This blog has been running for a few years now I think, and as Mod Mayhem and I have mentioned a few times, it has dwindled to just him and I. Weāve made a lot of progress in the last few months getting through the inbox and have it under 50 now, which is great. With that being said, I have some things Iād like to get off my chest.
As he and I have mentioned before, we both work full time and have disabilities, and if Iām remembering right Mayhem is also acting as a carer for a family member. In the last 9 months, Iāve also had two deaths in the family (and due to my line of work I got less than one day off total to sit at home and be sad about it) and moved 700 miles away from almost everyone I know.
My health is deteriorating. I work in death care, and I spend 40 hours a week shouldering the grief of strangers. It is mentally, physically, and emotionally exhausting. The things I see on a daily basis have resulted in compassion fatigue. I then come home and care for my animals, leaving me with enough time to sit on the couch or pace around the house until itās past when I should be going to bed and maybe some days I go through a few questions if I can get myself to do it. Working on this blog has been a labor of love. We get nothing out of it except the pride of helping people whose shoes we were in a long time ago.
See, both Mayhem and I began our transitions well over 5 years ago and the truth of that is that we donāt remember a lot of things about early transition. I donāt remember what it was like to bind. The last time I had to wear a binder was over 5 years ago. I donāt remember what some things about starting hormones were like. I havenāt felt that nervousness in 6 years. Itās been 6 years since I came out and I donāt remember much about what that timeframe was like for me besides being sad and stressed.
Additionally, some of the questions we get are so hyper specific that it would require me to research the topic extensively just to give the asker an answer, which is something I feel the asker should be doing to start with. I end up staring at an ask box full of questions I donāt know how to answer and then i wind up feeling defeated.
This blog started to answer HRT related questions. We simply cannot answer questions about travel, insurance, passing, clothing recommendations, binding recommendations, some variation on an extant surgery that you heard of once, because we have either already talked about it at length or itās beyond the scope of what we, as two individuals who have very busy lives, can answer.
Please google your questions first. Do some research and if nothing comes up, try searching our blog. If there is still not answer on it, then try asking us but please take into consideration that we might not have an answer either.
I canāt help you with suicidal thoughts, or issues with your personal mental illness, or your disordered eating, even if it vaguely comes back to being transition related. It puts a lot of stress on us to receive messages like this. If you are feeling suicidal or have concerns about eating disorders/mental illness related stuff please talk to a trusted friend or a doctor or a suicide hotline. I cannot be responsible for your wellbeing like that. Itās too much.
Iām trying to add some mods who want to tag things for us, and once I do I desperately need to take a step back from this project. I will be back, but I need to be able to exist on the planet without feeling guilty about questions we havenāt answered. I need to be able to work on my mental health and physical health and part of that is reducing stress.
Iām sorry if Iāve let you guys down at all. This blog will always exist, but there could be a time when it is just an archive. For now, Mayhem will still be answering things, and at the end of February Iāll be back and hopefully refreshed enough to power through more of the inbox.
