#missing boyfriend

But the good side is that we now have dissertation appointments via webcam every afternoon. I'm making the dalgona to try to feel in my comfort zone.

This space between us right now kills me. I miss you, I miss you so so much. It hurts, I want you to respond yo my calls and texts. I want to hold you and kiss you and be with you. I know you can't be here with me or have your phone, but I feel so alone and empty without you, I need you. This week is going to be so tough and long. When I see you again my hug and kiss are going to be sufficating. I love you, please still be mine when you come back, I love you 😙♥

what u guys up to

It's been one week One week without your warmth Your smell One week without your laugh Or the way you say goodnight I never knew I could feel this absence My soul is begging for you How can you expect me to wait 3 more days

So, since the boyfriend is MIA and refusing to talk to me, in spite of his repeated promises to stop doing that to me, I’m trying to keep my thoughts on other things. Considering the majority of what I’ve been thinking about is suicide, I’m doing everything in my power to distract myself. I’ve even finished writing my “note.” And fucked up my arm twice in one week. But it’s hard to think of positive things when your former “best friend” messages you trying to reconcile, with no apology and then stabs you in the back during said “reconciliation.” Like I needed more reasons to think about dying. But at any rate, I’m trying to focus my energy on better things though. So a girl that I’ve been in love with for years is single and wanting to be with me. I’ve been pushing it away because I still have some trust issues and hurt feelings about things that happened in the past. So I got stupid drunk over the weekend (because I need to drown my pain in everything and anything I can), and asked her out on a date. So in a few weeks, she and I will be going on our first official date together. I’ve planned a whole thing. I made her a bouquet with some flowers of her favorite colors, put Mardi Gras beads on them because she loves them, they add color, and fill space in the vase. Then I took her favorite chocolates and put marshmallow roasting sticks in them to add to the bouquet like more flowers. And I used candy bracelet/necklace things to hold the flowers together. Then I put glow sticks and glow bracelets inside the vase too, for her to use later in the night. I’ve also planned to wear my sexiest dress, with heels (bringing my boots for backup), and rainbow eyeshadow with red lipstick. Trying to look as good as possible. So my plan is to either pick her up, or meet her somewhere in between our houses. I’ll be waiting for her to come over to me, holding the bouquet and the card I got her. Then we will go to a dollar movie first. Then to Subway, because it’s not too expensive or fancy but we can also sit down and enjoy food that isn’t greasy and gross like McDonald’s. Then we’re going to a lesbian bar/club in Dallas called Sue Ellen’s (which is where the glow sticks come in). And then I’m taking her to an area near my house with a beautiful view of the sky, so we can look at the stars and listen to the playlist I made for her (though, I need to find my Bluetooth speaker because it’s missing). Then back to my place, where my husband agreed to sleep on the couch so we can have the bed together alone. Hopefully, I can survive long enough to enjoy it, with a boyfriend who is ignoring me and probably cheating on me and doing drugs since he doesn’t give a flying fuck about me. But if I can, I think it’ll be an amazing night So long as everything goes according to plan.

Hope this helps, keep your head up darling, things will turn around don’t you worry! :)