#modyssey

Your boyfriend, Rowan, and you were sitting on your couch in your one-bedroom apartment having your weekly movie night, but unlike usual, anxiety coursed through your veins. You needed to have a talk with him but couldn’t work up the courage, so instead you sat on your hands so he wouldn’t see them trembling. You had no recollection of the developing plot of the movie and more than likely couldn’t even recount the name of the main character. You attempted to keep your eyes on the screen, but as your thoughts drifted, so did your gaze.

“What’s on your mind, baby?” Your boyfriend asked, arm wrapped around you and hand coming to rub your shoulder gently.

You snapped out of your stupor. “Nothing! I just zoned out for a minute,” you lied, smiling at him over-enthusiastically. He didn’t buy it. He stared at you for a few beats, hoping the silence would cause you to break. “Really, I’m okay. Just thinking a little bit.”

“What about?” Rowan asked.

Your mind scrambled for another lie. You hated being dishonest, but the truth was far too embarrassing to share. “It’s nothing, just… thinking about some plans I have for tomorrow.”

Rowan tilted his head towards you. “Baby, you know you’re a terrible liar. It’s okay if you don’t want to talk about it, I just wanna make sure you’re okay.” Your boyfriend’s sweetness melted your heart. You wanted to tell him but feared the worst. You decided to give him an ounce of the truth to see how he reacted.

“I’m okay, really. More than okay. There’s just something I wanna talk to you about.” You spared a glance at him.

“Sure, baby, what’s going on?” A small smile appeared on his face and he turned his body to face you, urging you to continue.

“Well, I’ve been thinking… it’s just, I’ve been wondering…” Your eyes wandered. You sighed, your body forcing you to take a deep breath to calm your nerves.

“What is it, baby? You know you can talk to me, right?” You saw your boyfriend’s eyebrows furrow slightly as he took your hands in his.

“Yeah, of course. It’s just a little embarrassing,” you said, laughing to lighten the mood.

“You don’t have to be embarrassed about anything around me.”

You felt your heart flutter, and this time you knew it wasn’t from the anxiety.

You took another deep breath. “Well, I was just wondering–and it’s totally okay if you don’t want to, I was just thinking about it–I was wondering if you wanted to, um, like try to do something intimate with me or something?” You felt the blood rush to your cheeks and sweat coat your hands as you posed the question. You couldn’t make yourself look at him.

You’d always been awkward about the subject and brushed it off when Rowan brought it up. But lately, you'd been trying to become more confident in yourself. In your past, men had always treated you like an object, made you feel like you were nothing more than a toy for their pleasure. But, you and Rowan had talked about this, and you had been together for a long time. You trusted him, and you wanted to take the next step with him. And, god, was he hot, which helped.

“Are you sure that’s something you’d be comfortable with? I don’t want you to push yourself just because you think that’s something I want.” The gentleness in your boyfriend’s voice made your eyes shoot up to his and your lips part. You thought he’d either be disgusted or jump your bones right there–this reaction left you speechless. Of course, you knew your boyfriend was sweet and was waiting patiently for you to want to take the next step together, but you thought that as soon as you gave him the green light, things might go south.

“Oh, um. Yes. Yes, I think I’m ready. Thank you for asking,” you replied sheepishly.

“Are you sure? Because you know that’s not something I would ever try to make you do. We never need to do anything like that and I’ll still want to be with you.”

You felt hot tears well up in your eyes. Part of you knew this was true, but hearing him say it and truly mean it was still so relieving and made you feel like you were worth more than you thought you really were.

“Really? I mean, if it turned out that I actually wasn’t comfortable with it, you’d still want to be with me?” You whispered, willing yourself not to cry.

Rowan’s voice became even gentler, one of his palms reaching up to cup your cheek. “Of course, baby. I love you and want only you, not sex. I’m so sorry if I ever made you think that I felt differently.”

You let out a breath you didn’t know you were holding. You didn’t realize how desperately you needed to hear that from him. You instantly felt the tension in your shoulders release and you let out a relieved laugh. “Thank you. I really needed that. You’ve never done anything to make me think otherwise. I think I’ve just been overthinking a lot.” You looked away as you spoke your thoughts, furrowing your brow. “I guess I’m just so used to the opposite being true that it’s hard for me to believe you could actually like me for something other than my body.”

A silence overcame the space between you and you realized you might have said something out of line. Your eyes widened as you snapped your head back to face him. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to get too personal, and it’s not like I believe you’re a bad guy or anything even close to that. I guess my head is just a little fucked up and that’s something I need to work through. You haven’t done anything wrong, it’s just–”

“Baby,” Rowan cut you off with a soft voice. “You don’t need to explain yourself. You’ve been through a lot. It’s normal for your mind to protect you. I completely understand why you would be wary of me. Don’t be so hard on yourself.” Your boyfriend rubbed his thumb lightly along your cheek. “I know you’re trying, and I appreciate that so much. I’m so thankful you trust me enough to talk to me about this sort of thing. But I want you to know, even if you don’t believe it, that I really do love you. I think you’re beautiful, but I didn’t fall in love with you for your looks or your body. I fell in love with your kind heart and unique mind. I’ll keep trying to prove it to you every day until you believe me. And even then, I’ll keep showing you so you never forget, okay?”

The lump forming in your throat prevented you from saying anything and you could feel your lips beginning to quiver. You grabbed Rowan’s wrist and planted a gentle kiss to his palm, then pulled him towards you and enveloped him in a warm embrace. You forced out a small, “Thank you,” before placing a chaste kiss on his neck and clinging even tighter to him.

“You don’t need to thank me for loving you. I should thank you for allowing me to.”

At this, you couldn’t help but let out a small sob. You couldn’t handle his sweetness.

“Oh, baby, I didn’t mean to make you cry,” Rowan said as he rubbed your back.

You tried to contain yourself before saying, “You’re just too sweet. I don’t know what I did to deserve you. I’m just waiting for the other shoe to drop.”

“Well, stop waiting. You’re deserving of love because you exist,” Rowan cooed in your ear.

“Please, stop, I don’t know how to handle this,” you half-joked.

“You’ll learn eventually. I’ll make sure of it.”

You pulled back slightly from him to look in his eyes and smiled. “I love you.”

He returned the grin. “I love you too, baby.”

Your hand reached for the back of his neck and gently pulled him in towards you, your lips slowly meeting his. Your lips fit together perfectly, yours the lock and his the key, opening you up. You tilted your head to the side to allow for his tongue to fill the space between your teeth, a sigh escaping your mouth. Your hands intertwined behind his head and his found your waist, pulling you closer. You let him pull your body on top of his and you straddled his thighs, chests pressed together. You allowed your hips to find a pleasurable spot on his lap and you let out a soft moan when his jeans pressed into you just right. Your back arched into him and you gripped his neck tighter. As the kiss became more heated, Rowan pulled back for a breath.

“Remember what I just said, baby,” he said, breathless. “We don’t have to do anything.” He looked up at you with hooded eyes and you felt your pussy clench.

“I know we don’t have to. But what if I want to?” you whispered.

“Baby…”

“If you don’t want to, that’s okay. But don’t stop yourself because of me. I want to. Really,” you urged, trying not to seem too desperate.

“Trust me, I want to,” he said with a clearer voice as his eyes widened. “I just want to make sure you’re comfortable.”

You leaned into him again and whispered, “Rowan, I want you.”

Your boyfriend swallowed hard. “Well, then I suggest that we move locations if you’re up for it.” A smile grew on your face as you nodded eagerly. Your boyfriend grabbed the back of your thighs and hoisted you up from the couch quickly, earning a gasp from you as your arms wrapped around his neck.

“Oh Jesus, Ro, I can walk!” You laughed.

“I know, but this is more fun,” Rowan replied as he ran you both towards your bedroom.

He gently laid you down on your bed, your head falling on the pillow. As Rowan bent over you, he turned the bedside lamp on. You felt your heart begin to race in anticipation.

“You okay, baby?” Rowan asked as he leaned down to press a kiss to your cheek.

“Yeah, just a little nervous,” you replied, trying to smile.

“Are you sure you still wanna do this? We can stop right now.”

“No, I’m okay. You’re still okay, right?”

“If you’re okay, I’m okay. Just don’t push yourself too hard.” You nodded and reached out towards him, pulling him closer to you again. Rowan’s lips found yours and you instantly felt more at ease with him closer to you, your hands moving down to touch his shoulders, his arms, his back. Rowan’s hand found the back of your neck and deepened the kiss, your mouth opening to let him in.

You spread your legs to allow room for Rowan to press into you, and the aching in your core was relieved slightly by the pressure of his groin. A small whimper escaped your mouth and entered his, Rowan inhaling sharply at the sound.

“Rowan,” you moaned softly.

“I’m here, baby,” Rowan answered breathlessly.

“Want more,” you urged.

“Tell me what you need, baby.”

“I don’t know,” you breathed. “Want your hands on me.”

Rowan exhaled and kissed the space between your ear and your jaw. “Tell me where you want me.” God, you loved how cautious he was being, but you just wanted him to read your mind. You didn’t want him to make you say it.

“Here,” you said, pulling down the straps of your dress and bra to expose your breasts. “Want you here.”

Rowan complied without any more protest, cupping your breasts with his large hands and squeezing lightly, causing you to tilt your head back and let out a shaky breath.

“Is this okay?” Rowan asked, his breath hot on your neck.

“Yes. Please,” you whined, trying to keep the desperation out of your voice. Your hands found his back and gripped his shirt. Rowan squeezed your breasts harder and lowered his head to your chest, kissing your torso experimentally, glancing up at you to gauge your reactions.

“Please,” you moaned again, unknowingly pushing your chest up towards his face. He didn’t make you explain yourself further this time, instead clasping his lips around one of your nipples and lightly sucking. You gasped as your nerves lit up, arching into him further, fingers finding his hair. “Oh, god,” you moaned. Rowan’s fingertips pinched your other nipple, insighting another sigh from you. His ministrations continued, causing you to squirm in your place on the bed. He made you feel so special, focusing all his attention on making you feel pleased and safe, which turned you on even more.

Rowan moved to your other breast and gave it the same attention, tongue swirling around the bud. Arousal began to pool in your underwear and you ground your hips up into Rowan’s growing hard-on. He groaned into your chest and thrusted back down into you, the motion of his hips so smooth you were almost ready for him to fuck you right there.

“Ro,” you moaned out, lightly tugging at his hair to bring his face up to yours.

“Yeah, baby?” he breathed, lips shiny with spit, eyes already beginning to look fucked-out.

“Let me do something for you,” you said as your hands trailed down his chest to his abdomen.

Rowan’s eyes widened slightly. “Baby, I wanna focus on you tonight,” he said sweetly.

“No, but I want it to be equal,” you whined, hands pulling up the straps of your dress to make your point.

Rowan laughed lightly. “Baby, it’s easier for me. Let me take care of you first, yeah?”

You eyed him for a moment before conceding. “Okay, yeah. But, um…” you started, looking away from him.

“What is it, baby?” He tilted his head towards you.

You felt blush creep up your cheeks. “I haven’t, um, done anything in a long time. So it might take a while… and you might have to be really gentle, if you know what I mean,” you said quietly, not being able to look him in the eye.

Rowan smiled at you and took your hand in his. “That’s okay, baby. We’ll go as slow as we need to. I’m not in any rush.”

You looked up at him and tried to return his smile. “Okay. But if you get tired or bored or something, just tell me and we can stop, okay?”

Your boyfriend laughed. “I definitely don’t think I’m gonna get bored, baby. I don’t think you’ve learned yet that I’m attracted to you. A lot. I want to do this.”

The blush returned to your face and extended down your neck. “Oh, right. Well, still. Just let me know.”

Rowan smiled. “Okay, I will.”

“And Ro?”

“Yeah, baby?”

“Do you think, like if you want to, maybe you could take your shirt off? You don’t have to or anything, I just might feel a little more comfortable if we both–”

Before you could finish, Rowan was already ripping his top off in one swift motion. Your eyes trailed down his beautifully-toned body and you felt yourself beginning to salivate. You swallowed and forced yourself to look back up at his face.

“Cool. Um, thank you,” You stammered. “You look…nice.”

“Thank you, baby,” Rowan smiled as his hands found your waist again. “Do you feel more comfortable now?” Honestly, you felt a bit overwhelmed seeing just how out of your league your boyfriend was. You knew he was hot, but you couldn’t imagine he was this hot. Nevertheless, you knew your heart was beating rapidly due to excitement as opposed to fear, so you nodded at him. Rowan smiled at you and kissed your cheek, then trailed down to your jaw, and your neck, causing you to close your eyes and force yourself to calm down. It was still just the same old Rowan.

You exhaled and allowed yourself to fall back down on the bed, bringing Rowan down on top of you. Rowan whispered into your neck, “Just tell me if you want me to slow down.” You swallowed and nodded at him, still slightly nervous. You weren’t totally sure what to expect–you just hoped you would do a good job. You felt Rowan sucking on your neck and tried to let yourself melt into his touch. Rowan’s hand trailed toward your abdomen and you unintentionally sucked your stomach in, his touch tender. “You want me down here?” He asked.

You took a breath before nodding. “Yes,” you said strongly.

“Good job, baby.” You felt your pussy clench at his praise. Rowan’s hand trailed under your dress and traced the waistband of your underwear. You felt your muscles twitch involuntarily at his touch. “This okay?”

“Yeah,” you whispered. “Sorry, I’m not trying to be jumpy.”

Rowan gently rubbed your stomach. “It’s okay, baby. Just get used to my touch first.” You nodded into him and let your arms wrap around his muscular back, feeling his warm skin against yours. You took a few deep breaths as Rowan continued to place gentle kisses along your face and jaw.

Your boyfriend’s fingertips made their way to your hip bone and slowly crept under the elastic. “I’m not gonna do anything until you tell me to, okay?”

You nodded again, your voice difficult to find. You took one of your hands and placed it along Rowan’s jaw, guiding his mouth to yours. The kiss became immediately messy as you both were already turned on. Your tongues collided and your lips locked like they were each other’s air supply.

“Touch me,” you breathed into him. As Rowan’s fingers inched closer to your core, you felt more and more sensitive. You felt him reach your clit and slowly rub up and down, causing you to gasp into his mouth. Your insides clenched at the sensation.

“Okay?” he asked you.

“Yeah,” you said before grasping the back of his neck and pulling his mouth back to yours. Rowan experimentally circled his fingertip around the sensitive nub, putting slight pressure on it. Your back arched into him as you moaned into his mouth, urging him to continue. You couldn’t help but grind your hips up into his hand, creating just the right amount of pressure for your nerves. Arousal began to pool around your hole. “Feels good,” you whined.

“Yeah?” Rowan cooed, and you could feel him slowly grinding his cock onto your thigh. “My baby feels good?”

You nodded fervently. “Yeah. Want your fingers inside me.”

You felt Rowan’s crotch get harder at your words. He slid his fingers down your slit and rubbed around your slippery hole, preparing it for their entrance. He pushed his middle finger in and curled it up to caress your wall. A sound escaped your lips that you had never heard before, and your hand shot up to your mouth in embarrassment.

You saw a cheeky grin appear on Rowan’s face. “Don’t be embarrassed, baby. I love hearing how good you feel.” You slowly pulled your hand away and gripped the bedsheets below you. Rowan moved his finger back and forth to open you up, lewd sounds erupting from your pussy. You felt heat rise up your chest knowing you were making those sounds and you had no control over it. Rowan’s fingers were long enough to be able to reach that sensitive part inside you, and you couldn’t help but grind into his hand.

You tried to keep yourself from moaning, but strained sounds formed in your throat. “Okay, baby?” Rowan asked. You nodded and kept your lips sealed shut, afraid of what might come out. “Then let me hear you,” he whispered in your ear before kissing your neck.

You took a deep breath before pushing out, “Don’t. Wanna. Be loud.”

You felt Rowan smile into you. “It’s just you and me, baby. Just let it out. I promise you I’m gonna find it hot.” Rowan added another finger inside you, stretching you out more. You couldn’t hold back your strained moans when his thick fingers brushed against your g-spot.

“Fuck,” you moaned. You didn’t know your voice was able to go up that high, but you couldn’t stop yourself now. It didn’t seem like much, but you had never been so pleased in your life. The slow, deep thrusts of Rowan’s fingers made something primal arise in you, like an itch deep inside you that you didn’t know needed to be scratched so badly. “So. Good.” Your chest heaved up and down with each breath, sweat beginning to coat your forehead as your brow furrowed.

Rowan began to speed up his fingers as your hips struggled to keep up. Your knuckles were turning white from gripping the sheets and your toes curled. His fingers seemed to go deeper inside you and find a spot within you that you didn’t know existed. Your jaw dropped open as your moans mixed with your breathing.

“Oh god, right there, please,” you practically begged. Tears began to form in your eyes as you hoped with everything in you that he’d be able to get this feeling out of you. You could feel the vibrations of his groans in your neck as he curled his fingers faster. Your legs began to shake and your stomach started to swirl, a feeling so unfamiliar it almost scared you.

“Rowan,” you whined, reaching a hand up to grab at his bicep.

“I know, baby, I know. Just breathe. I got you,” Rowan cooed in your ear.

“Rowan, my tummy… it feels weird,” you moaned.

“It’s okay, baby. You’re almost there. Doing so well for me.” Rowan’s thumb reached up to circle your clit and your head fell deeper into the pillows. You didn’t know where your voice went. Your mind felt fuzzy and the warm feeling in your stomach was starting to grow.

“Breathe, baby,” Rowan urged you. You realized you had been forgetting to breathe, and inhaled the sweet air around you. Rowan pushed harder on your clit and leaned down to your ear. “Let go for me, baby. Let yourself go,” he whispered to you. A white light appeared through your closed eyes and you gripped Rowan’s arm tighter. Gasps escaped your throat as your legs shook and you felt the rubber band within your stomach snap. Arousal squirted out of you onto Rowan’s forearm, and he slowed his thrusts to bring you down from your high as your breathing began to even out.

You slowly opened your eyes to see Rowan looking lovingly down at you. You couldn’t even feel embarrassed. You grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him in for a sloppy kiss.

“Thank you,” you breathed out. “Thank you. Thank you.”

Rowan smiled and kissed you again. “You don’t have to thank me, baby.” He brushed your hair behind your ear. “Do you feel okay?”

“I feel more than okay,” you said, still catching your breath. “You don’t know how much I needed that. I didn’t think I could…”

Rowan rubbed your cheek with his thumb. “Of course you can. You just needed to feel comfortable.”

“It also helps that you’re really fucking good at that,” you giggled. “I didn’t know it could feel like that.”

Rowan smiled at you. “Well, I’m glad I could make you feel good.”

“Really fucking good.”

You suddenly realized what had conspired and looked down at Rowan’s arm to see it drenched in your fluids, the sheets around you damp. Your hands flew to your mouth.

“Oh my god, I am so sorry. That’s mortifying.”

Rowan glanced down in confusion to see what you were worried about. “What? Oh, no, baby, don’t be embarrassed. It’s totally normal. I actually find it really hot,” he said, looking back up at you.

“Really?” You questioned, finding it hard to believe.

“Really. Actually, it’s kind of embarrassing, but I was finding it really hard to keep it together. You just looked so fucking hot.” Rowan leaned down to kiss your cheek. “And those sounds you were making? God, I’ve never heard anything more sexy in my life.”

Your eyes widened and your hand tightened around your mouth as you remembered what you sounded like. “Oh, god,” you let slip through your fingers. “I can’t believe I did that.”

“It’s nothing to be ashamed of, baby,” Rowan said as he kissed your cheek again. “You should be proud that you sound that beautiful. Only for my ears, though.” He nipped at your earlobe and pulled back to see your dumbfounded expression. “What? I can’t be happy that my girlfriend looks and sounds like a fucking angel?”

“Oh my god, you need to stop right now, Ro,” you teased. “If anything, you’re the angel for what you just did.”

Rowan laughed. “Fine, we can both be angels, then. Now, let me go get something to clean you up.”

“Wait,” you protested, grabbing his arm. “What about you?”

“Oh,” Rowan looked away shyly. “I’m actually good.”

“What do you mean?” You asked, confused.