#mistletoinks

Tine finally admitted defeat. He knew that, in some ways, his Mom was right. Type, his older brother, loved school and had lots of friends even though he was so quiet. If Type could do it, Tine could too.

“Okay.” Tine adjusted his backpack straps and wiped away his tears with the back of his hand. “I’m going to be brave today.”

“I never doubted you for a second.” His Mom responded as she stood to her full height again before gently pushing him through the door. “I’ll be here to pick you up later. I can’t wait to hear about your first day.”

As Tine walked into the classroom, children were already hustling and bustling everywhere. He took another deep breath in and headed toward a row of hooks where he hung up his backpack and changed into his indoor shoes.

One half of the classroom had a bunch of toys that students were playing with while the other part had comfy looking bean bags and a big colourful carpet. In the far corner, though, there was a little nook where a boy was sitting on his own. He was studying what looked to be a xylophone and was very focused on his examination. Tine felt instantly at ease, even just by looking at the fellow student and found himself gravitating toward him.

Tine crossed the classroom but didn’t want to disturb whatever the boy was doing. He silently sat a few feet away from his peer to observe him. A few moments went by and Tine felt himself relaxing. The boy didn’t even seem to notice him as he was so engrossed in his activity.

But then, suddenly, he looked up and held out the instrument toward Tine, “Do you want a turn?”

Tine wasn’t sure how to respond so he just slowly nodded and took the xylophone from the boy. The boy looked at him expectantly so Tine lifted the mallet and dropped it against the keys. The sound that it emitted wasn’t horrible but it wasn’t exactly pleasant either.

“No, no, no.” The boy shook his head and Tine cringed slightly. He should have known better to put himself out there like this. His greatest fear was rejection and within five minutes in the class, the first person he approached was already judging him.

The boy crawled closer to Tine and Tine was shocked to see a smile on the boy’s lips. “Sorry. That was rude of me. I mean… do you want me to show you how to play a song?”

Tine felt sudden relief. It seemed like the boy was just as awkward as he was. Tine passed the mallet to the boy but kept the instrument in his hands. He played a simple three note melody and then passed it back to Tine who played it back to the best of his ability, his hands shaking nervously the whole time.

“See, that was great!” The boy’s eyes lit up and his grin grew even bigger. “I’m Sarawat, by the way, but you can call me ‘Wat’ if you want….I think… well, do you want to be my friend?”

And just like that, Tine had made his first friend.

Ten.

Sarawat and Tine were inseparable.

Wherever one of them went, the other was right there. Whenever they weren’t in the same class, they would meet up at every break to check in with one another to see how their days were going.

As long as Sarawat was at his side, Tine felt like he could take on the world. They were best friends and while they didn’t have a lot in common in terms of interests, it didn’t matter. That first day of school where Tine had approached Sarawat had linked them together in a way that was unspoken and sacred.

Their favourite thing to do was listen to music in their rooms. Tine would hang his head off the end of the bed while Sarawat would guitar along with whatever song Tine would choose. Tine was always the DJ as Sarawat was happy to listen to whatever his best friend chose as long as it had a guitar line that he could investigate and pick apart.

Tine had never been particularly interested in learning an instrument where Sarawat had taken up the guitar as if it was a birthright. Tine was happy to bob his head along to the music and sometimes hum if he was feeling a bit bolder. Tine’s favourite moment during their listening sessions were when Sarawat would get so lost in the music that he would start to sing without knowing. Tine loved the sound of his friend’s voice but he knew how self-conscious Sarawat was about it so he never mentioned it. Tine savoured those moments.

Tine didn’t want to share Sarawat with anyone else. Wat was his best friend and, thankfully, neither of them seemed too interested in expanding their friend group beyond some interactions at school.

Their free time was shared between their houses equally and they never invited a third…

Fifteen.

The football soared over Tine’s head. It was lunch and, once again, Sarawat had dragged him out to the field. It wasn’t that Tine didn’t enjoy the game, he just wasn’t particularly good at it and all of Sarawat’s new friends seemed to notice that.

Over their ten years as friends, Tine had grown much more outgoing while Sarawat became quieter and quieter. Tine often spoke on Sarawat’s behalf but Sarawat had the uncanny ability to be good at absolutely everything he tried so just as Tine originally had, people wanted to be his friend whether he gave them the time of day or not.

“Tine! Grab the ball.” Man, one of Sarawat’s friends called out.

Tine grumbled a complaint under his breath but he wasn’t about to start a fight over something as stupid as this. He ran to grab the ball and tossed it back toward Man who gave him a sympathetic look in return.

Boss, Man and Sarawat were the strongest football players in their grade which had quickly bonded them. Tine usually stood on the sidelines while they played their scrimmages even if Sarawat tried to make him play.

“Sarawat is such a good player.” Fong mused as he wandered up besides Tine, Ohm quickly following behind. “You’re so lucky to be his friend.”

Ohm, Fong, Phuak and Tine were all in the same class and had slowly grown closer since the beginning of the school year, especially since Sarawat had started to spend every moment of his free time on the football field.

“Why aren’t you out there, Tine?” Ohm asked and earned himself an elbow in the ribs from Fong.

“I just…. uh… I don’t really like sports that much.” Tine shrugged and tried to hide the shame that was spreading through him.

“You know what’s better than playing sports?” Phuak appeared out of nowhere, as per usual and startled all three boys. “EATING! You guys should come to my place after school to try some new snacks that my brother just brought back from Japan.”

“Sure!” Ohm and Fong agreed and then they all looked to Tine expectantly.

Tine looked out to the field where Sarawat was still clearly engrossed in his game. Sarawat tended to spend his every after school alternating between guitar practice and football so Tine doubted that his friend would notice if he wasn’t free for once.

“Yah.” Tine nodded. “That sounds good.”

The school bell rang and the students began to make their way inside. As usual, Tine hung back to wait for Sarawat to join him.

Sarawat ran over to him and blurted, “Thanks for waiting. Hey, by the way, what are you doing after school?”

Tine’s mouth grew dry. “I made plans with Phuak, Fong and Ohm. Why?”

A look of undeniable disappointment crossed Sarawat’s face that made Tine’s stomach twist in a way he didn’t like.

Sarawat’s eyes dropped to the ground, “Oh. I was going to ask if you wanted to listen to music… like old times.”

“Sorry.” Tine muttered and then saw Man and Boss making their way toward Sarawat. A pang of jealousy flowed through him and he shared, “Why don’t you ask one of your football friends? You practically spend every waking moment with them anyway.”

Another look of hurt crossed over Sarawat’s face and his breath hitched, “Wait. What do you mean? I want to spend time with you. We’ve just been so busy lately.”

“No.” Tine hissed and he could hear the frustration clear as day in his now tone. “You’ve been busy lately so the one time I have something to do with my friends, you act as if I’ve done something wrong for not being free.”

“That’s not true!” Sarawat protested just as Man and Boss each threw an arm around his shoulders.

“Everything okay here?” Man asked, his brow furrowed in concern.

“You guys look like you’re breaking up.” Boss chuckled lightheartedly and Tine felt a fierce blush take over his cheeks.

“Shut up, Boss.” Sarawat muttered, looking away from Tine in clear embarrassment.

That’s what Tine was to Sarawat now. An embarrassment. They used to be so close and now a clear rift was appearing between the two of them. Friends couldn’t stay friends forever and Tine sensed that this was a shift to something else. They lived in two different worlds. They didn’t have enough in come to stand the test of time.

“I’ll see you guys later.” Tine turned quickly on his heel to escape the three football players.

He didn’t want them to see him cry as he stalked back toward the school entrance. He didn’t want to add fuel to the already burning fire.

Tine and Sarawat’s friendship was clearly fading even though neither of them wanted to admit it.

Seventeen.

“Sarawat and Tine, you will be partners for the assignment.”

Tine felt his heart leap into his throat as the teacher made the announcement. Sarawat and he had not spoken in a while. While it had not been a full blown ‘break up’ of their friendship, they both had slowly become involved with their own friend groups and activities and grown apart over the past few years.

Fong put a supportive hand down on Tine’s shoulder. Fong had kind of stepped into Sarawat’s role of ‘best friend’ when they started drifting apart and Fong had consoled Tine through the whole experience. He appreciate his friend’s support but when he looked over at Sarawat, he was shocked to see that his former friend had an inviting smile on his lips.

It had never been that Sarawat had been mean to him. Tine had just felt less and less comfortable contacting him, especially as Sarawat’s popularity grew. The curios thing about Sarawat being so popular, especially with the girls at their school, was how little Sarawat seemed to care or be interested in it. Tine would give anything to be widely accepted by his peers while Sarawat was just handed it because of his natural good lucks and talent. It made Tine terribly jealous which was another reason he had stopped hanging out with Sarawat.

“Please sit next to your partners. You need to get started right away.”

Fong gave Tine an encouraging push across the classroom and Tine groaned inwardly as he made his way over to Sarawat who already had an empty seat next to him. Tine was shocked when Sarawat pulled the seat out for him and gestured welcomingly toward it. It made Tine suspicious but he figured Sarawat was just trying to be overly friendly to make him feel comfortable. Tine settled into the chair and unpacked his things as Sarawat openly stared at him.

“Long time, no talk.” Tine blurted out when he couldn’t handle the silence any longer.

“Yah.” Sarawat agreed, looking down at his notebook. “I’ve been meaning to call you.”

“You don’t have to say that.” Tine clarified, a hint of annoyance in his voice. “We drifted apart. It happens. We grew up. Don’t even worry about it.”

Sarawat met Tine’s gaze again and there was quite a broken look in his eyes that melted some of the ice between them. Tine still knew he couldn’t completely relax around Sarawat or let his guard down or else he might get hurt again.

“Well, either way, I’m sorry.” Sarawat expressed. “And, if you’ll let me, I’d like to try to be your friend again. You’re important to me. I’ve just been a bit too lame to approach you. I was worried you hated me or something.”

“I could never hate you.” The words passed through Tine’s lips before he could think them through.

This earned him a grin from Sarawat who shared, “I couldn’t either. I’ve missed you a lot.” “Oh.” Tine breathed out. There was a weight to Sarawat’s words that terrified Tine. “I mean, uh, I’m just surprised to hear that.”

“Really?” Sarawat’s brows knotted together in confusion. “I’ve practically always forced my friendship on you…”

Tine’s eyes widened in surprise. “What the hell are you talking about? I thought I was the one annoying you by following you around all the time.”

“I would practically drag you anywhere I went.” Sarawat responded, an amused look on his face. “It sounds like we both had a skewed version in our heads. Maybe that’s why everything ended like it did…”

“That’s the thing about endings though.” Tine answered boldly. “Endings mean that you get to have a new beginning.”

Sarawat’s eyes lit up with all that Tine could classify as hope. Sarawat stuck his hand out to Tine and questioned, “Friends?”

“Friends.” Tine agreed, taking Sarawat’s hand.

Tine tried not to read too much into how natural his hand felt when it was in Sarawat’s.

He was finally friends with Sarawat again. He couldn’t ask for anything more.

Eighteen.

Sarawat and Tine were hanging out in Tine’s room, just like they used to when they were younger. This time, however, they were both lying on the bed instead of Sarawat taking up his usual perch in Tine’s desk chair. What stayed the same, though, was that Tine was the one choosing the music and Sarawat still had a guitar in his hands.

In the middle of one of Tine’s favourite Scrubb songs, Sarawat had started to sing. Tine closed his eyes and listened to the sound of his returned best friend’s voice. It sounded much more mature and full-bodied than before. Sarawat’s voice was smooth and vulnerable, with a hint of abandon and shakiness at the same time. Tine loved it more than anything.

Unfortunately, they were interrupted by the sound of Sarawat’s cell phone going off. Tine shot up and paused the music. Sarawat reached over to silence the phone but Tine gave him a shrug that was meant to encourage his friend to pick up the call.

“It’s just Man.” Sarawat explained. “He probably just wants to ask if Type is around. He knows I’m at your house right now.”

“Would you ignore me if I called?” Tine teased, even though he was actually secretly interested in knowing the answer.

“Of course not.” Sarawat shook his head. “It’s different.”

“How?” The question hung in the air and the atmosphere in the room quickly became full of tension.

Sarawat set down the phone and cleared his phone, “It… it just is, Tine. You know what I mean.”

“Yah, I guess I kind of have the best friend position again.” Tine chuckled awkwardly, regretting posing the question.

Tine moved to start the music again but the gesture was intercepted by Sarawat taking hold of Tine’s hand. Sarawat breathed out slowly and Tine felt suddenly like his heart was going to burst out his chest. What the hell was Sarawat doing? Why was he doing this now?

“Tine… we’ve known each other for almost fifteen years…” Sarawat began and set his guitar aside with his free hand. “In all that time, I’ve bee trying to navigate what we are.”

“What we are?” Tine repeated incredulously, his mind trying desperately to catch up with that he was hearing.

“I know you see the way I look at you, Tine.” Sarawat explained, a slight flush appearing on his cheeks. “The way I’ve always looked at you.”

“Wat…” Tine breathed out in shock as Sarawat moved closer to his so that their knees were touching.

Sarawat studied Tine’s gaze and murmured, “I don’t want to put any pressure on you if you don’t feel the same way but I can’t keep this to myself any more. It’s too much to be around you with how much I feel.”

Tine wondered if he had somehow fallen asleep listening to Sarawat singing. This felt like too much of a dream to be real. Sarawat winced slightly when Tine remained silent and started to put distance between the two of them.

Desperate not to lose him again, Tine leaned forward and captured Sarawat’s lips in his own. For a brief moment, Sarawat stilled but then quickly wrapped his arms around Tine and pulled his best friend even deeper into the kiss.

Tine’s head was spinning.

After all this time, he was kissing his best friend.

He was kissing Sarawat.

After all those years of closeness and confusion, they had finally found the moment to define what they were to one another…