#mindboggled

Three's A Crowd: Dabi, Harper, and Kurogiri shenanigans

Wrote this fella on my phone so expect typos and such, my guys.

The one-shot this corresponds with this fic.

Dabi doesn't hate his job or anything. It's actually pretty lax, all things considered. Could be better, could be worse: he's not here to complain. He gets paid good, has met some people he sorta-kinda sees as friends, and half his job is just sitting there and occasionally tackling a grown man composed mostly of gas.

To lay down a basic outline, Kurogiri is extremely attached to Harper Rye, Dabi's initial client if he's being honest with himself. By watching Kurogiri, he's technically protecting her indirectly as well. It's all rather complicated. He doesn't have the full story, so can't say why the warp-gate user is so terribly attached to her. Something about emotions? He has no idea.

It doesn't matter. If Harper is gone for more than ten minutes, or if he even thinks she'll be gone for longer than that, he freaks. Completely flips his fucking lid. It's astonishing how fast he can go from being a composed, ordinary man with impeccable manners to... Well, this.

"She's going to die out there! It's too much!" Kurogiri insisted dramatically, glowing eyes rounded in horror. He was once again latched to the girl's legs like a koala, leaving her to stand there stationary and contemplate why she was still alive. "She can't go out in a storm. She'll catch a cold and die!"

"Dude, it's only sprinkling. I need tampons. This isn't a debatable trip. It's either happening or I'm sleeping in the bathtub with an old sheet." Harper explained blandly. Dabi felt just as dead inside as he girl looked. When he signed on to be a bodyguard, he hadn't been expecting this. Man children and period talk.

"She's right. Let go before I pry you off." Dabi said, tone bordering on exasperated. Harper experimentally shoved at Kurogiri's shoulder, just to test his grip. Solid.

"I can't. It's suicide." Kurogiri was being dramatic, but didn't seem to realize just how irrational his thoughts were. Dabi sighed, running a hand down his face and bringing it down to massage his jaw. This was great. Fine! Totally cool! He wasn't on the verge of exploding and setting this entire place on fire, himself included. He would never.

"You know how human biology works, right? You heard the girl. It's not optional. She either goes or we all suffer. What the fuck do you think Tsukauchi will do to us if he comes home and finds his kid in a tub covered in a ratty sheet and her own bloody? He'll chop me up and feed me to the gators, and you'll be thrown off a cliff!" Dabi insisted. He wanted to say he was exaggerating, but he 100% wasn't. Harper sighed.

"Look. It's heavy flow season down south. Do you know what that means?" Harper raised her brows down at Kurogiri, who sniffled tearfully back. "It means we have about an hour before our time is up. Yeah, I know. The clock is ticking ticking, and it's your heads if my favorite pair of sweat pants gets ruined."

"See, this is a dire situation. Clearly life or death. So let her go, she'll get her shit, and then she'll come right back." Dabi coaxed, his voice not as soothing as it should've probably been, but close enough. Kurogiri stared for a hot second before tightening his grip on the brunette. Harper's eyes narrowed. Ah.

"It's dark out. She'll get murdered." Kurogiri really did turn into a pessimist asshat when experiencing pre-separation anxiety, didn't he?

"And it'll be a blessing, too." Harper breathed. Dabi shot her a look before taking a deep breath. He didn't want to do this. His face looked worse than an eighty-year-old patchwork quilt that had been thrown through a wood chipper, and Kurogiri was still wanted. This was the last thing he wanted to suggest, but Harper's thin thread of patience was about to snap.

"Alright, fine. You did this to yourself. You don't want her to go alone? Fine. Looks like we're tagging along." Dabi marched last them and towards the front door. The sooner the left, the sooner they could get this suffering over with.

"You're shitting me." Harper was horrified. Kurogiri was immediately calmed. He let go of his adopter and got to his feet, straightening his shirt as he did so and brushing off his pants as though nothing had ever happened. Dabi and Harper stared at him with the dryest expressions they could muster. He was pretty composed for someone who'd been wailing like a chicken being murdered a moment ago. Too composed.

"Very well. That will suffice. Thank you very much, Dabi. Harper Rye." Kurogiri gave a formal nod. Harper and Dabi stared for a moment more before sharing a look. Their expressions were alike in the fact that they both appeared completely and totally done with life.

"Yeah, yeah, whatever. Put your damn shoes on so we can get this over with." Dabi grumbled. It was just a trip to the store. What could possibly go wrong?

-------------------------------------

So, they were at the supermarket, and literally everything had gone wrong.

Again, Kurogiri was still wanted, so they decided to walk. The rain had pretty much vanished, leaving the sidewalks soaked and the roads full of puddles. The store was only a block and a half or so down, so it's not like they had far to trek. Dabi took the lead while Harper and Kurogiri followed behind him, Kurogiri insisting on holding Harper's hand for "safety purposes." As in he was afraid she'd befall a tragic death and leave him stranded and alone in the world.

Getting to the store? Easy. They'd done it as anyone else would. They walked up, entered the store, and boom. That's when it all went to shit. They got twelve steps in before something went wrong. Twelve steps.

Someone barreled through the swinging doors behind them. A humanoid, bull-like figure with twisting horns and a cow nose, along with the ears and frame to match. Like Hound Dog, but a bovine rather than a canine. Glass sprayed everywhere, all dramatic-like, almost like something out of a movie. The store clerk let out an ungodly shriek. Harper just sighed, and Dabi groaned. Kurogiri let out a scream of his own.

He had the best intentions, but he panicked by mistake. He opened a warp gate in time to stop the bull-man from running into them. But he didn't think too much about where they'd pop out, apparently, because they fell from another portal at an angle. An angle that sent them flying into the shelves.

The resounding crash made everyone wince. Everyone but Harper, who'd heard worse to be honest.

"Are you fucking kidding me?" Dabi breathed, more to himself than anyone else. Harper massaged her temples as Dabi stared in mute horror at the destruction. "I'm not paying for all that shit."

That wasn't the end, because, uh, why the hell would it be? Dabi's day was going less than stellar at this point. And then boom. Four guys filter through the demolished front door with guns bigger and longer than Dabi's arm in tow. Harper just stares, Kurogiri is just standing there blinking in confusion as he tries to process the mayhem occuring around him, and Dabi? Dabi has accidentally set the floor on fire.

"On the ground, hands up! Now!" One of the men shouts. Customers are panicking, dropping down. Fire is spreading, the floor is melting, and then, the fire alarm goes off. Which caused the sprinklers to come on. But Dabi's fire is hotter than normal fire, so it doesn't go out. It just creates a shit ton of steam.

"Oh my god." Harper groans, dropping down low as the building fills with a muggy fog that's so thick you can see through it. "I just want a box of tampons. Is that too much to ask? Why is it always me?"

"You have some bad damn luck, kid. I'll tell you that much." Dabi snorted. The glow of Kurogiri's eyes pierced through the fog.

"I'm unsure of where the intruders are, and can't warp them away. What do you suggest we do?" He asked in a level tone. Harper rolled her eyes. So he freaked out over nothing and assumed she'd due from the rain, but was ready to chill out during a robbery. Makes sense.

"We leave, that's what. I'm sure a hero will get here eventually." Dabi sniffed slightly. But things weren't that easy, of course. Shit just had to get worse.

So the robbers had been blinded, essentially. People were screaming in every direction, making it impossible to actually aim and take anyone down. Except for Kurogiri. Who had glowing eyes. So naturally, they shot for the light. Their aim was shit though, so all it did was lodge in his right shoulder.

Harper and Dabi jumped at the deafening bang that left their ears ringing. The screams increased, Harper's headache for worse, and her cramps felt like they'd intensified, just as a last 'fuck you' from her body and she and Dabi both gaped at Kurogiri. The man seemed surprised, gazing down at the wound.

"Oh." The warp gate user said. Harper inhaled sharply.

"'Oh' is right, dipshit! You just got shot!" The sound of sirens were getting closer. There was another shot. No screams or thumps followed. "Just- shit, close your eyes. So they don't do it again."

"Are you not in any pain?! I thought you had a body under there." Harper hissed out lowly as Kurogiri did as he was told, closing his eyes. She was huddled up next to Dabi, hating everyone and everything. She had school tomorrow!

"Ah, yes. It hurts quite a bit. But I'm sure you've noticed that I'm screaming in the inside." Kurogiri reached out blindly, finding her hand and patting it. "I heard bottling up your emotions was healthy."

"Literally who the hell told you that?" Dabi scoffed. Another shot whizzed part, and he and Harper both ducked on instinct. Harper yanked Kurogiri down with them when the idiot didn't follow. The steam was so heavy they could barely breathe. They were too afraid to move, to be honest. Better to wait it out while the gunmen raided the register anyway.

"Sansa." Kurogiri said. As if on cue, a fresh set of people entered the store.

"Heard you were talking shit." Sansa's voice said from somewhere near the door, and then, "Oh, yeah. Police! Put your hands up and drop your weapons!"

Harper and Dabi could barely see each other through the fog, but there was enough visible for them to know they were both grimacing. Because honestly, they really couldn't do anything anymore without some shit like this happening.

And I was like …are you talking about international women’s day wtf WHY would I have an issue with that?” And she just doubled down on it like “well its only for women and not for men or transgenders, I thought you HATED that kind of thing, arent you a big feminist?”