#mini's hcs

Ive been waiting for an excuse to do either hazhot or Kemono Jihen (hazhot first req!)

Masterlist

Accidentally confessing

Charlie:

- she was helping you prepare dinner when you spoke, in a soft tone, "I love you and your helpful self"

- Now, in a no Vaggi au, she might've caught feelings

- agreed be your gf and lovebombed you

- in canon though...

- "Oh I UHM" stutters before "Look, Name, I dont like you like that, I have someone who I love. We can still be friends! "

- she shows you some attention through the day but in a manner clearly platonic

Vaggi:

- you've been helping her decorate the hotel while Charlie mourned Sir Pentious

- "You're so amazing, I really love you"

- she's taking some seconds to process

- sees your shocked and mortified face

- "No, Name, I have Charlie. I love her. Not you"

- is stricter about it.

- in a no Charlie au, maybe you two date! (Only if youre enby/fem oriented! Guys, you get a flat no. I respect their orientation here!)

Alastor:

- first of all, he was just showing you his work, why would you run the atmosphere with your dumb little feelings?

- double downs laughing

- "LOVE? OH DONT MAKE ME LAUGH"

- incomprehensible laughter mess

- seconds later

- "No"

- you are officially banned from his radio tower and you better not listen to his frequency if you value your life!

Angel dust

- Look, love, do you think hes surprised? Hes fucking Angel Dust, weirdos say it all the time

- and look geez, he hoped you would be different

- he doesnt see the confession as sincere

- also if youre fem oriented? And know his sexuality? He gets that hes hard to not love but geez!

- if ya up to it, you two might go pound town

- now, if he also has feelings for you? NOW that's another story!

Husk:

- flat out rejects you

- rudely so

- he doesnt do this shi'

- go away before he takes your bar rights

Niffty:

- OOO ARE YOU A BAD BOY?

- BAD BOY BAD BOY

- will like you until she finds another bad boy

- if youre good boy, girl or enby

- "what why? Ew! "

- (not homophobic, but she wants bad boy!)

Sir Pentious:

- you... Like... Him!!!

- AHH PANIC AT BOARD

- "I apologisse I only like my nemessssissss Cherri Bomb! "

- is highly flattered but no he doesssnt like you!

- just as friendssss!

- hissss panic ssstate sssobersss you from your ssssad ssstate

Cherri Bomb:

- "Wait, really? "

- you sounded so sincere

- but like, damn, she doesn't like ya!

- is like highly flattered

- so she tries let you down gently, you know?

- "No, I, I like someone else"

Baxter:

- "Excuse you? "

- of course, since hes the best scientist in the world, it's norm to like him

- that doesnt mean he has to reciprocate!

- rejects you flat out. You had no chance

Lucifer:

- laughs

- "Wait... Seriously? "

- does not want deal with this nope nope!

- he loves his wife okay?

- he gotta reject you before you grow ideas!

Atsushi is demi aro. Treat him well for a while, form a bond and hes head over hells for you. Takes a while to form a honest bond with him.

Dazai is romance repulsed aro and sex favorable ace

When I say sex favourable, I mean he gives it as favors. Doesn't really do love. At least not like the stereotypical type. He can care in his way but love? No. Hard pass.

Kunikida is ace in denial. In his ideal he put 'no sex until marriage' but also doesn't plan for marriage. It'll take him 50 years to figure that out.

Ranpo is double aroace. Doesn't understand the hype for that. Doesn't wanna try, doesn't want it. Give up <3 (say a ship in the comments and Im exploding you)

Yosano is sex neutral to sex repulsed. Views it in a medical way, high sex knowledge, knows how to identificate wounds and so on. Doesn't want it herself no.

On the other hand, if she was to date, it would take a long while for her to like the person, thinks its an interesting concept but in the way someone would view a dragon fantasy. She'll be confused if that dragon came to reality.

Tanizaki is on the aro spec, needs know the person likes him to get feelings (I think this was lithromantic which I think falls under the demi umbrella) . Doesn't see why he would like an uninterested person. Also just because a person is interested doesn't mean he'll like them immediately.

Naomi is cupioromantic (wants relationship but can't keep it once in it I think). The thought of being loved, taken care of and spoilt is everything to her. But once she gets into one and there's more than just her ideas? She gotta leave.

Fukuzawa doesn't understand romance, no labels. Concept made by society, he doesnt need it. Lots girls and boys 'liked' him when he got older (he assumed they wanted other things).

Kenji likes everyone platonic, no labels. Why should he like a person better than another? So many labels that sounds just like friendship to him!

Aroace. Why should she like someone? Fuck em people. Likes platonic relationships so much more, especially familiar ones.

Reader came drunk, crashed on the agency's couch. Unfortunately, they were played a prank against. (Request by @dazaisbaldspot )

Masterlist

Dazai:

- first of all, thats his couch

- second of all, you looked way too dumb for him to resist

- he drawn dicks on your face

- permanent markers, the good type

- everyone noticed too late

- you werent seen for days

Kunikida:

- he's disappointed in you

- sleep it off at home, not at work!

- surely he's just teaching you a lesson, right?

- duck tapes you to the ceiling

- you wake up vomiting

- you never come drunk at work again

Ranpo:

- was waiting for you

- has been planning pranking you ever since you stole his candy

- recruits 10 people to kidnap you

- mental torture

- he then comes to your rescue

- youre crying due to your shit hangover

- someone is threatening you at gun point

- the prank lasted 7 days

- you never anger him again

Kyouka:

- she has seen Chuuya drunk before

- tucks you in

- Dazai tells her to draw on your face

- you wake up with bunnies all over your body

Yosano:

- you came drunk to work?

- surely you need a... Hangover cure :)

- free top surgery

Fukuzawa:

- you wake up outside, circled by cats

- on the agency's entrance door, you see a poster 'Do not come drunk to work'

- reprimands you

- makes sure you werent taken advantage of after

Kenji:

- he wouldnt

- wakes you up and takes you home

- makes you eat

- sleeps over to make sure youre okay

- helps you in the morning with the hangover

- sweet boy

Atsushi:

- finds you passed out on the coach

- worried

- "Oh Atsushi" he hears Dazai "They said they want everyone to draw on their face! "

- did not believe him

- theres crude shapes on your face

- gives in after Dazai uses Kyouka's puppy eyes

- congratulations, you now have wereballs

- first of, you scared his sister

- Does not appreciate drunkards coming to his work, where Naomi is

- he pulls you out, wakes you up

- you two have a chat

Also what's the rules of these HCS :D.

The rules are in the master list, which will be posted soon

Masterlist

A late to work reader

Kunikida:

- absolutely hates it

- calls you constantly

- is at the entrance door waiting to reprimand you

- tries to find out if you have a motive

- once he finds out you're driving your siblings to kindergarten/school etc, he goes easier on you

- finds your address and helps you get them to school

- goes to Fukuzawa to change your schedule

Ranpo:

- "seriously, again? "

- "Why don't ya talk with Fukuzawa about this? "

- had his schedule changed to accompany some needs, doesn't understand why cant you do the same

- if you dont, he alerts Kunikida to do it.

- "You know he won't be mad, right? "

Dazai:

- do you think he noticed? Please, hes 3 hours later than you!

Kyouka:

- "Why are you always late"

- Once she finds out your parent is sick and needs be taken care of, she helps you

- first hour in the morning, shes at your house, taking care of your parent while you get ready for work

Yosano:

- slightly annoyed for it

- checks your health (mental and physical) to see if its due to that

- Prescribes you some medication after discovering you have constant headaches in the morning and you want take care of them before work

- respects the fact you prioritize your health

- but next time come to her

Fukuzawa:

- discovered by hearing Naomi and Haruno talk about it

- confused and slightly concerned

- calls you in his office to ask about it

- "Sorry sir, Ive recently adopted a baby and the caretaker has a specific schedule that we cant negotiate on"

- gives you a few weeks free and changes your schedule

Kenji:

- "Why are you always late :D"

- "I have troubles waking up"

- brings a rooster to wake you up

Atsushi:

- concerned

- asks you after the 7th time

- "Oh, new suicide tricks"

- even more concerned

- why are there two suicidal maniacs...?

Tanizaki:

- already knows, you go to high school with his sister (youre older)

- is the one who drives you both off

- actually doesn't know schedules are negotiable

- when Kunikida asks around he says "Oh they're at school with Naomi"

Stealing Ranpo's candy

(Not smau but hcs/scenario!)

Masterlist

Ranpo:

- knew you will one day so he prepared more stashes

- still very mad over it

- his wrath is unstoppable, you can only hope you have more stamina

- chasing you

- makes you buy him tenfold the amount of candy you stole

Kunikida:

- you aren't the first to pull this trick, so obviously he knows what to do

- reprimand you and leave you to die

-he has no mercy for thieves like you

-if Ranpo asks (as if) where you hide, he wont tell but gaze at the direction/hiding spot

-the day after, puts a poster named 'Consequences of being a candy thief'

Dazai:

-he was sleeping on the couch when you wake him up panicked

- seeing the candy in your hands, he knows what you did

- had once stole Ranpo's candy too

- "Youre on your own"

-sleeps again

- if you bribe him by doing his paperwork, he might help you.

- might

Yosano:

-"tsk, shouldn't had done that"

- a bit mad that you entered the infirmary

- kicks you out

- when Ranpo chases you, she laughs

- you arent the first idiot to do that, and damn if it isnt funny

Fukuzawa:

- cant comprehend why you would do that

-knows Ranpo enough to understand you're screwed

- if you are truly scared, he will have a talk with Ranpo

-then call a small meeting to ensure the members that they shouldn't fear each other

- if you arent scared but understand what you did, he'll reprimand you then make you buy Ranpo the candies, or give it back (depends if you ate all or not)

- like Kunikida, adds a poster about not stealing other's belongings or snacks

Atsushi:

- panics with you

- tries his best to hide you

- volunteers to see when Ranpo comes

-attempts intervene in the chase but Tanizaki stops him

- accepts your fate

- attended your funetal

Kyouka:

-confused

- if you are close, she'll ask if she should kill Ranpo

-wants a piece of candy

- Ranpo might forgive you if you do share and she looks content

- if you dont. Consider yourself death.

Kenji:

- "what's candy? :D"

- tries a piece (you cant resist him)

- "ow my teeth"

- thinks its too sweet, still happy

- asks Ranpo not to kill you if you ask him to

- you are spared

Tanizaki:

- did that twice (for Naomi both times)

- doesnt intervene

- doesnt use his ability

- tells Atsushi to not intervene either

- you wont see him for some days

@dazaisbaldspot special tag :3

The kids are platonic! Just Reader announcing!

Masterlist

Pregnant reader

reader can be trans enby cis (mpreg is an option) whatever you are!

Ranpo:

- knew post-nut that he fucked up

- "Do you want keep it? Your choice"

- "Keep wha- you left me pregnant?

- "Oh yea definitely"

- Ranpo announces it at the agency like this:

"Wheres Fukuzawa? I need stay home until Name births my kid"

- "YOU GOT THEM PREGNANT?? "

- is a pretty good father, learns how the kid thinks and tries his best to adapt

Kunikida:

- you told him two months after the act

- hes panicked

- he hasnt planned for this until 3 years later!

- oh no how did this happen?

- HE NEEDS TAKE LEAVE AND TAKE CARE OF YOU

- doesn't care what the craving, mood swings, pains are, he's taking care of you

- freed his schedule just to take care of you

- Dazai is banned from being near you

- hes very stressed and cried the entire time of birth

- held the kid like they're the sun

- pls hug him, hes not ready

Dazai:

- dips out and fakes his death- JOKING

- he noticed the shifts but was in denial

- he doesnt want kids

- implies getting an abortion

- it's up to you

- hes trying hard to deal with this

- not the best father, hes trying

- stops attempting (not completely, but doesnt go for it every chance now)

Yosano:

- how.

- knew before you did

- thought you cheated

- medically took care of you

- "You know its your kid right? " Ranpo tells her

- "Impossible! "

- so apparently secret ability help?

- adores you and your kid

- helped with the birth

Fukuzawa:

- he honestly thought he cant have kids anymore

- when you told him, he was so shocked

- are you sure it's his?

- is constantly at your side

- assigns Kunikida as temporary leader until birth

- holds your hand during it

- loves you two like Suns and stars

- also Ranpo is already your guy's kid, so congrats, youre a parent of two!

Atsushi:

- he's way too young for this

- panicked

- are you guys keeping it???

- oh god he's barely an adult!

- asks the agency for advice

- Yosano suggests abortion if you cant handle it

- cries

- if you choose to keep it, tries his hardest for his kiddo

- pls just one kid, the stress is killing him

Tanizaki: Junichiro

- also too young for this

- at least Naomi seems happy?

- oh boy he isnt ready for this

- very protective

- provides as much as he can

- Naomi ends up doing research mostly

- he's just trying keep you happy

- Naomi holds the kid before him

- parenting is hard, but if he could do it with Naomi, surely the same applies to the kid?

Naomi:

- YOU ARE PREGNANT WITH HER BROTHER'S KID? THAT MAKES HER AN AUNT YAY

- wants to be that cool aunt the kid relies on

- takes you shopping

- buys you any snacks no judgement

- regularly exercises with you

- makes sure you are well feed, washed and everything

- takes you to psychologically tests when youre closer to birth

- Takes care of the baby while you rest

- biggest help in house while her brother works. You rest, she's taking care of the small one!

Kenji:

- asked you worried as you vomit your guts out

- "oh Kenji, I'm pregnant"

- he takes the new happy!

- "Can I help take care of the baby? :D"

- bless his heart, he helps you always

- the kid grows up with the coolest uncle

Kyouka:

- she sensed something was wrong and asked you frankly

- "I'm pregnant Kyouka" you rub your stomach

- "oh" she doesnt understand why would you

- protective, follows you everywhere, ready to slay anyone

- you dont need worry for anything, shes there to protect

- your kid is raised with over the top protection (definitely learns self defense)

SPECIAL GUEST

Fyodor:

- knew a week after, it was obvious, the signs all there

- he calculates the risks and whether or not to keep it

- if he truly loves you he'll ask your opinion

- frankly he doesn't want kids (post Bram: "we have Aya already")

- now if he doesnt care for your opinion. Abortion

- assigns someone he trusts to take care of you

- doesnt understand pregnancy

can i make a req for reader being sui and ada finding out :3 (maybe add a fyodor if u want hahehehehhe)

Suicidal reader

This has been in my inbox for a while and I still had no idea how to do this. Most of these are done by the moment

Ranpo

- it was pretty obvious to him actually

- the amount of times he called just before you tried to commit and either asked you to do something or that you're needed at work can't be counted

- he doesn't want anyone in the agency to die, that includes you

- he knows he's not good at comforting people so he sets other members on you

- you're trying to drown? Kunikida just happens to be there

- are you spiralling after a bad day? Oh Atsushi is wondering if you're free right now

- trying to die on the job? Ranpo is actively shielding you

- it will take years for him to say 'I know'

- he'll never admit trying to save you so desperately

Kunikida

- he doesn't really understand why anyone would want to die

- after all, you must have a goal or something you're looking up for, right?

- so he tries set up goals for you

- at first short term, a mission, a paycheck.

- then long term, friends, retiring, your 70th birthday

- you catch on quick about that

- the moment you attempt, hes there to stop you

- begging you to not do it

Dazai

- out of all of them, he definitely understands it the best

- at first he recommends you painless methods

- but as he starts to care, he tries to insert himself in your life as to give you a pillar to want to live for

- after all, Oda did that to him, he should pass the torch to the next

- whether or not he succeed, hes trying his best

- but late at night, you might get a call with just a rant about the worth of life

I have no idea how Americans act (I'm so European it hurts) so Its very unserious and not American friendly.. ( @dazaisbaldspot and @g0d0fcha0s helped!)

American reader Americaning it

Ranpo:

- he was disoriented at the train station

- signs and signs everywhere, his case was at a hotel named York

- which was a 4 hour distance by train

- "Why would Fukuzawa make me go so far? 4 hours! " he whined

- you stared at him weird "dude thats barely anything, say fish and we there"

- "what"

- 4 hours wasn't nothing! For all he knows more interesting cases are happening while hes stuck at the train station!

- "I once drove 8 hours for a coffee"

- you were insane and banned from taking him to the train station because what the fu-

Kunikida

- he was driving you guys home, well driving you, for some reasons you lived nearly 2 kilometers away from the agency

- maybe he should talk with Fukuzawa, you were losing a lot of time coming to and leaving from work

- "You should move closer, 2 kilometers is pretty far"

- "it's just one mile bro"

- "no its two miles"

- "it's one! It's like 1.6 km"

- "what? "

- genuinely baffled

Dazai:

- you both were working on a case together back at the agency, looking at the clues you gathered

- "so what do you think? " he asks

- "I shivk shay em grill murdah bru" (I think that the girl murdered bro)

- "what" he did not get what you said with that fuckass accent

- "I tenk em grul murde"

- "what??? "

- "kys"

Yosano:

- at the Uzumaki cafe, in your break, Yosano calls the waiter as she was ready to order

- "I'll have a black coffee with a blueberry scone, thank you"

- the waiter looks to you

- "I'll have a triple cheese cheeseburger, extra meat, no pickles, no tomatoes, lots of sauce, the good slightly spicy one, a milkshake with 4 spoons of sugar almond milk, apple taste and add a bit of brown sugar at it-"

- she left before you could finish

Fukuzawa

-you were a new employee of his

- "Name, you have a case with Ranpo at York hotel, on New street. I advise you take the train due to how far it is"

- "So New York? That ain't so far. Just gotta pass through Detroit" (idk American geography kill me <3)

- he blinked. That was not what he said. Tho he could understand the confusion. Changing countries comes with confusion

- "York hotel on New street. 2...miles...away" he tried go with familiar terms for you

- "ya not far bruh"

- Hes gonna let Ranpo deal with this one

Kyouka:

- Kyouka ate tofu, she liked tofu, plain, sweet, spicy

- tofu is tofu

- tho, seeing you dip it in 5 layers of chocolate and then 6 layers of vanilla made her rethink life

- that was too sweet

- she left disgusted

Kenji:

- Kenji liked people, really!

- but you really couldn't take care of his cows, he feared their safety

- so he had been trying for the past 30 minutes to make you go back to the agency

- "Name! How about you go back and see if there are new cases? Since ours is finished and we have no reason to stay here.... "

- his cows were pissed off, poor babies :(

- "Nah bro, I can stay sum more, these cows are top shi"

- why were you so dense :((((((

Atsushi:

- "Damn, 600 yen for a soda? This shop is expensive" he whines (idfk shi about yen kill me)

- "It's a small one too" you say

- it was the biggest size soda

- "What"

- "and its such a weird orange?? " you point at the natural orange soda

- ".... Oh yea you're American" he says because hes tired of your shi

Tanizaki:

- he was listening to music when the American Anthem started playing

- "MURRRRICAAAA AHHHHH" you fall to the floor, screaming "FREEEDOOOOOMM"

- He promptly throws you out the window

BONUS: FITZGERALD

- "Vote me for pres why won't you? "

- "Only if you gimme em money bruh"

- "5000 burgers per day good? "

- "Yes pres yes"

(I'm crying what the-)