Apr 23, 2016
My āresearch methylation and biochemistryā and ādrink coffeeā on a Saturday night music. No, Iām not lonely.
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My āresearch methylation and biochemistryā and ādrink coffeeā on a Saturday night music. No, Iām not lonely.
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For once I wish Iād get a letter in the mail or an email or even a concise tweet āHey Dom, relapse ahead. Prepare yourself.ā There, didnāt even need 140 characters.Ā
It would make life so much fucking easier.
fuck you ptsd.Ā
i canāt do this anymore. I have so many plans but they look further and further away. I try to socialize and I just canāt handle it sometimes.Ā āWhat do you do?ā is a loaded question because I answer honestly ānothing right nowā (except dominatrix on the weekends for extra cash- LOL @ my bestie Mike) but am thinkingĀ āspend all day trying not to cry, self harm or worse, spend all my energy getting up the strength to eat and drink, spend alot of time weighing up whether i should take my meds and deal with the side effects, or not take them and fall into my illness so i become numb, just slowly rot from the inside out.ā But yeah,Ā ānothing right nowā is my answer, and Iāve got to think that adding RIGHT NOW means something, it means if I have a future it will be filled with all the wonderful things I want to do and I can change my answer to āwell, actuallyā. But at the moment, fuck you ptsd.
Iām sorry for the rant but I havenāt been to neurofeedback in a little while and I think Iām really feeling it, I think this little time without it proves that itās doing something, that itās worth the money and the time and the tiredness and the gunk in my hair.
You can't even go down to your local park at night and just cry anymore, what kind of a world are we living in??
I hate still hearing whispers like "that was a man" "omg that was a man". I'm like seriously? All I noticed was her cute outfit and absolutely rocking shoes. That freaking rocked.
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Money canāt buy me love, sure.
If it could Iād only be able to afford an ugly, STD ridden, unfunny, racist love who eventually leaves me so Iām cool with that.
'Remember it's the end of a chapter, not the end of your book.' BUT IVE FINISHED ALL THE CHAPTERS AND IT SAYS THE END. PRETTY SURE ITS THE END OF MY BOOK.
There's no feeling like the warmth of your laptop being the only thing keeping you warm, the battery slowly dying, and your charger being rooms away.