#mod mentis

Much like any other of the floor realizations, this form of Roland stems from concentrated emotions that have risen up to the surface from underneath, and taken hold of him entirely.

Specifically emotions that happen to center around hollowness and loss. Failing to succeed in an action, which in turn rips and tears away at the inside and leaves only a husk. Emptiness that stems from having nothing, no friends, no loved ones, and ultimately not even yourself. To feel as though you’ve sunk to the lowest of low to the point you don’t exist anymore, only the perception of you does.

Despite this heavy turmoil he’s undergoing as well as the fact that his manifestation has stemmed from an ALEPH, I believe that given any circumstances outside of the floor realizations Mimicry Roland would be surprisingly easygoing.

I mean of course there’s gonna be some level of risk in interacting with him in such an unstable state, but I don’t believe there would be a large amount of aggressiveness or desire to lash out on others.

More than anything he’s just tired and hopeless. There really does seem to be nobody on his side and it clearly has taken a toll. No desire or motivation is left, it doesn’t even feel like he’s in control. It’s a melancholy indifferent feeling that saps at you.

For this reason he doesn’t even have motivation to fight. He might, but there’s not a desire or incentive to. Everything is just numb and there just doesn’t seem to be a reason.

Beware though, because this has potential to lead to possibly unpredictable behavior. He has the equal amount of power to react in a sudden way without remorse because the strong emotions have caused a lack of empathy.

However if you manage to approach him, he’s surprisingly reposed.

Going back on the feeling Roland has concerning the absence of others, I think that affection would actually be really sweet in the Mimicry form. He feels as though there’s no one for him to protect, and no one who really values him.

So I feel as though he’d actually enjoy it a lot. Nothing There does love attachment work after all, and if he’s going on about how he has no one anymore I think he would respond positively to an extent when you try and fill that role.

I say to an extent, because he’d also be confused. I mean he feels like a shell of his former self stripped of its original drive, but you just don’t care about that? I think it has something to do with him not feeling deserving of the care you give to him, so it perplexes him.

Just a warning: Mimicry Roland is clingy. Even if not physically, he’s constantly hanging out near you. He definitely got that from Nothing There, cause as much as an amalgamation that abnormality is it’s ultimately just a meat dog.

He’s lost loved ones and friends, and even though it’s unrealistic and quite literally impossible for you to die in the library, he’s still horrified that you’ll manage it somehow. He isn’t thinking rationally, and if he was he wouldn’t be in this form to begin with.

He follows you around the library like a lost puppy. He’ll try to help with what you’re doing and maybe sort some of the books, but his mind is cloudy and going a million miles a minute so it doesn’t really turn out successful.

You know that thing that dogs do? Not just dogs but any domestic animal. It’s where they sit right in front of you and just stare at you until you give them attention? Yeah, he does that.

I think he’s especially so drawn to you because of the care and concern you offer. He may feel hollow, but you’re offering something new. A warmth. And feeling empty all the time can kinda get boring.

Chances are you’ll have no idea what you’re getting into. You’ll hug him once, and then he’s constantly coming back for more. I hope you’re able to keep up with it.

Speaking of which, be careful of the teeth and spikes. While you don’t have to worry about him hurting you intentionally, it’s not gonna be pleasant if he gives you a bear hug and the hand mace stabs you.

Also a warning for your own sake: I hope you’re okay with the texture of flesh. As cuddly as he is, he is not really made out of cuddle material.

I don’t think he’s necessarily as blood-coated as some other forms, as it’s part of him rather than on him, but you’ll still probably feel like you need a cold shower afterwards.

Try and mind the eyes too, they aren’t sensitive because of Nothing There’s natural regenerative properties, but no one likes being poked in the eye.

While he will go along with you anywhere, it’s probably preferred that you stay relatively in one place. It’s a bit difficult to drag around a hand mace, and I don’t think anyone is gonna be happy about scratched up floors in the library because the teeth spikes were being dragged.

A lot depends on whether he’s in his first or third form. In his first form, he actually has at least one hand, whereas in the third form Roland’s arm becomes a giant scythe and a danger hazard.

He’ll be happy to hold onto you in the first form. Unless it’s impairing your movement, he’ll try to have his hand on your shoulder, arm, back etc. at all times. He does not like the feeling of not being in your presence.

If you want to you can try to hold his hand. I think he’d appreciate it a lot, but you’ll have to beware that his nails don’t dig into you. He’s also very firm with his grip, you can tell that as vacant as he feels there’s an at least subconscious fear of letting go.

I think he would get a bit upset with himself if he accidentally ended up hurting you. As close as he tries to stay to you, he tries to be as careful as can be. However, accidents can happen especially when you have a lot of sharp objects sticking out of you.

He’s worried that if you get injured you’ll get upset at him, turn away, and he’ll be alone once again.

But you reassure Roland that’s not the case. I mean your whole job is getting into brawls, something as small as bumping into a spike really isn’t that big of a deal.

He subsequently engulfs you in a large hug, this time making sure there’s no mistake.

I believe he can mimic speech just as Nothing There could. It’s kind of creepy at times, especially when you hear your own voice or the voices of your colleagues coming from him, but you know it isn’t intended to be that way.

It’s more of ‘hey look at this cool thing I can do’ and he’s trying to impress you.

…It is pretty impressive.

He does say 'I love you' a lot. Exactly the one that Nothing There says to be precise. It's a bit odd to hear something so associated with the abnormality to come out of his mouth, but you appreciate it nonetheless.

If he’s in his third form I will say that you’re probably going to have to initiate the affection more. He would if it was safe, but now he has a whole scythe for an arm and it’s awkward to move around and he doesn’t want to run the risk of accidentally cutting you.

But it’s pretty easy to just make yourself comfortable beside him and lean on him. And he loves it.

As confident and put together Gebura is, something she’s unfamiliar with is affection.

Both in the past as the Red Mist, and during Lobotomy Corporation, she, like many others, was exposed to a lot of danger and cruelty. In such, it’s only natural that you grow to suppress affection and certain forms of emotion in fear of it leading to weakness.

Now, Gebura, like the other Patron Librarians, has improved and grown a lot from her past lives. That being said, there is still going to be that wall built up, even if unintentional, that you’ll need to tumble down.

I mean, you’re taught in the City 'emotions are bad’ for a living and now suddenly you’re cuddling and sharing romantic moments with someone you feel deeply for?

This will be one of the few times you see this woman actually hesitant in her actions. Not because she’s against the affection, but simply because it’s new territory for her to explore.

You’re like a guide to her. Though Gebura is seen as a mentor to many others, it’s finally your turn to teach her something new. And honestly? It’s nice to switch things up.

You might have to take things slowly initially, but I don’t think it’d last too long before you can be affectionate to your fullest. Gebura learns fast, and she adapts quickly too.

She might compliment you out of the blue, but she's for some reason surprised when you do.

You think she'd be used to praise considering her previous life as the Red Mist, but it's just different from you.

Probably because those compliments come from a point of romantic interest rather than idolization. Though you very well might look up to her too.

This might be the first time the other librarians actually see her flustered. If you manage to sneak up on her and hold her tightly, or rest your head on her, or give her a quick kiss while in front of someone else she’ll probably freeze up for a second and blink.

It’s funny to you, and probably a rooted memory in others for the scarceness of the scene. She’ll gain composure quickly after but the surprise on her face is almost unforgettable.

I imagine towards the beginning of your public affections she may not fully react in a reciprocating way, but not because she doesn’t reciprocate. Instead, after being flustered she simply doesn’t know how to react, so she just lets you hold onto her and she continues going on about whatever it is she was saying.

However, as Gebura begins to get used to your personality and ease into it more, she’ll probably wrap an arm around you as well before responding to the situation. She’ll return the affection even if briefly.

She’s not shy, ashamed, or frustrated when you openly display your care for her when others are present. In fact, she’s the exact opposite. It isn’t one of those ‘I can’t have my colleagues see me all loving like this’ situations, she could care less what they think.

She loves you, and people will know it, damn it. Even though she isn’t actively yelling ‘THIS IS MY S/O’ it’s clear she holds fondness for you and if someone is even slightly judgemental they will be quickly corrected.

I mean she ran the disciplinary team after all.

It doesn’t even matter if she’s not used to the affection yet, if someone shows a slight hint of disapprovement over you two, she will immediately snap out of her surprised state and hold you firmly just to really hammer in that she is not ashamed.

When she becomes more familiar with the concept of expressing her care, you will absolutely know. The tables have turned, and now she’s the one coming up to you and holding you close.

This also follows throught with more frequent compliments. They're earnest and mean a lot to you. Be it something on how skilled you are, or even just saying "You look great today."

I don't think she's too likely to be the type of person to shower you in compliments, but rather to savor the times she does compliment you because she believes they have more impact in saving them and expressing them from the bottom of her heart.

Gebura is a tall woman, no doubt about it, and if you happen to be shorter she’s definitely the type of person to come up behind you and rest her head on your neck.

If you’re taller, then you still get the same treatment except she might place her head on your arm instead. Everyone is equal, no exceptions.

A lot of the time this happens when you’re sorting books.

Speaking of which, working at the library can be really exhausting. Your version of work is dueling to death until either you or the enemy become pages in a book. And even though you’re basically immortal so long as you’re part of the library, it’s tiring nonetheless.

So a lot of the time after a reception you might come up to Gebura and both of you will just rest on the couch in the Floor of Language for a while.

She has long hair, and a lot of it. And as someone who also has long hair, I can tell you that it can be a LOT to maintain and more of a chore if anything. I don’t think she’d particularly care about styling it herself, but it’d be a whole different story if you did.

Just running your hands through her hair, helping brush it, and if you know how, braiding it or arranging it in some style is so soothing. It helps after long days and can quickly put Gebura to sleep.

She looks peaceful when asleep too. If you were there during Lobotomy Corporation, which you probably were considering you’re most likely a librarian, it seemed as though the Sefirot couldn’t catch a break. Honestly you didn’t even know if they got chances to rest. They were kinda 'robots' at the time, and they sure couldn’t just go back home.

So seeing her able to take a break is a nice change of pace.

Oh! And if you have hair long enough and enjoy it, she will absolutely do the same for you. Whether it’s long enough to braid, or she’s only able to brush through it, if you’re okay with it she would love to return the affection.

And even if she can’t play with your hair like you do with hers, be it yours is too short, or you’re just uncomfortable with it, then I’m sure she’ll find a different way to reciprocate.

I like to imagine that she gives amazing bear hugs. I mean she’s strong, and she absolutely can pick you up and spin you around.

In reality she probably has great control over her strength, but the idea that she accidentally squeezes you too tight to the point you can’t breathe is just too good of an idea to pass up.

I’d say she’s a teddy bear, but I don’t think that does it justice. More like a ripped Djungelskog.

As equally relaxing as a tea break would be, you likely have to know what you’re getting yourself into beforehand. If you aren’t prepared for abstract conversations and talks that don’t really come to a solid conclusion it can be an almost daunting task.

But considering you’ve been invited to have tea in the first place it’s almost certain you’ve had your fair share of her philosophical rambles, as well as participated in them yourself.

You’d concluded the first reception of the day, managing to get out in one piece and sort through the appropriate books. Never before did you have such a great understanding of alphabetical order until now.

For a brief period of time this left you free up until the next reception, which wouldn’t be until a couple hours. Or that’s the estimated time- considering the guests come here of their own ‘will’ you never really know when they’ll show up.

If you’re part of the philosophy floor, Binah will approach you herself and invite you for some tea. If you’re on another floor, however, one of the librarians from the philosophy floor will visit and relay some cryptic vague message of “Binah wants to see you.”

Rumors and myths can spread like wildfire, and for the librarians who were never assigned to the extraction team she’s like an omnipresent and menacing being. With that said, your poor colleagues might fear for your life, or start preparing a funeral early.

In reality you’re perfectly fine, greeted with the faint aroma of black tea and old as well as new pages.

There’s an empty seat waiting for you, as well as a fresh cup atop a platter, filled with the reddish amber tea. You know it’s part of a tea break by definition, but still the sentiment of brewing some for you to come back to after work was deeply appreciated.

Not only that, but when you take a sip it’s precisely to your liking. Whether you wanted anything added, or preferred the drink by itself, she was very careful in preparation.

The scenery is quite beautiful too. While each floor has its own breathtaking sights which differ greatly, the almost endless night sky stretching across the ceiling really adds a sense of ambience.

Binah speaks a lot on the perception of things, much as you’d expect from the patron librarian on a floor dedicated to philosophy. It’s not necessarily searching for right and wrong, but expanding on reason and the different ways things could be approached, even if they seem unrealistic in the city.

To be invited to one of these breaks means that she values your opinions, whether they may differ or are similar, and what you can add to the conversation. While not necessary, it would make a lot of sense if you had a rich history that had taught you a lot of moral lessons, but hadn’t pushed you over the edge.

Actually to contradict that last statement, it would probably be interesting as well if you didn’t come from a complex background. Someone who holds an almost fresh palette, and whose opinions might not be skewed a certain direction by past experiences.

It’s also relieving to speak to someone who just sees her as who she is now. Binah is very aware of her intimidating and mysterious nature, and she does use that to her advantage and enjoyment sometimes, but it can be a bit of a nuisance sometimes.

That as well as the Arbiter questions. Not to say it isn’t expected, I mean the moment she says who she was in a previous life it’s basically asking to pry deeper into it. It can be fun to lead people into loops and see them try to unravel any potential information they get, but just as with the fear people experience, it can get mundane.

Especially if they refuse to stop pressing for information. First of all, doing that and attempting to irritate Binah is a death wish. Second, if you believe with utmost certainty that she really knows anything, even though she’s expressed that she lacks the knowledge, your persistence just makes you look foolish.

Someone like that is probably moved to a different floor.

…After some abnormalities happen to ‘accidentally’ escape from the pages and terrorize them. Yeah, I think we all know who did that. No, no one’s going to say anything. No one is risking that.

So with that said, if you treat her with a sense of mutuality as you would a friend rather than another wonder in the library you will have great gratitude in return.

Sometimes it feels as if the topics you’re talking about feel unreal, although they very much are. You’ve just been locked in the library for so long that you’ve lacked a personal reminder of just what the outside world is like.

It’s like you’re observing everything from above, and you sometimes wonder if this is how Binah feels when she seems to ‘watch from afar’ before joining in on a battle.

You may run out of things to talk about yourself on these tea breaks. Considering Binah doesn’t retain any memories of her working for the head, and likely probably personal and childhood memories outside of the laborious and repetitive cycles of Lobotomy Corporation, you’re kind of on the stage here.

Though by nature she makes quite the listener. You won’t feel unheard or talked over, which makes a great opportunity for those who yearn to speak whether for reasons that they’re talked over or naturally quieter people.

She might recount her and Gebura’s fight long ago though, and if she does she is absolutely smug about it. You can tell from the little smirk on her face as she sips from her tea, and the tone in her voice.

While they are definitely better about each other now, if Gebura was there you’d be certain that old rivalry would flame up again for one last time and she’d probably try to sock her across the face.

If you ever run out of things to talk about, at least at the moment, you can always talk about your latest reception or the books you read and sorted through! There’s always interesting content in there, and while it does feel a bit like a privacy violation at times, it is your job so either way you have to do it.

You’ll discuss things like people’s motives, why they might’ve taken said actions, why someone might have wronged them, and more. Though you both agree that ultimately as you aren’t that person, you’ll never really know nor be able to make a decision based just on some pages of them.

When it’s time for you to get back to the next reception, she’ll gladly take your empty tea cup, bid you farewell and indirectly invite you back.

Now realistically I would not recommend approaching Roland in this state, as he would most definitely attempt murder as predicted. However this is fiction and I’m gonna say that somehow you managed to approach him in a state where he’s calm enough to put the murderous tendecies on a hold.

That being said, the behavior and reason for him to manifest the E.G.O Cobalt Scar still stands. An individual who’s filled with so much grief and anger that results in rampaging behavior, and a vast gluttonous hole inside that seems to never be able to be filled. Someone who feels as though his fate is predetermined, and bound to fill the violent role as expected. There’s a lack of hope for change.

While this ‘hunger’ he experiences is most likely metaphorical, given that the influence from Big and Will be Bad Wolf is big enough, it might actually be enough to sate him temporarily with some actual food. With this distraction, it may allow you to get closer, just as you would feed an actual wild animal to gain their trust.

Say this works and you’re actually able to get close. First of all, great! This might imply that other realizations can be dealt or aided in ways outside of violence… but that’s not really the point.

The point is: you see how fluffy this half-wolf form is, and you can hardly resist the reckless urge to pet it. What? The library doesn’t really allow pets, and you haven’t been able to experience the enjoyment of animals in quite some time.

Obviously when you begin to creep closer to Roland, he is immediately defensive. If you don’t have something in your hand to give him then I really doubt he’s gonna do anything else other than swipe at you. Have a snack with you at all times. Where to get it? Just pull it out of a book, there has to be one nearby. After all, it’s not like Chesed just gets his coffee out of nowhere.

And when I say bring food, I mean A LOT. Big and Will be Bad Wolf is known for their starved nature for a reason. If you can somehow convince one of your fellow librarians to help, I recommend it. Though you’ll probably have to be very charismatic for someone to follow you in this plan.

He makes a lot of sudden movements so be careful with that. Even if he isn’t intending to hurt you, he might jump or lunge towards something you give him and that can result in some injury. I also imagine that the tail probably thrashes around a lot, might have to watch out for that because as fluffy and soft as it may be, it’s equal in nature to a whip and it hurts.

So you get close enough to him, whether he notices or he’s too focused and singled on the gifts you have for him to really have a sense of spatial awareness you don’t really know. But you plant a hand on the fur of him, and he freezes for a second.

Honestly you’re preparing to lose your head. Yet you execute the plan you had, even if poorly, and just toss him something else to eat. And it works?? Something tells you that it really shouldn’t and every moment you’re standing here is numbered.

You make slow movements, raking your hand through the hair and fur of Roland softly. Now the blood covered parts are pretty nasty, but if you avoid those spots it’s actually surprisingly smooth? The fur is tangled in some spots, specifically in places with lots of movement, but you can tell that’s not the natural texture.

It’s thick too, especially in his hair, but that’s not a negative whatsoever, there’s just a lot of it. When you sink your hand in it, it almost gets lost if you didn’t happen to have an arm connected to it.

Speaking of hands, you’re probably gonna need to wash them after this. As lovely as wolf Roland is, he’s also covered in blood splatters and that’s gonna get on the books and that’s all gonna be a big mess.

But you knew what you were getting into the moment you devised a plan to get where you are in the first place.

There’s enough fur to wrap around yourself like a blanket and fall asleep in, and you’re starting to consider the idea.

DO NOT TOUCH HIS EARS. Unless you get really, really lucky, or Cobalt Scar Roland is a normal occurrence and you somehow get trust through the distortion-like mentality then you will probably die. They’re sensitive, but also he hears through them so he might misinterpret it as you trying to attack a weak spot. Either way I’m just saying the reaction is probably not gonna be in your favor.

But generally I think that at least some part of him would enjoy the petting. Big and Will be Bad Wolf enjoyed attachment work, and while they’re not the same entity it’s clear that Roland has been influenced by the abnormality. If you’re careful with the approach and aren’t super aggressive you might get lucky.

I still recommend having something distracting him at all times, but I think the friendly touch offers some form of comfort even if subconsciously. He may lean into it without realizing, or the quick and abrupt movements will slow down.

It doesn’t fill the hole or hunger that caused him to manifest in this werewolf-like form in the first place, but it does feel warm. Maybe even a bit relieving under all of the frustration. I think that while your main intention is just to enjoy petting him, it does actually help even slightly.

He’s still impulsive and violent, especially when you decide to depart and he goes back to his previous state, but at the moment he’s calm to an extent.

While it doesn’t erase the problem, having someone to sit alongside you and relax while all these emotions are welling up offers a bit of hope out of the isolation.

Roland speaks in the realization about being perceived a specific way even before you take action, and fulfilling that role because everyone expects you too and there’s no hope in changing what they think. You can probably see the symbolism in that and the ‘big bad wolf’ story tale.

So to not be treated as a rampaging beast (even though he was kinda trying to murder people so you can’t blame them for self defense) contradicts the idea that he will only ever be seen as one way.

He’s not thinking straight at the moment, but this does impact him and the feeling sticks with him when he returns to normal.

Now then, for the giant paw hands. Those are… Well they’re a bit difficult to describe. While the first choice is to just say they’re soaked in gore, they’re also just textured a bit differently from the rest of his wolf features? You can’t really tell if some of it is just naturally red or not.

Fret not, they still feel like normal paws though. Very sharp, but paws nonetheless. If you somehow get your hands on one of these I’m impressed. Much like the ears, hands are really vital to function and I think he’d be extra aware of them.

I’d suspect this would happen after you two are sitting there for a while, just petting him gently until there’s a visible decrease in stress and tension. You’ll have to be patient, but eventually you might be able to reach out and grab one of those oversized paws.

Yes, the bottom of them feel like paw pads, and yes you can squish them.

They’re also extremely large?? I mean it’s clear from a distance, and even more so up close, but when you place your own plan in the middle of them or trace the creases with a finger it really dawns on you how giant they are.

Like if he were to close his hand right now you would lose sight of your hand and a large portion of your upper arm.

If you’re feeling even more reckless, which let’s be fair you are because you’re doing this in the first place, you might take a look at the claws. They are sharp, but not razor sharp. You won’t hurt yourself holding them, but the danger lies in the strength behind sweeping a wound up arm.

This is likely as a result from some dulling from using them in battle. It happens to metal weapons just as much as it happens to natural ones.

Overall it’s a relaxing experience if you don’t mind the risk, and so long as you don’t run out of food.