they stop cuddling long enough for this to be an issue.

forgets to do the dishes: Once the triplets are born, both of them are so busy parenting that they forget half the time.

tries to surprise their partner more often: ... *Remembers the elaborate and complicated proposal Monroe came up with* .... Monroe for sure.

leaves dirty laundry on the floor: Both of them tend to keep a pretty tidy house, really. Until triplets, at least.

stays up til 2 AM reading: Monroe stays up til 2 AM tinkering with clocks.

sings in the shower: Rosalee.

takes the selfies: Rosalee, but not often. Just a few here and there. Most selfies with them also include and are taken by Nick, honestly. Or Adalind. Or Juliette in the early days.