By the way I broke a door again so go get a stronger one. Annnnd we need more buttons because using your teeny handles for your teeny hands is annoying and you should've done something about that by now.

Again..? I'm not sure they can get much stronger but I'll look into it, sir.

I'm not encouraging you. I'm ordering you to make a fucked up evil lamp fucked up and evil enough for me.

As you wish, my malevolent skeletal overlord. Here's what I've conjured up for ya~

May I present to you the Soul Lamp. This lamp is everything you could ever want in a lamp; fucked up, evil, and innovative.

You see, not only does this lamp emit a gnarly mystical green glow, it comes with it's very own white noise. The wails of the damned souls bemoaning the fact they are now a lamp for the rest of eternity would lull anyone to sleep. Not a fan of white noise? Petrifying silence is more your cup of tea? Just say "Soul Lamp, shut up." They will stop moaning!

@monarchofmayhem

Looord Haterrr. The Commander is threatening to kill your most loyal, faithful worshiper again. With me gone, all of our magic defenses go as well. We would be no longer impervious to psychic and sorcerous attacks. No more badass flame rituals that make you look so so so cool.

(prev) Lord Hater scoffed as he rolled his eyes. “I’m throwing you two nerds in the Doom Arena. Duh.”

“Ah, the Doom Arena. Of course. Well, I will put on a good show for you, your wickedness.”

The priest Reverend Mike finally caught up and breathlessly tried to keep pace. “Your excellency, w- what about the rest of mass?”

Bishop Percival tried to swat him away, but was too far off the ground. “Oh please, this IS the rest! A field trip to the Doom arena! An exciting opportunity has been put forth for me to fight in the name of Glorn, nay, Lord Hater, a calling that I shall answer!”

Mike rolled his eye and slowed down, breaking pace with Hater and blending into the crowd following behind. Some of the acolytes and deacons excitedly tried to chatter at Hater.

“Lord Hater sir, what’s it like being a physical manifestation of Glorn?”

“Lord Hater, what’s your workout routine?”

“Hater, can you spell icup?”

He snatched Bishop Percival from the pulpit and teleported out as quickly as he came, then stormed down the hall with a wicked grin on his face.

"Don't wake him," Hater gruffly said. "It's better than his whining."

When the chapel doors started rattling, everyone turned their heads towards them, only to give themselves whiplash as their attention snapped to the giant evil skeleton overlord who just teleported into the pulpit. 

“Oh my!-” Is all the bishop could exclaim before being snatched and teleported away. 

As Percival swayed in Lord Hater’s grip, he turned his head toward the snoozing commander. 

“Your rottenness, it is an honor to be snatched by you. But could you please tell me what’s going on?” He already had a few ideas, since rumors of a fight had been cropping up online, but he wanted confirmation.