the years i've lost. irene&addie
"You'll never have children,"
Those words were the ones that echoed over and over again in Irene Adler's mind as she stared at a plus sign in a lonely transit bathroom in Japan. There was no emotion, she sat in that stall for almost half and hour totally devoid of anything - not knowing what to do. There was only one possibility of the father. Karachi. Yet, what kind of life could she give a child? Constantly on the run, sure she would never see Sherlock Holmes again...nothing. She could give this child nothing. After her 30 minutes of sitting completely still, she moved her hand to her stomach and started to cry.
London, was where she had managed to drop her young daughter off, turning her over to the system and hoping that somehow, she would find a better life. Irene watched her grow up from a distance, hacking into the system and gathering Addie's case notes. Sometimes, she wondered if she had made the right decision as she watched Addie bounce around family to family. So much like Sherlock she was, socially awkward and smart...very smart.
Exactly four times Irene returned to London, simply to check on her. Once, when she was three, again when she was nine, a third time when she was twelve and again today. Fouteen years old, and she had already opted for the streets in place of a home. That was a life, she never wanted her daughter to see, one that she had seen when she was young. Besides, her life was different now. Few people hunted her like they did, and though she still had a knack for getting herself wrapped up in... unfavourable circumstances, it was not nearly as bad as it had been.
Laying eyes on Addie broke her heart, and she thought of Sherlock...and all the things she could never be for her. All the things that he could never be for her. As always, she perfected masking those emotions, and approached the young woman on the park bench, heart strangely both fluttering with anticipation and completely numb, "Hey, you look hungry," Irene held out the extra meal in a doggy bag that she'd taken from her lunch and held it out, breath caught in her lungs and begging for release.
