#milwyr

Tanil shook her head before she could reminisce anymore. Those times were over. Still, at least working beside the Council the past year gave her something better, a job with CSec. Granted her time with the Alliance was great, she needed the Citadel, she needed to be away from earth and anything that reminded her of Shepard, which was slowly becoming... everything.

She was on patrol, a great thing that Bailey made her do on occasion, more so to get her out of his hair, not that he had any. She appreciated the walks though, even if there wasn’t anything really to monitor. Occasional disputes, but mostly minor things. There was one volus that thought a quarian had stolen his credit ch--.

Tanil froze, she had been on her way back to CSec to check in with Bailey, but she stopped. Her mind having wondered up until the point where her eyes locked sight on the back of an armored individual. It wasn’t the figure exactly that caught her eye or the fact that the person was talking to Bailey or the two people standing beside them. No, it was the N7 on the back of the armor, the whispy shoulder length hair. Even from the back...

“Sor...” Tanil started, no, there was no way. It was impossible, Juliette was dead, she died, she got spaced, Tanil processed the paper work. She was dead. Dead, spaced, the whole crew knew it. The Normandy was destroyed.

The figure turned their head, talking to the woman beside them. Tanil stumbled back, her foot catching on the railing beside her she almost fell, but the caught herself, grasping the railing like a lifeline. She couldn’t breathe, her mouth hung open. Even from this distance, even this far, she couldn’t... forget that face, that face.

Juliette. It was... Soren she. No, it has to be another hallucination, there was no way. The trio turned, heading back through the security check to the taxi lot. Bailey waved them good bye.

Bailey! Bailey would know whether or not Tanil was actually hallucinating. She willed herself up, using the bar to pull herself back to her feet as she ran to his desk, his eyes were absorbed back in his work when she slammed her palms onto his desk, making him jump back.

“Holy shit, Reynolds. What’s your problem?”

“BAILEY! JUST NOW!” Tanil glanced towards the security check door, the trio had long since passed through it. “There were... three people here, talking to you. I need to know. Was that?”

Bailey shook his head, his eyes going wide with his own surprise. “I wouldn’t believe it myself if I hadn’t just seen it.”

The rest of what Bailey said was drowned out as Tanil staggered back from his desk. It was... it was, her. Her... she was... alive? Here? On the Citadel?

Hallucination or no she had to, had to see, see her again. Tanil’s eyes turned to the security door, she had... walked through that. Soren had just walked through that door, stood on this very spot, just a minute ago. Her mind had gone blank but her lips still formed the words.

“Where was she headed?”

“Said something about meeting with the Council. Reinstate her spectre status.” 

Tanil’s legs were moving, she didn’t even stay, she was through the doors. It was probably too late, they were already headed to the Embassy to meet with the Council and probably Anderson, but she could intercept them there. She could... see her again at the Embassy before she missed her chance. Bailey said something, she could hear him shouting but his words meant nothing to her. There was just Soren.

That’s all there ever was.

Tanil had been right, when she got to the Embassy she saw the two people that were with Soren back at CSec... they were standing outside Anderson’s office, there was no doubt Soren... Juliette was inside speaking to him and the Council. She wanted to just go in there, kick down the door and see but she couldn’t. As soon as she caught sight of the two at teh end of the hall she did a quick u turn instead faking to go into another office but turned back, beginning to pace the hall. Get out of the office get out of the office.

Tanil stopped herself, pressing her forehead against the wall instead to stop herself from moving, Juliette’s partners no doubt giving her strange glances because of her odd behavior. 

Until.

Tanil heard a door hiss open.

“Until next time, Shepard.” Anderson. Tanil’s eyes bore into the wall, its cold surface chilling her forehead, but she felt so hot. Soren she was... there, just down the hall all Tanil had to do was turn and see. Tanil’s right side was facing Soren, if she stayed like this against the wall, she could just stay like this, Soren couldn’t possibly recognize her without the scar... right? She could just leave it be, leave it all be and keep trying to forget to move on. The thud of feet going down the hall, coming towards Tanil.

There was still a chance, but if Tanil looked now, she knew there was no way, no going back. All that progress to forget about Soren, she could do it, she could not look, not give herself that pain again, that pain of loss and...

Tanil turned, the foot falls close enough now that she couldn’t stop herself. Bailey hadn’t been wrong. Tanil hadn’t been either, the light grey eyes that stared back at her were so... real and familiar. 

Too many days of imagining Juliette was still there, telling her to keep going telling her to get up. She was standing right now, wasn’t she? Neither of them spoke. Her hands shook, in both anger and overwhelming emotions. She felt like crying but no tears came, she felt like screaming but there were no words. There was just Soren.

That’s all there ever was.

Tanil slapped her, her eyes now burning with tears that refused to fall, she could see a red welt forming on Juliette’s cheek, but the commander hadn’t even moved, hadn’t even flinched. Words hung on Juliette’s lips, Tanil could tell. Before Juliette could let fall those words, Tanil buried them away, capturing the unspoken words with her own lips. It was a brutal kiss, held back emotions that Tanil had never understood before until now until the day she had lost Shepard. Tanil’s arms around Shepard, not wanting to let go, not wanting to lose her again, fists balled into the cloth of Shepard’s shirt, a lifeline.

But.

Tanil pulled away completely, stepping back away from Juliette, her eyes wide at the woman when she realized what she had done. She acted on instinct without even considering, it had been two years. This was, she didn’t even know if Juliette felt the same or was still the same person and…. Tears rolled down her cheeks as Tanil realized what she had done, she buried her face into the palms of her hands.