#mistrusting

Your hands are in my heart strings, strumming me into complacency, I no longer feel the urgency to run and hide or kick and scream. Just when you remind me that I haven't caught you lying, that you're a good partner for me, I start to wonder why.

I am slow, thinking in broken images.

He becomes dull, trusting to his clear images;

I become sharp, mistrusting my broken images.

Trusting his images, he assumes their relevance;

Mistrusting my images, I question their relevance.

Assuming their relevance, he assumes fact;

Questioning their relevance, I question the fact.

When the fact fails him, he questions his senses;

When the fact fails me, I approve my senses.

He continues quick and full in his clear images;

I continue slow and sharp in my broken images.

He in a new confusion of his understanding;

I in a new understanding of my confusion.

The Giving Tree. A foolish giving tree... Laughter, smiles, and happy moments. Crying, sorrow, and sad moments. We've been through it all. My mind is a tornado. Whirling in destruction, confusion, and lost in the category of nature. My smile that appeared when we both felt this feeling called happiness. My comfort that calmed you down in the worse times. My warmth that was there whenever you needed it, but now that I realize your truth; you were the one who tossed water to my fire. What happened? Was it envy? Competition? I let you use me, because I thought you needed someone. I feel bad for you. When your friends see the true side of you; you will come back to me. I will accept you willingly, although our relationship will NEVER be the same. Four years. I thought you were one of them... I've had my intuition tell me something, but I just never believed them. I didn't want to believe them. We've had so many great memories, that the betrayal and usage you acted couldn't overpower them. I was foolish to think you were one of the best. You are merely one of them. One of the regular people of the world. One of the people who would take any opportunity to receive benefits only for themselves. You've had me tricked for a while, but now that I come to realization, I will always trust my first thought about you. I forgive you for everything you've done. But, I will never forget the damage you caused to my trust for you. You'll never make me feel this foolish again. How could you give such an embrace that felt so real...? Right after school... came the summer with no conversations like before. It seems like you've erased me. I no longer exist in your world. The only time I do, is when I get in between you and your strive to be the best. I don't know how you can easily just forget someone you are friends with and remember them again once you need something. But, I now know... deep in my mind, that I will not fall to your level. I will simply accept someone if they are better than me, and work harder to achieve goals for MYSELF. I would not fool anyone just to have opportunity for myself. Your strive for the best is merely the strive for nothing. Your best does not exist. The process that gets you to the best always matters. The result does not matter if its process was through the wrong. Let me make this clear. I am not angry at you. For all I know, the knowledge I know could be a misunderstood conflict. Our relationship as friends is just no longer existing. We are now officially acquaintances, even if you do not realize it. I have shown you the truth. Thank you for our experiences. They have shown me great knowledge.