Random death note headcanons (pt. 1)
part 2
Disclaimer: I am not, nor do I claim to be, a mental health professional and so all mentions of mental health are based off of knowledge built on personally done research.
Light:
-When Light was experiencing his formative years, especially during early elementary, he was abnormally well tempered. He would have a feeling akin to being left out whenever he’d see other children throw tantrums frequently because he didn’t get easily overwhelmed by his feelings. This experience internalized into his sense of superiority since as someone with narcissistic tendencies, it wasn’t because he was abnormal but because he simply had natural emotional regulation that other children did not. This was exemplified when Sayu was growing up since she was a more emotional child than most. Even though they shared the same parents and were raised identically, she didn’t have that same emotional ‘intelligence’ than he did, and so in his mind his superiority was unique to himself and not due to any outside factors. He’s also put on a pedestal by other adults because of this emotional regulation, something that is developmentally debilitating as it encourages him to mask rather than be emotionally open, a trait that carries over even into adulthood.
- Light has the ability to make guy friends and lose them just as easily just by existing. The way girls flock to him, his talents, and athleticism naturally calls the attention of many people, including other guys. His easy going personality and polite mask makes it easy for people to project their own feelings onto him like a blank canvas, and so just as quickly as their spark of interest comes it fades as their jealousy grows because of the same things that drew them to him and they project that onto him, finding little reasons to paint him as a bad friend in their mind. It also doesn’t help that Light is more of a homebody and focused on school. He’s had to deal with so many guys calling him stuck up for pulling away/not putting in effort when he wasn’t the one to even pursue the friendship in the first place. When it comes to Light, both men and women behave unreasonably.
-The Light Yagami that is shown during the memory loss/handcuff arc does not exhibit the same behavior as the Light Yagami we interact with in the beginning of the manga/anime. In simple terms, Light Yagami is introduced as a detached and chronically bored genius going through the motions of life all the while forced to witness the rot of society, while the Light Yagami that forfeit ownership of the DeathNote is an arguably more societally aligned, functional human being. The reason being that Light has finally found intellectual challenge in the form of L. Think of it like this: if Light thought and felt the same way he did in the beginning of the series, he would recognize that he is capable of being Kira or atleast to some extent find logic in Kira’s ideology, despite his less than savory methodology even without any recollection of being Kira. However, memory loss Light doesn’t think that way any longer, because he simply isn’t feeling that level of boredom he did surrounded by the less than intellectually invigorating. I believe if Light had found his equal in the form of L sooner, he wouldn’t have become the serial killer ‘God of the New World’ we all know and love because he never really was in it because he truly believed in his ‘Godhood’ but because he was simply a bored individual who saw his peers and those surrounding him as lesser beings in need of justice in the form of his judgement (in the simplest terms).
-IF Light were to have any psychological disorder (heavy emphasis on IF considering the fact that he’s not written to be accurate representation of any particular disorder and so it would be disingenuous to claim otherwise especially considering his harmful actions) I think he would fall better under Schizoid Personality Disorder. I know a lot of people default to Narcissistic Personality Disorder or ASPD, but I think the way he interacts with people (pre-death note) is more indicative of him masking detachment rather than outwardly being manipulative. To put it plainly, Light Yagami pursued very little social interaction in his day to day. School, Cram school, family dinner, and then studying. Rinse and repeat. And even then he exudes this exhausted energy, from pretending not to ‘see the rot of the world’ in his worlds and continuing through the motions of life despite his emotional exhaustion due to this burden. This is very similar to experiences people with Schizoid Personality Disorder may have as they don’t form meaningful personal relationships (Lights greater emotional detachment when it comes to his peers) and excessively daydream (something Light is known to do). In addition to that, some people with that disorder report this emotional detachment stems from observing the horrible circumstances they see throughout other human experiences and default to emotional numbness as a defense mechanism, and it’s clear that Light mulls over these existential thoughts of human suffering which becomes a key motivator to him using the Death Note in the first place. It’s clear that visually Light isn’t a completely expressionless individual, but other than the polite and cordial smiles he flashes others, he isn’t exactly the most expressive person. Many people with the disorder don’t exactly fit the mold of ‘eccentric or overly robotic’, similar to Light they adopt a highly functional mask they use to interact with the world outside their thoughts. In addition to that, people with that personality disorder report finding comfort in more solitary hobbies or in intellectual pursuits and I suppose the Death Note functioned as both for Light in a way. Even though Light plays his role as the perfect student and son expertly, at the end of the day it’s still a role. Side note- I also agree he exhibits behaviors that align with other personality disorders as well, I just think this best fits Pre-death note Light.
(As always, everything written here is open to discussion !!!)
