I miss the feeling of feeling safe and calm... And loved. Truly loved by someone. That instead of just crying alone I can know that at least I did something right if I'm right there in their arms.

The further you walk. It’s like walking in a dream

pic by Buca

It was hard letting you go. It was so hard, I didn't. You left and that's on you, so I never asked otherwise, but even when I got to find myself in this new life you-less, you still manage to come back, your smile still manages to come back, the feeling of your hands in mine still manages to come back and, God, I don't know what else to do about you. Because even in this numb state where I KNOW you don't turn my world upside down, the thought of what we could've been still haunts me and tugs at my chest like I wish I held on to life. I know it's not you, I know it's THAT. I know it's the feeling of you, the feeling of me, the feeling of THAT. And I'm tired of missing the feeling. I'm tired of picturing you whenever "love" comes into the conversation, because you're nothing more than an illusion. You're just longing. You're LONGING and that fucking sucks for me, because I could replace "love" at some point with the thought of someone else. But no matter how much I long for you, it will just NEVER help to satiate that feeling.