#milkytalk

Pretty housebound atm because of financial and health reasons but finding cool bugs is keeping me going

Pic 1: Zebra Jumping spider (salticus scenicus) eating what seems to be some kind of crane fly

Pic 2: Lilac Beauty moth (Apeira syringaria)

Didn't post this and I think it's perfect for this account

I think multiplayer is highly overrated actually. Like I enjoy playing games with other people, but my big issue is that no one ever really. Cares as much as I do?

Example, I played through raft in about 10 days a month back. I didn't fully finish the game but I got so much further than I'd ever gotten in multiplayer. And being allowed to design and decorate and actually explore the mechanics without someone else constantly ruining the experience is really nice.

I have this with Minecraft too. I've always been a multiplayer Minecraft person, to the point where my biggest drop off in playing was when I had no one else to play with. I also plague my brain with playing modded too much, but that's neither here nor there. But I played vanilla single player for two weeks while daz was working and I was at his and. Quite possibly the most fun I've had playing Minecraft since I was like 8.

I also played terraria up to hard mode and I think stardew is a must.

Currently I'm playing don't starve, which oh my fucking god I forgot how good this game is. I played don't starve solo for like a year before I was bought dst, and then never played it singleplayer ever again. Every fucking time he'd get us killed right around the start of spring. "We can take deerclops day 30 we'll be fine!" We were in fact. Never fine.

Anyway all this to say I think my bad relationship history ruined my enjoyment of games and I'm trying so hard to kill all that now that I only surround myself with good relationships. It's okay to play singleplayer. I am allowed to do things by myself.

I got some new pyjamas yesterday and the shirt is a tank top and I always steered away from tank tops because I thought I was "too fat" to wear them plus some internalised bullshit about my shoulders being "too wide".

That combined with years of avoiding looking at myself in any form just culminated into me, stunned, 3am, almost dripping toothpaste on aforementioned vest, crying because I look so. Right.

Not a man, not a woman, just me. Megender. Emilegender.

Also made me realise I really don't like the caffeine element of monster but I just fucking love the flavours and I think if they released a decaf monster I'd be buying a years supply at a time

Life isn't so good for ol' Milkers so I've been smoking myself into oblivion and crying on the couch ✌️

If I haven't contacted you in a while, it's because I don't have the emotional skills to regulate myself at all so I am very unfiltered, which doesn't line up with the persona I've built myself around so I'm hiding basically 👍

Those who I have been in contact with, whether via randomly sending you videos on Instagram or the occasional discord message