This sucks.
You know what, sometimes I just really fucking miss her. Its like I'm ok and then I see something and i just want to tell her about it. I want to text her and laugh at nothing. I want to hug her, I want to see her stupid, cute little smile. I want to hear her laugh. I want to feel her laying in bed beside me. I wish she was there again when I'm just washing the dishes and she would come up and cuddle me from behind. I wish she was there when I'm watching TV and she would sit right in the middle of the sofa and leave me on the crack. And we would both end up squished up right in the middle with the cover around us and my head on her shoulder, our fingers laced together. I wish she was there when I'm having a cigarette and I would try and stand in between her legs when she was smoking, sat on the wall, but her ridiculous knee wouldn't let her sit that way and I'd have to stand beside her, and I hated it, because I just wasn't close enough to her. I wish she would walk back in the house the way she used to after work and storm into the kitchen opening every cupboard, and still settle for fucking crackers and cheese. I hate that when I’m getting a shower she isn't there behind me, just casually getting under the water with me, kissing me behind the shower curtain, both of us laughing because the curtain is cold and sticks to her back and makes her jump. She hated that curtain, but she still always followed me in the shower. I miss watching her get ready for work. Sleepy eyed and wishing she would leave so i could sleep again, but not wanting to sleep while she was there so I could hear whatever stupid fucking story she was telling. Sometimes I just miss her. And I hate that she is doing these things with someone else. Someone else is experiencing all these little things about her that I just cant seem to get out of my head. Fuck I hate that her new girlfriend cant possibly give her what I would of. I loved every fucked up part or that silly little bitch. And she still wanted someone else. I wish she had been who I thought she was. I wish it wasn’t all the lie it turned out to be, I wish so fucking much. It was everything I wanted, and none of it was real.
