I never post selfies, and I'm trying to build self confidence š š

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I never post selfies, and I'm trying to build self confidence š š

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So Iām mixed...
and I love it! My mother is Italian and my father is Black, and I love how I turned out; big curly dark hair, beautiful caramel skin, along with a lot of other features Iāve come to love. And I wanted to show it off for Blackout, but recently a friend of mine, who is fully black, told me I donātĀ ālook like a sisterā and therefore donāt understand and shouldnāt participate. How am I supposed to take that??
My whole life Iāve had to explain my background, because people tended to assume Iām Latina or just a tan white girl with a booty and a perm. It also didnāt help that my mother is a very traditional Italian woman, who always told meĀ āYou are what youāre mother is, so youāre not black youāre Italian.ā Ouch. And so as a kid I struggled with where I belonged or what IĀ āidentifiedā as, especially when I had to check those boxes on standardized tests that ask you to pick ONE ethnicity. I also have cousins on my dadās side who are black and Polish, and they look more mixed than I do, with slightly darker skin and coiled hair, which used to make me feel really bad about myself.
In middle school I always got hit with theĀ āyou donāt act black/whiteā cracks from kids, which made making friends hard. The stereotyping got worse when my parents sent me to a private, catholic, all-girls high school on a scholarship. There, I was a strange commodity, whose hair was to be touched without my permission by anyone, and I was the subject of a lot of teasing, and some girls automatically assumed I was ghetto and wouldnāt talk to me because I might turn into an angry black girl. Even some of the few black girls that went there seemed to go out of their way to fit in with the majority, even hating on my natural hair.Ā
Then finally when I started college this year I met more people like me, who recognized me as mixed right away and it was the best feeling ever. One guy walked up to me one day and said,Ā āYour hair, I love it. Youāre mixed right? Me too girl. Black and what?ā And after I told him, he saidĀ āGood for you, most mixed girls with non-black moms donāt know how to take care of their curls but yours look amazing!ā And for the first time ever I felt like I really belonged to a community of people like me.
What my friend failed to realize that even though I may not be fully black, Iāve taken a lot of shit for being what I am, and she of all people should understand what itās like to be judged by her skin. Mixed people are a minority too and I felt as though it is my job to speak up.
Mixed race pride.
Iāve posted about this before but Iām gonna try again: I feel this website has very negative view of mixed race/biracial/dual heritage people, but only when the person/group concerned is of white and black mix. A lot of tumblr racial politics recently has been to do with āblackoutā and the arguments for a 'whiteoutā; also, there has also been calls for 'brownā girls/boys/they to be more confident in a world where white people are considered as the most beautiful people. I, personally, do not like being called brown. That is a personal thing. But I donāt think the fact that tumblr regularly forgets people of dual+ heritage in favour of keeping things simple is personal; Iāve spoken to my white friends that use tumblr, and they agree with me. I just saw a post about non-white people being able to have blue eyes with a note at the bottom saying: āand they donāt have to be mixed race at all!!!ā - or something to a similar effect. It came across as very aggressive. Now I donāt know if it was made by a 'non-whiteā person who is angry at the treatment of people who do not benefit from the mostly white feudal system of society (which I must say is, particularly is America, abysmal and vile and barbaric) or it was made by a white person who wanted to show their solidarity for every race. What I do know is that the end note of that post was made with venom and that is not what we should be spreading throughout a website which has been shown to mould the views of people. As mentioned above, I have only spoken to white peers about this issue, and this is because I do not have many PoC friends. This is a fact. I am a minority, even compared to Black and Asian people. Remember, this post is mostly personal to me. I think the reason the lack of mixed representation on this website surprises me is because I always think of tumblr as a safe place where everyone can be theirselves. I feel like there is a certain 'aestheticā you have to fit to be a part of this community, and that aesthetic is an outcast, but even as an outcast, I still feel ostracised. I feel like this whole mentality stems from the idea of racial purity and not mixing skin colour (similar to Death Eaters in Harry Potter); it is as much the fault of the white community as it is the Black community. I never see posts about white and Caribbean girls or African and white people, and it upsets me that most of the people on this site are annoyed at the fact that mixed race people have always been stereotyped as being 'desirableā which is a construct of society, yet people like me are being blamed for being born with a skin colour that people arenāt used to, even less that black skin. Now I know this slight 'oppressionā is nowhere near as devastatingly awful racism against black people is, but it has been bugging me for a while now. We need mixed pride, and we need role models. Mariah Carey, Halle Berry, Thandie Newton, Dwayne Johnson, Tiger Woods, Vanessa Williams, Lenny Kravitz, Sherri Saum. All of these gorgeous, strong, independent people we should look up to. I used to be feel very weird about being darker than my friends, having curly hair, having a flatter wider nose but now Iām starting to feel good about being different. And I feel tumblr only promotes certain types of difference. Iām starting to fall in love with myself and my body and itās time everyone else biracial should too.
I was just scrolling down Tumblr as usual when I saw a post saying thatĀ āPeople who are mixed with white and black, they only defend their black side and not their white side.āĀ
As a person who is mixed with Puerto Rican, Black, White, and a little Native American, I can tell you why. As you can see, Iām mixed with more ethnicities that has darker skin that my white side meaning Iām already a darker shade. So when Iām getting racial comments itās not towards my white side because they donāt see it. All they see is a blackĀ āghettoā hoodlum with long hair that is probably weave. (Which is not and which Iām not).Ā
Thatās why I canāt defend white privilege because I donāt know what the hell that is. My dad is waaay lighter than me because heās Puerto Rican and White but he still has that tan shade so he doesnāt know what that is. My grandma is just White but she has a urban accent if you will ,so sheās just a traitor in their eyes.Ā
So when you see me posting about Black Pride, know that thatās the only thing I know because thatās what everyone see me as other than a mixed race human being.Ā
ain't enough time for u to hate ur hair because white people been tellin u it ain't good

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blackout?
~*~*ghanaian princess stuck in the suburbs šš»š #BlackOutDay / #BlackFriday / #BlackOut / #TheBlackOut /#Black Selfie Day
"every drift is a bad drift with your dad watchin you masturbate to striker action figure" OMG CAN YOU NOT?! CUZ I CANT!
itās who iĀ really am