#mod snowfall

Carmilla (Witches X Warlocks) with the themes: Wish you were here + Just checking up on you

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My Darling, 

It’s been too long since I’ve last seen you in the human shop, it’s starting to worry me… You aren’t sick are you? I’ve been saving your regular herbs for you at the counter, but I think Mr. West is starting to get irritated about me “hiding them from paying customers” or something along those lines. You know how he is, haha. 

Anyway, I’ve missed you, my dear. No offense to Mr. West and my regulars, but it gets so boring without you stopping by. The seconds I spend away from you are starting to feel like centuries and trust me, I have lived through several centuries that could make watching paint dry seem like a more engaging way to spend my time. 

This is all to say that I hope you come back soon and I hope whatever is keeping you from me isn’t too serious.

Forever and always,

Carmilla 

looking for advice

is it ok if you don’t have triggers? i was sexually assaulted when i was really young, and the memories are only now starting to come back. i have nightmares about it all the time, but when i hear or see things that should trigger me i just kind of feel blank? like I just feel nothing at all. im worried that im making the whole experience up just to feel special, and im faking the whole thing-

Hey there! I really appreciate this ask, and I’m super glad you decided to reach out on this!

It is perfectly okay not to have triggers. Sometimes your brain just doesn’t associate anything in specific with the incident, and that’s totally okay! It doesn’t invalidate your trauma or experiences at all.

Some food for thought, though, on the topic of you not having triggers. You mentioned that things which “should trigger you” tend to make you “feel blank.” That could potentially be a trauma response, and those things could in fact be triggering you. Triggers don’t always result in flashbacks or visible upset, sometimes they make you feel empty or numb or emotionally disconnected.

If you feel like you don’t have any triggers, that’s okay! Not everyone has them, and they don’t make or break the validity of your trauma. Your trauma is enough, regardless of whether or not you have triggers to come along with it, nonny.

In terms of coping with the feeling of faking, my two primary suggestions are these:

• Write out reassurances, and keep them on-hand. Whenever you’re feeling like you’re faking, feel free to read them or think them and reassure yourself that your trauma was real and that it was enough to consider trauma

• Talk to those who have been through similar trauma! Talking to people who feel the way you do or have shared trauma experiences can be really good for reminding yourself that your trauma is relatable and real to others who have survived similar, and that can be really validating!

As for the nightmares, I have a few suggestions! Writing out your nightmares, talking about them with someone else, “rewriting the ending” of them to a more positive one, putting away all electronics an hour before bed, not having any heavy set food an hour before bed, making a change of bedroom scenery, keeping a stable bedtime routine, and using different relaxing scents before/during sleep are all things that can help improve sleep, and work to ease nightmares.

Don’t forget to treat yourself well! Thanks for stopping by, nonny!