May 23
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Last night I had really weird dream.
For whatever reason, I was missing three toes on my right foot. I had the big toe and the pinky toe, but the middle three were missing. I don't know what happened to them, but it was obviously some kind of trauma, because the skin in between them had been stitched shut (it reminded me of the stitches I had after a melanoma removal surgery, sort of sticking up).
Anyway, I was really upset about it. Needed to keep the stitches clean but needed help because I couldn't bear to look at them. I was upset because I couldn't walk anywhere and I couldn't get a wheelchair (okay, that happened last year; couldn't walk, couldn't get a wheelchair), so I was essentially bed bound. I probably could have walked with crutches or something, but I didn't. Idk, it was a dream.
But through it all, I realized that the reason I couldn't walk is because without toes, I couldn't balance properly. And if I couldn't even walk, I certainly wouldn't be able to dance or ice skate anymore. And I was devastated and couldn't stop crying.
When I woke up, I did check my feet to make sure all of my toes were there because it was the type of dream that felt very real.
Though the scenario was strange. I was later comforted by the realization that one permanently unusable foot wouldn't necessarily keep me from dance. There are dancers who perform in wheelchairs and with canes, so it's feasible. Additionally, I could still do aerial.
But I guess moral of the story is, I'm more upset by the idea of losing my ability to dance/skate than I am losing body parts? If there is a moral at all?
Brains are weird, man.
Disabled Albeiro’s first one-legged workout Video
Hey guys! Little known fact about me that I thought I'd share. I have a condition called ectrodactyly! Basically what that means is I'm missing fingers! For most people with ectrodactyly, they are missing 3 out of 5 fingers, usually the middle ones, leaving a thumb and a pinkie! This can vary in many cases however. There's also other conditions that can go along with it, like hair loss, teeth and skin problems, etc. I am only affected by the loss of fingers, no other problems. This also applies to my feet as well. My feet are really small because of ectrodactyly. But since the wideness of my foot is still there, finding shoes to fit me have been awful. I, currently, wear a size 3 in kids shoes. This means I also can't wear flip-flops, sandals, open toed shoes and even low top shoes! If I do my foot will not fit into the shoe. I have large feet problems from this of course, to be expected. I walk on the outer side of my foot, and that only. Try it for yourself. Bend you foot so only the outer side is on the ground and try to walk. Hurts right? Hard to do right? Imagine walking like that for an hour? Now imagine being like that your whole life. Fun right? In all means I don't mean to be rude, I like to make jokes like that. Ectrodactyly is challenging and it makes life harder for those who have it. This, of course, doesn't mean we are totally helpless, I mean look at me, I'm an artist for gods sake I mean of all talents I could have pursued, art??? Boy what was I thinking!! But my point is to bring awareness to ectrodactyly, because I looked through it's tags before, and it seemed like so many negative and scary portrayals of it, so I mean to bring light of it and tell people we are human just as much as you. Don't be scared of us, don't stare at us, don't try to help us with every little thing. Just, just be there for us when we need you too. Like any non-disabled person. :) (I'm also here to find other ectrodactyly friends because this disability isn't that rare, so I know you're out there friends!!!)