#miroymon

Hello. I'm Hail, from the mohi system. This is a bit of a late, abrupt message for all of my social medias. As of July 23rd, MIROYMON as a collective, ceases to exist. While we, the system, will never depart from labeling our work under MIROYMON for ownership reasons, we will not refer to our career and our work as being from MIROYMON. MIROYMON, to us, no longer is what we want to be known for.

Other labels such as Elmani, Shifterstars/Starryhail, Alterworldly, and Dancingpuddle are connected to this label and will also be put to rest as we do not want to be known as that either.

Addressing the elephant, of course. The previous hosts have a long winded history of misdeeds that are publicly out there for everyone to see. I am ashamed of acknowledging that, even if those were not me, I am still the current host in the same body.

We engaged in debate in online spaces actively denouncing zoophilia and pro-zoos online, specifically on Twitter. We exposed the faces/deeds of a lot of zoos in therian + furry spaces just for fun. We don't have shame in this, we just look back at it with a cringe because we ended up falling into the radqueer crowd only to crawl out more disgusted with ourselves. Interacting even closely with deplorable ideas will lead you to exploring how they think.. then getting too close and being persuaded into.. basically a cult. We left the crowd and never want to revisit it.

We engaged in syscourse, which led to many heated encounters. We had, with the intent of warning them, called someone a "token asian" because they were oblivious to how both the pro-endo and anti-endo side was using their opinion in tulpa spaces in order to fill their own community grudges. While I was, in the long run, correct that the plural community never cared about Buddhist voices.. I used my own racial trauma to say that someone was being tokenized. That's not okay, that's fucking disgusting actually. It's the fact that, no matter if it was an old host, that the same body made the active choice to type it. It's gross, and I have since stepped back from syscourse and apologized.

We engaged in transandrophobia on cohost, which lead to us getting into an argument with a trans woman. Said trans woman is a transandrophobe, but my behavior in consistently using her actions as a way to punish others and her friends for follow along was not okay. To many, I harassed this woman for days on end. To me, I made her feel unsafe on a platform she came to in order to get away from Tumblr. I wanted to make an example out of transphobia in trans communities and how rampant it was. But, I quickly realized that fighting fire with literal magma doesn't do anything but make it worse. And I made it worse by even tempting to call out people on their transandrophobia. I defended myself online, people used my wife's image as a way to demean not only my sexuality but my ideas too. I fucked it up, I tore apart relationships and I made people uncomfortable by pushing it too far.

We engaged in altersex discourse, in which we created a lot of tension for intersex individuals who either did not enjoy altersex people or did not enjoy how I worded my altersex identity and morals. What I hear tends to be along the lines of me changing definitions, co-opting experiences, allowing h-slur usage, denying my perisexness in favor of altersexness, creating uncomfortable environments for intersex people in their own tags, and being tone deaf to intersex issues. I apologize, completely. No push back, no buts or whatever. I apologize, and I won't do it. Everything that I have ever done, I will take it back and I will change to be a better ally. I don't personally feel comfortable using shi/hir pronouns for myself and will stick to hiu/hium, even if I don't have a strong connection to the set. I will restrict all usage of the h-slur in and out of my communities. I accept that I am perisex, yet I do want to show that I am altersex as well and will use altperisex to describe myself instead.

In other places, I have lot personal friends for my explosive anger and behavior. I have betrayed trust, I have made others feel uncomfortable talking to me due to my past history. I have started fights over little things, and I have been stubborn over the internet just because I didn't have the right words to express myself.

In each part, in every thing I have done to harm others, I do recognize that distancing myself from the MIROYMON label by adopting another label would look as if I am.. running from my responsibility of clearing my name.

But I do not want to clear my name, nor do I want to deny all the things people have said about me - about my system - because of me. These events are not just a year's worth of issues, these issues span to 2018 to now. It has been more than 2 years of my disgusting behavior and I am sick of myself and haunting other people and being a blight in the world of other's. I am sick of trying to change and never actually changing because I haven't had the time to build myself. I am tired of having a disorder that makes it harder to find who I really am.

So, I have decided to rebuild myself and my branding and my name. This is for the safety of my system that I am consistently putting down, but for the safety of others who have been with me on this journey and who have left me because of this. I am doing this not for me, but for everyone I have ever put in danger or even stepped on by being who I am. I no longer want to be MIROYMON, I don't want to be representing MIROYMON. I want to be someone else, and I want to start over and dissolve every aspect under MIROYMON so that I may finally sit and have a chance to become a better person.

I will still draw, I will still publish, and I will still talk about being altersex. That is how it is, I cannot take a break or simply leave. I must trial and error my way, because then I do not make money and I cannot feed myself and I cannot become a better person.

I am a bad person. I am a horrible person, and I have done horrible things and I do not deserve to still have an existence where I am happily making othrs feel unsafe and uncomfortable with me around. So I am changing, I am forcing myself to change, I am molding myself by performing good and changing names and leaving this behind so that I can still afford to heal while not hurting people anymore. I don't want anyone to tell me that I never meant harm, I need people to tell me that I am a flawed person. I need people to nitpick at my flaws, tear me apart and find the reason why I'm so compelled to start fighting and hurting people so that I can actually change.

No, therapy doesn't work anymore. No, medication never soothed it. The only thing that is currently changing me is HRT, and I realized that I've been working my ass off to be better while on it. So, I'm sticking to HRT and disappearing into a new name with a new look, a new hope, a new joy, a new reason to live. With respect for people, without hurting people, without fighting or trying to be better. I just need to go away and never come back to these names. I need to restart and become better.

What's next?

I'm going to change the name of all my social media. We have not chosen a replacement name, but we will and we will change. I no longer want to run away from my mistakes and my problems, so that means ending them now with a new courage to become a better person.

I will most likely take a break from writing and art and pursue offline activities. My mother recently got surgery, so I am here helping her until September. She can't do basic activities without pain. I can't wither away alongside her.

I'm going to stop being so extreme. I'm still going to be goofy and a fantasizer, but I need to calm down. I just need to stop taking thins seriously. I need not provoke my anger and relapse on destructive behaviors.

I'm respecting the wishes of people who genuinely don't like me. I'm leaving, I'm stopping, I'm changing, and I hope the scars I gave you heal and leaves no marks. I am not a perfect person, no one is, and I am not criminal.. but I am emotionally draining and hurting others.

I'm gonna spend time in objectum spaces, I'm gonna love my wife and talk about it. I'm going to enjoy being objectum and do more in objectum spaces.

I'm going to work on altersex experiences and my community. I'm going to not step over intersex spaces and their experiences and I'm going to focus on my own.

This is a long post, but I wanted to end it with something nice.

I'm sorry, and I don't know what to say but I did this to myself. I thought I was doing everything right and that when things like this happen, when people lie about you, I thought that fighting back was the first answer. But it digs the hole under me, and it makes me fall into the behaviors I exhibit out of fear of messing it up.

Somatization is a fairly simple concept. It refers to any type of physical manifestation of symptoms originating from a mental health condition. Notably, somatization is not neurological, and the conflation of these two things comes from somatization originally being considered part of conversion disorder (which was later split into somatoform and functional neurological disorders). The difference between these two presentations is very important. FND is diagnosed by a neurologist, SSD is diagnosed by a psychiatrist, as it is a mental disorder.

Secondary somatization, or what I’ll just call somatic symptoms, are physical symptoms caused by non-somatic disorders. Examples of somatic symptoms include GI involvement in severe anxiety disorders or soreness and numbness in depression. Most often, somatic symptoms related to non-somatic disorders tend to have similar presentations across different patients. Feeling stomach or chest pain are incredibly common manifestations in people with anxiety, and even occur in people without anxiety disorders when they experience anxiety. This symptom is very well-established in its link to anxiety as a condition, so there isn’t much discourse for it to be considered anything more than a somatic symptom of anxiety. In a disorder where somatization has been less studied, like dysphoria, it can be harder to identify a more “universal” set of somatic symptoms that someone might develop, but physical symptoms related to dysphoria, such as psychogenic pain of the sex characteristics, would be in this category of somatization.

Somatic disorders, however, are primary somatization. This is somatization as the first a foremost symptom (although I’m going to touch on some cases where it isn’t exactly). Somatic disorders are a type of structural dissociative disorder, which means that, unlike other conditions with somatic symptoms, somatic disorders are inherently trauma-related. Dr. Onno van der Hart, known for his work on CDDs, also outlined that simple somatoform disorders (the preceding diagnosis of SSD) are a type of primary structural dissociation, one ANP and one EP, although more complex cases could exist. He posited that the existence of somatic symptoms could be a greater indicator of PTSD and complex dissociative disorders than many of our current tests at the time, and he highly favored the somatoform dissociation questionnaire (created by Dr. Nijenhuis, who also writes quite a bit on this topic). Manifestations of somatic symptoms in people with SDDs or a dissociative disorder that subsumes SDD (which is to say, much like how someone with DID is not also diagnosed with DPDR, an SDD diagnosis is generally considered unnecessary), these symptoms are highly individual. Patients with these disorders experience an extremely wide array of physical symptoms that are, most often, manifestations of physical trauma their body has endured (such as an SA survivor feeling pain in their genitalia), or are metaphorically representative of it (a DID alter that doesn’t see because it intends to protect itself by not witnessing the trauma). These types of disorders are, although ranging in complexity, nearly always going to be more complex than the cookie cutter standard somatic symptoms of well-established conditions. Treating somatic disorders generally requires trauma integrative therapies or EMDR, whereas somatic symptoms in other conditions can be more easily treated with generalized programs like eight week CBT.

my drawing of Sarga :3

Last night before going to bed I finished reading 'Fins above' by Miroymon @elmani . I wanted to post an appreciation for this great novella. This is the greatest work of xeno-fiction I've ever read. After H. P Lovecraft's The Call of Cthulhu I haven't been able to find something equally interesting. It's about a young catfish named Sarga and his story of revenge against the deep shoal that's responsible for his wife's death. There are different shoals in the sea that are at war with each other. The salt shoal is suffering from pain and loss that the deep shoal has inflicted upon them. Sarga's conflicting identify is part reason why he had to go through a lot of struggles. He is a siren, he's rejected and exiled. He murders the one who killed his wife olila and the one who raped his friend silvur. He sides with the deep shoal as their spy to deceive them and save the salt shoal. Sarga feels no remorse for his actions and hopes that they will save future generations from threats. From my POV Sarga's revenge had a meaning. Later Clayfin makes him realise that revenge is not the solution for his troubles. Because of him, Sarga is brought back to calm and they uncover the meaning of the prophecy of blue flame together. Due to Anchor's death Marlene's rule comes to an end and Agir ascends the throne as kingpin. Though Sarga couldn't become the kingpin he's welcomed back at the salt shoal, where he was brought back to life by shell belly and sponge. Salt shoal is peaceful once again and Silvur has a new glider. Briny is also back with her but that singing voice from the deep shoal calls for another investigation.

Finally a question remains. What is the meaning of the human and merfolk symbol in the castle? Agir asked Marlene but she has no idea what it is about. That is a story to be told another day.

I recommend this novella to everyone, my friends online and offline. I enjoyed it thoroughly, it's fun to imagine each detail about the events and the characters. The author's writing style is what I'd call, savoury. The journey from the beginning to the end was delicious and I even recall certain lines and images when I'm engaged in something else. It has left me with a huge hangover. The description of the shoals and fish, their clay beds, crystals and fishy smell attracted me. I thank the author for making this available to read. There are supporting content like a map of the sea shoals, the wars, character info etc. So take a swim in this ocean of fantasy!

I think you should read their post more closely, they're going over what real somatic disorders are and talking about why the "variayr" thing is bullshit. Here's a quote from @shinigami-social's post;

"All of this to get to the thing that inspired this post, the “variayr” thing going around. Even if you truly had a somatic disorder which resulted in hormonal changes (which, yes, actually has been studied, although only one study on a patient with DID, so not exactly universally compelling evidence), it would not result in a “neurological sex difference,” because that is not what the term neurological means, and it isn’t how the somatization of simpler disorders like dysphoria works. And if it did? Why on earth would a spontaneous hormonal change not just be fucking intersex"