Top Posts Tagged with #mini monologue

17. Separate Paths

“I were walkin’ along a street an’ this guy was walkin’ on the path that’s about to meet mine. An’ I look at him an’ I can see he must only be a few years older than me, an’ he’s wearing this smart navy suit an’ got blonde hair with blue eyes an’ all. He starts to speed up to get ahead of me, so I do too. Suddenly we’re both competing in some fast walking race apart from it doesn’t feel like it’s about how fast we can walk. I’ve only got short legs and he weren’t tall but it wer’ easy enough for him to get ahead of me. So there he is all young, smart and good looking, cutting corners an’ crossing busy roads whilst barely checking to see if it wer’ safe. An’ there’s me, small, post-teens, not knowing what to do with me life, rushing so I won’t be late to my appointment. Round the next corner, I see a woman with a boy waiting on traffic lights to cross this busy road. I think I’ll join ‘em ‘cause if they’ve bin waiting it won’t be long before I getta cross an’ I won’t have ta wait for the traffic lights up the road. Finally I think I’m the one whose cutting time’s corners but he doesn’t turn to cross the road with us. He continues up the pavement an’ stops at the bus stop, pulls out a cig. It’s then I realise how red and irritated the skin on his face is an’ that he’s not that perfect after all. We’re just two different people trying to make it along our own, separate paths.”

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My silence is not loud enough

Being bullied, in general, sucks shit. Over the past few months, after a misunderstanding of sorts (I said something for a reason, and someone took my words and not my reasoning and turned it into a reason to hate me), I have been a victim of bullying. Maybe not in the traditional sense but I feel like I am being bullied, who the fuck is there to deny me that fact, of how I feel? I have been taking so much shit over the past few months for my words, I decided that I should fight back by staying silent at first. I thought that I was taking their words and ignoring them would be, in a sense, standing up against them, because that’s what they wanted right? A reaction from me, but oh how wrong I was. Me sucking it up, it would go away eventually, that whole mentality was so wrong for my situation. My silence has allowed my bully to feel that they could say anything and no one would object, and after a while, no one did. I have been called so many different names, “cunt”, “loud mouthed bitch”, yadda yadda. Of course, mainly only to my best friend, I have expressed my worries, my thoughts on it, but I thought that if I said anything to anyone else against this bullying, that I would be talking shit and would give them more reason to talk about me in a negative light. I am here to tell you, NEVER FUCKING TAKE SHIT LIKE THIS EVER. I’d say stand up against your bully, but every situation is different. In mine, I have no opportunity to do anything to stop it, because over a while, group mentality has caused me to be hated by “everyone in my year” according to my BEST FRIEND. I have no one to stand with me. I have no choice but to stand alone, but I plead to anyone who reads this, whether only 1 person reads this or thousands upon thousands do, please, if you hear or see anyone being bullied, help them, defend them no matter what, and act as a support system for them.

I turned to one my closest confidants, to help me take action, but the conversation turned on me. I was told that there was obviously something wrong with me. Because so many people hated me, I needed to change myself because being me, made so many people despise me. “Why don’t you listen to their reasons, and change yourself. Not for them!! But for yourself.” I am someone who is somewhat proud of who they are, but honestly, hearing this made me feel as though everything about me was so wrong. I was told that being outspoken was the reason they didn’t like me (amongst many other things). I was confident in my own skin, but at the time, I don’t feel that way at all. I was told to take their words to heart. “The reason they do not like you is because you’re insecure.” well I fucking took my confidants words to heart to appear more meek and subtle (which completely failed) and I just can’t win. Everyone contradicts each other. I can’t please everyone. Then I realised, in a society that was slowly taking away reasons what I loved about myself, that this was all TOTAL FUCKING BULLSHIT. Instead of listening to them, I am going to fucking listen to myself. WHO THE FUCK CARES WHAT THEY THINK? No one should hear any of this shit. ever. You don’t live to please anyone but yourself. If they don’t like me for who I am, FUCK EM’. I am my own person, and if you don’t like me, take a fucking hike, because I am here for me, not to please you.

#bullying #self love #mini monologue #this isnt the best but like im in a state of mind and wtv #sorry