#miranda patrick

The episode begins with Andi dancing and crafting, as you do. She decorates the bottom of a group project for school about eggs.

Hold on a second. Let me just check their work.

Okay, first of all, that opening sentence is a mess. “Categorized by... stand on two legs”? Proofread! Come on.

But, and this is the bigger issue, it appears the majority of this paragraph is lifted right from the Wikipedia page on theropoda.

The other paragraph from up above, on the index card to the left, is lifted from the Wikipedia page on turtles.

It’s not just that plagiarism is bad, but this is lazy plagiarism. Do they not think the first place their teacher is going to check is the Wikipedia article? Move some words around! Mix some synonyms in there! It’s like you want to be caught! God!

Also, which class is this for exactly?

You’ve got Aristotle in the top left, so... philosophy? But then you also have Charles Darwin in the top right, which suggests science.

Or is this just the entire general history of the chicken or the egg question going back to the dinosaurs?

I feel like the project needs more focus.

Maybe Andi’s group mates will step up to help deal with these many issues.

Nope. Never mind.

When this project gets failed, you’ll only have yourselves to blame.

At Red Rooster, Bowie finishes up a group guitar lesson and walks out into the store to find Plot Device.

Sorry, did I say Plot Device? I meant Miranda. My bad. And she’s brought along her daughter, little Plot Device Jr.

Bowie awkwardly tries to figure out what these two are doing here.

Before Miranda answers, she sends Morgan off.

“Morgie, honey, why don’t you go do the loudest thing possible in this small room while we try to have a conversation. I think that’d be a pretty neat representation of our role on this show.”

So Morgan bangs on the drums while Bowie tries to talk.

He makes a joke about being happy with the knowledge Morgan can’t steal one of the drums, but I’ve said it before and I’ll say it again, she’s good at thievery. Don’t let your guard down around her for one second. You’ll think she hasn’t taken a drum and then find out she emptied out the till when you weren’t looking.

Miranda tells Bowie he was right in what he said when last they spoke. You remember, that thing where he was like, “Hey Miranda, you should try parenting even the tiniest amount.” Turns out, that was good advice. Miranda listened and feels she’s a better mother and Morgan’s a happier child.

Morgan returns and tells Bowie that Miranda has a new boyfriend, whom she refers to as “Not Bowie.”

Which is insanely passive-aggressive for a child her age. Or just aggressive-aggressive? It’s like somewhere in the middle. It’s active-aggressive.

Miranda heard Bowie was teaching guitar so she brought Morgan to see if she could sign up for lessons. Bowie’s like, eh... I’m all booked, it’s not a great time, yadda yadda. So Morgan’s like...

Bowie’s like, “Morgan, I don’t hate you... I just don’t like you. There’s a lot of area in the middle.”

No, of course, Bowie relents because that’s a super messed up, manipulative, guilt trippy thing for an 8 year old or whatever to say. So Bowie sends Morgan to the back to look at guitars.

And then Miranda, who has a boyfriend, gets closer to Bowie and she’s like...

Bowie points out that she has a boyfriend, but Miranda is like, “Pfft, Not-Bowie? He’s no Bowie.”

Here’s the thing, Bowie and Miranda dated for like, a few months? Probably at least a half a year ago? There was tension with Bowie’s family the entire time and then things ended really poorly, so what exactly are Miranda and Morgan hanging onto here? More trips to the miniature golf course? Access to a record store? Plant stuff? “Not-Bowie just doesn’t have the kind of knowledge of plants that a woman like me needs.” Let it go, girl.

Bowie tells Miranda he’s engaged, which she takes well.

She’s like, who’s the lucky woman for no reason whatsoever I’m just curious and nothing more and Bowie tells her it’s Bex.

At The Spoon, the GHC and Jonah get breakfast. Well, the GHC gets breakfast. Jonah says he’s not hungry and just wants to enjoy their company, which Buffy thinks is both sweet and weird.

Like a baby holding a hammer.

Amber comes by with a dish she’s supposed to throw out because it’s a wrong order. Instead, she offers it to Jonah, who accepts and starts to dig in.

I gotta say, Jonah’s silverware technique needs work.

How do you have any control of the fork that way? Also, who cuts scrambled eggs with a knife?

Buffy’s suspicions are raised by Amber’s seemingly too nice behavior.

At Cloud 10, Celia takes time out from helping all of the zero customers in the place to finish up Bex’s wedding invitations.

Bex tells her the invitations are beautiful. Celia says she was going to mail them herself since she already did everything except that, but decides that Bex should handle mailing them, because it’s her special day. “It’s your wedding, you should be the one to have the honor of putting these papers in a metal box.”

The door to Cloud 10 opens and who walks in? Not a customer, that’s for sure.

Celia’s immediately on the offensive, calling her Melinda and asking if she’s there to accuse them of losing something to cover up a theft.

Miranda seems to treat that as an actual question.

Miranda says she’s there to congratulate Bex on her engagement. Celia’s not buying it. Bex asks her to go chill in the back office for a minute. Celia agrees to do that but then adds that Miranda shouldn’t get too comfortable.

“...and polishing a broadsword in a threatening manner.”

Miranda tells Bex she really only came to give her best wishes but then she launches into what feels like an extremely pointed story about her failed relationship with Morgan’s father. She never saw it coming, she says. They were so happy. A perfect relationship for six years. And then they got married and the whole thing collapsed like a Jenga tower. They drifted apart until it felt like they were living two different lives. Eventually, they couldn’t even remember why they were together in the first place.

Wow. She really only needed to add something like, “And let me tell you, having to raise a daughter together helped nothing. In fact, she only made things worse! It expedited things!”

Miranda’s tale of woe really affects Bex.

Miranda’s like, oh, don’t worry, I’m not talking about you and Bowie. I’m sure your marriage will be just fine. I mean, half of all marriages end in divorce, but it probably won’t be you guys, right? Hahaha. Flip a coin, right? Heads or tails? Heads or tails? Hehe.

Back at Red Rooster, Bowie finally comes to check on Morgan. He makes her promise she’s going to behave.

It’s like prison rules.

Bowie takes his eyes off of Morgan for literally seven seconds to grab a guitar and turns back to find she’s disappeared like some kind of GHOST.

Bowie does the smart thing: he looks around for a second, checks the top of a desk...

...doesn’t check behind the curtain that’s right there, shouts “Morgan!”, checks nothing else, and then walks out of the room...

...despite not having heard the door open and close behind him.

He walks out to the main part of the store and asks if anyone’s seen Morgan, but no one has. So he does the smart thing again: he goes back and checks the room she’s most likely in. No, I’m just kidding, he walks out of Red Rooster.

God I bet I’d be so good against him if we played Hide and Seek. I’m not amazing at it or anything, but he is terrible.

At The Spoon, the kids debate what to do with their day. They settle on going to Adrenaline City. Jonah says it sounds fun, but he’s gonna pass. That is, until Amber shows up and says she has an extra pass.

Jonah agrees to go. Amber’s like, great, I’m just gonna go change real quick. But, um... doesn’t she have to work? Didn’t her shift just start? It’s breakfast. Or does she only work the 8am-9am shift?

Jonah goes to thank her for inviting him. Buffy sniffs out that something is up. She thinks Jonah and Amber are getting back together.

The gang heads to Adrenaline City.

I guess I’m not sure why Cyrus was excited for this. Does he not know who he is?

Buffy uses her basketball skills to win a weird blue llama.

Listen, I don’t like amusement park stuffed animals. They’re super fragile and probably all filled with asbestos. They cost 25 cents to make and you can’t win a decent sized one without slapping down $50. I’m not saying that prevents me from trying to win the damn things every time I go, I’m just saying I don’t like it.

Anyway, the whole time at the park, Buffy’s enjoyment is dampened by the escalating Jonah and Amber situation.

Buffy turns to her emotional support stuffed animal for comfort.

Don’t put the asbestos llama that close to your face!

Cyrus, meanwhile, continues to suffer through a day of fun at the park.

Alone, by the way. Hey, you know who’s between friends right now and probably wouldn’t mind sharing a flying swing with you, Cyrus? Just saying.

After their day of riding rides, Jonah and Amber share a pretzel, which Cyrus points out is basically marriage at their age. Andi protests that Jonah is still in a relationship with Libby, but Cyrus and Buffy are unconvinced. They need a reason to believe this isn’t Jonah and Amber 2.0 and they want to know if Andi has that reason.

Meanwhile, after what certainly must have been several hours (enough for the kids to discuss going to the park, then go out to the park, ride all the rides, and eat pretzels and debate relationships), Bowie finally exits Red Rooster.

And he still hasn’t had time to put down the tiny guitar.

Bowie runs around shouting Morgan’s name and lazily looking around for her before finding Miranda nearby at some kind of pop-up swap meet. He apologizes profusely. He tells her he took his eyes off her for a second (that’s barely an exaggeration) and she disappeared. He’s been in a panic looking for her and he thinks they should call the police.

But then Morgan pops out of a clothes rack.

And Miranda laughs and high-fives her.

The two delight in thinking about how worried Bowie was. They get much joy from remembering the fear that was on his face just moments ago when he thought he'd been responsible for the disappearance and even, potentially, death of a small child. LOL. I guess it is pretty funny when you think about it.

Bowie asks Miranda if she knew about this and Miranda’s like, yeah, haha, she does this all the time.

Or basically, LOL, here’s another funny joke, Bowie. Remember when you said I should act like a parent? Well, nah.

Bowie is on the verge of tears and is mad for some reason Miranda doesn’t understand. He walks off. Morgan asks if they’re getting Bowie back, but Miranda, realizing that not everyone loves an emotionally traumatizing, surprise game of “Whoops I lost a child”, says no.

That night, Andi invites Cyrus and Buffy to Andi Shack to show them Jonah’s wish from the Moon Festival. She hands it to Cyrus, who opens it up and reads it.

No, the wish actually says he wishes his family could be happy again.

Andi says she thinks Jonah’s family might be having money problems. For example, he wouldn’t order food at The Spoon. Cyrus remembers that he didn’t want to go to Adrenaline City until Amber offered the free ticket. All the puzzle pieces start to fall into place.

They think this is why he’s been close to Amber. Because Amber also went through similar money troubles and he probably confided in her. Buffy feels bad for judging them.

They wonder if there’s something they could do. Andi says, for now, respect his privacy and not jump to conclusions.

That’s a mature way to handle it. That line of thinking lasts all of five seconds before Cyrus suggests they get involved somehow.

At Bex’s, Bowie tells Bex about his day. Bex mentions Miranda also came to see her and scared her. Bowie tells her to get Miranda out of her head. He thinks about how lucky he is to have all this: friends, family, hole.

He talks about how much he loves this and hopes it never changes. Bex agrees, but this also makes her think about some things.

The next day, the GHC come into Red Rooster to ask Bowie to hire Jonah at the store. Does Bowie have hiring power at Red Rooster? Or does he just own this place now? Where is the owner? Is this like a squatter’s rights situation?

Bowie apologizes. It’s a small business and they just don’t have the resources to bring on another employee.

Jonah emerges from the back and Bowie immediately spills everything.

He’s like, oh hey Jonah, sorry about not being able to give you the job you needed and that we were all just talking about. What? No I don’t think the kids were being weird and secretive a minute ago when they walked in here without you to ask for work on your behalf. Everything seemed normal to me.

Andi says they just wanted to help, and Jonah realizes they know he’s going through something.

Andi explains to Jonah that she found out about his issues because of the wish from the lantern.

Yeah, but it could also be that you upset the Moon Goddess by ruining Celia’s wall. Either one, really.

Jonah explains that sometime last year, his dad made an investment that went bad and a couple months ago, his parents had to declare bankruptcy and that’s when they finally told him about it. They lost their house and moved in with relatives.

He tries to remain positive even though it’s not easy. At least his family has a place to stay and they’re all still together.

Jonah feels like a weight is off his shoulders having told his friends about this.

Andi tells him he doesn’t have to keep secrets from them. That he can tell them stuff he thinks he can’t. Jonah’s like, I got it. No more secrets.

And then he makes another horrible poker face that screams: “Except for that other thing that I’m definitely keeping a secret from you guys.”

Outside of Cloud 10, Bex brings her big ol’ box of wedding invitations to Nicky the Mailman (no relation to Ricky the Suit Man) for shipping.

Nicky the Mailman admires Celia’s handiwork, then inadvertently “Mirandas” Bex by saying something to make her nervous about the wedding.

I wish he kept digging deeper. “I remember mailing invitations to the wedding with my first wife. Boy, that ended badly. Horrible, bitter divorce. Much like my second wife. You know they say third time’s the charm, but some mornings I look at my current wife and think ‘Buddy, not from where I’m sitting.’ Anyway, about these invites...”

Bex flips and takes back the invites and runs off.

The GHC, meanwhile, walk through the park. Cyrus does that thing where he doesn’t realize he’s holding his phone and looks for it, then he shows Andi and Buffy a piece of candy that mysteriously made its way into his pocket.

They spot Jonah and Amber across the way, sitting at a bench together. They all talk about how it’s great he has Amber to confide in and how silly it was that they thought they might actually be back together. Haha.

I mean, they were a truly toxic couple. Haha. Neither of them probably wants to reenter into a relationship like that. Haha. Anyway, it’s great that they’re friends now because they really--

Wuh oh.

As the episode ends, Andi has just one question.

Andi, how much time did you spend near the llama Buffy won at the amusement park? This could be a symptom of exposure to asbestos.

Well, I must say, having gotten to the end of the episode, I find myself shocked, appalled, and greatly disappointed by what’s happened here.

...

Where the hell was Gus?!

What monster added him to the IMDb listing for this episode?!

Show yourself, coward! How dare you get our hopes up like this!

I don’t even know if I can go on watching this show anymore! I’m so tired of betrayal! I’m so tired of--

Oh, TJ’s back next episode? Well okay then.

Let's do it, baby. I know the law.

Ex-Factor was a good ep that dealt with a very important topic though some of the subplots dragged. Let’s dig in!