May 21, 2024
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Day 2 here we go
Yesterday was productive. Wasn't reflected so much in my time tracking but I actually did get a lot done.
Big plans for today. Already meditated so on to practice questions. I'm also thinking of going for a swim and going climbing today. But we'll see how I do on time.
Starting to remember that I've already realized that I'm most motivated by failure or being close to failure. As soon as I feel good or am not stressed, my motivation levels plummet.
Nothing's changed. but we're trying again
So I'm back.
I'm studying for the USMLE Step 1 exam. I've already pushed it back once and I'm about to push it back another time. Basically to the latest possible date I have to take it by before I go back to school.
It's been a rollercoaster. I thought I was doing ok with getting the motivation to study but after a few weeks it fizzled out and I was doing the bare minimum. It seemed like not a big deal at the time - when the exam was still weeeeeks away.
Now that there's an actual deadline I'm starting to the feel the pressure. But I don't have a clear plan of attack for my studies. It essentially comes down to doing a lot of practice questions and hoping that I retain the information.
There is good news, however. I've been failing my official practice tests so far, but today I took one that I did fairly well on. This practice test is considered easier than the ones I've been taking and the actual exam is considered to be somewhere in between, difficulty wise. Having done well - I'm surprised I don't feel more relieved about my improvement. But, no time to dwell on that, gotta keep doing practice questions.
So, here, from now on, daily, I will be posting a recap of how many hours of studies I did and what I got done to get me closer to my goal. I'm using the apps ATracker, WaterDo, and Forest to help me.
Wish me Luck and give the accountability turns out I very much need
I am not being productive. This might be a problem.
autopsy lecture and echo staring at the cars outside
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as soon as my standards and expectations for my work fell, my anxiety decreased. who knows, maybe i’ll figure out how to do better work and still have low anxiety
wow I felt hungry and I just got up to the kitchen without agonizing over it and ignoring my hunger amazing
Three weeks in...
It’s not even noon and I already feel so productive!
got my self out of bed around 10 after only 1hour of scrolling - unprecendented!!! I kind of felt bad for sleeping in / staying in bed too long because I delayed my SO going to bed by playing Zelda and he had work today and felt really tired getting up. Like a person in control of my destiny, I brushed my teeth and cleaned the sink (which my SO has been promising to do for a while but I just couldn’t look at it any longer), MADE BREAKFAST - can’t remember the last time I did that - and did the dishes. I’m feeling in really good spirits, considering I was kind of spiraling last night before bed.Â
So to look back on the past three weeks...Â
First half was going well, with me getting things I wanted to do done and posting about them in a timely manner. Then, I started to slip and post the next day about the previous day’s endeavors and posting was feeling like an afterthought that I didn’t intend it to be. In the latter half, I absolutely did nothing but read for all of my waking hours and there really was nothing I could post about. Now that it’s the start of a new week and I currently have no pressing obsessions, I feel more capable of doing things I need/want to be doing. Waking up early *cough 9 cough* was the first big win; maybe it will even force me to sleep earlier. Like everything in my life, it wasn’t as terrible or as hard as I thought it was going to bed. Maybe this time the lesson will stick...