#mod deryn

Hey all,

It’s Mod Deryn here. Two things - first, I’m changing my name to Em, and use she/her pronouns only now. So, that’s a thing. Secondly, I’m stepping down as a moderator now. While I’m still going to be around behind the scenes and maybe answering the occasional question or two, I am stepping down from my official capacity as a mod, meaning that I’ll only rarely answer questions and really serve more as an administrator than a mod.

Turns out school is busy! Who knew? And between that, my involvement with several volunteer organizations and applying for jobs and scholarships, I just don’t have enough hours in the day to do everything I want to do (which includes this). I’m still around, though, and while I no longer have a personal Tumblr, you’re always welcome to message the blog and say hi!

Hey there!

I’d say to go for it! There’s nothing inherently wrong with a factual description and is absolutely something most people would notice. It makes sense for an omniscient narrator to comment on something like that, and it does a nice job of subverting typical presentation/gender expectations.

Basically - go for it!

Hi!

Deryn here. Personally, even if it is cliche, any scene that’s written genuinely and from the heart can be sweet and romantic (and, I mean, some scenes are tropes for a reason - they work).

Also, asking for consent is awesome, no matter what. It can even add to the anticipation and the nose bump can be a release of tension while still adding to the romance of the moment, because it’s realistic. That lets your readers relate more to it, because what first kiss isn’t completely awkward?

Hey!

I, Deryn, a Lesbian, Grant You the Right to Have Twenty Such Characters in your Story.

Hello!

First off, polygamous is sort of an outdated term and usually only refers to one man marrying multiple women for various reasons, so we use polyamory instead, as an umbrella term and also a generally more widely-accepted term.

In terms of your question - essentially, you just want to make sure that it’s clear that they all love each other equally, and that there is nothing where it’s essentially like ‘I was with so-and-so first so I get to choose where we go for our date’ or whatnot.

What you already have - with your matchmaker falling in love with their intended match-mades at the same time they fall in love with their matchmaker - sounds like it could be a very cute premise for a story, and I don’t see anything inherently difficult there.

While I can’t think of any published novels with similar plotlines, this fic is an example of a rather well-done established couple falling in love with a third, and the third falling in love with them as well (at least, in my opinion).

I hope this helped!

Hi there!It really depends on the agender person and their personal relationships with gendered words. Agender folks have varying experiences - I know some who will use any pronouns or words, some who only use words that are seen as gender-neutral, whereas some use pronouns and words that are generally perceived as gendered one way or another (including myself, as I primarily use she/her pronouns, though I do use they/them pronouns as well). So, in short, it really depends on the character, their relationship to their gender, and to gendered words, and their own personal identity and worldview. What may be just fine and dandy for one person could be the ultimate misgendering for another, despite the fact that they share the same identity label.Think about your character, how they understand their gender, and from there, you can work to see what works for them.Any person can use any pronouns or gendered words, regardless of identity - it’s all based on personal preference. Good luck, and apologies for the late complete response! -Mod Deryn

I’ve also heard “renny” used as a gender-neutral alternative to parent? But I agree that it’s okay as long as the individual being referred to is fine with it. 

EDITED

Hi there!

So, internalized homophobia is a thing that a lot of LGBT+ folks experience - basically, its where, because of the fact that a lot of society is - subtly or not-so-subtly - homophobic, and after a while, it’s natural to absorb that. Coupled with the fact that your character had previously bad experiences with regards to her sexuality, it does make sense for her to be a bit upset about it, and nervous about this new relationship (especially if it is her first relationship with another gal).

Internalized homophobia takes time to work through, and it can be hard to disregard it, even in later stages of a relationship, but it can be done! Your character will likely need time to work through it, but things such as support from her girlfriend, other friends, and the LGBT+ community at large will likely help.

Best of luck writing, and apologies for the previous lack of a thorough response!

Hi there!

The ‘bury your gays’ trope exists only if you kill off all your queer characters. Let’s say that again. The ‘bury your gays’ trope exists only if you kill off ALL your queer characters.

Killing off one character is alright, as long as you don’t kill everyone of any minority. The same applies to killing off all your black characters, left-handed characters... whatever. The problem is when you kill off all of your minority characters who are x.

Moving onto your question about making your bisexual character go from a f/f to a m/f relationship, it’s not wrong or bad at all! Bisexuality is literally defined as attraction to two or more genders, so it makes sense that she’d be attracted to someone of a different gender. If anything, it’s good that you’re showing that your character’s bisexuality is not invalidated by who they choose to fate.