#midlifehobbies

I'm just a tad over 50 and play a bit of guitar. I am thinking of putting some of my stuff out there on Spotify, but am apprehensive lest I become unexpectedly popular and famous. Now, I do enjoy the odd pint or two at the local, but I am not sure how I would cope these days with the resulting drug-fuelled orgies and multiple contiguous sexual relations with younger ladies. Should I just keep on strumming alone at home or chase my rock star dream? Yours, Old Goat Marvin's Answer: Old Goat, I'm not sure what planet you live on, but all that strumming alone at home has created an unrealistic fantasy in your head. The chances of you becoming a rock star are slightly below an asteroid striking earth and wiping out the dinosaurs (like you) who seemed to have survived the previous impact.

I have always liked online gaming. I play on the Xbox. FIFA mainly, but I have been known to indulge in a bit of COD or Minecraft . However my wife thinks I'm too old to be playing silly games, and could get myself in trouble by playing against young children. Should I stop this hobby and head to the bowls club, in case someone gets the wrong impression? XP Marvin's Answer: XP, for a start you must have an unusual name for it to begin with an 'X'. Let me guess, Xavier? No? Then does it refer to eXperience Points (you see I know my gaming too). So that's part of my answer. If you do online gaming, you don't have to share all your details with other players, or indeed get theirs. Take off your headphones. Ditch the microphone. Ignore the fact you might be playing a 14 year old and just focus on the game. It might not be as rewarding not being able to shout "loser" at some unfortunate, but it does at least keep your integrity intact. Obviously there are other hobbies you could pursue that might be more age-appropriate. You could start with a model railway like Rod Stewart. People think he's cool, I think. Well at least he's managed to amass a fortune, young wife and still tours with a rock band. I guess that beats my powerpoint slide production. And there are other things. Lego has now got complicated and Meccano still exists, so you could go back to your childhood, away from the screens and online gaming.

Loose Women used to conjure up images of a good night out. I knew loose women in the daylight hours was never a good thing, but little did I realise the trauma it could cause a redundant worker. One question I've often been asked about my redundancy is, aside from applying from jobs, how I fill my day. I could talk of DIY, domestic chore lists, taxi services and food shopping (yes, had all of those). I could also speak of the gym, swimming, and cycling, but that might stretch the truth. To be fair, I am fitter than I was, but no lighter. My time in the gym is more than offset by the additional cake eating time. I worked it out. If I have eight cups of tea or coffee during the day, each with biscuits or something sweet, I'd probably need to be in the gym four hours a day to break even. Not good given my current totals. Loose Women - first step to madness? So I have to admit I have also been trying daytime TV to pass the time.  I don't tell many people that as they all roll their eyes and tell me I should be doing something more productive. However I tried productive and ran out of ideas. Now I find myself occasionally channel hopping during the day in the hope of finding something enlightening. And just to be clear, I don't.

Let's take Loose Women as an example. Now, I know it's a show loved by many. I guess if it was on Sky Sports and the women were football pundits, I might find it more engaging, but they're not. Having said that, I'm sure one of them could claim some premiership footballing past, as they all have at least a tenuous link to any subject raised. "Crochet? Oh yes, did that at part of my mental health retreat." Vaginas are not good lunchtime material This week I was about to tuck into my ham and cheese sandwich when the opening of the Vagina Museum filled twenty minutes of Loose Women chat. Obviously being loose women, there was plenty of baudy discussion about vaginas, including shapes, usage, feelings, and issues (both in terms of problems and leakages). But is this really ham and cheese-time conversation? I think not. Admittedly the show isn't really aimed at middle-aged blokes, but even so. I have spent many an hour discussing women's issues as part of working in an equal opportunities employer, but this for me was a step too far. Flipping to Bargain Hunt only slightly moved things forward. Two couples, battling it out over the value of a twenty pound teapot. "Can we knock it down a bit?" they all ask. Then they act surprised when the bright lights and TV camera get them a discount. No, not for me either. Couples Come Dine With Me actually did work during cheese and ham-time. I think that's because it was at least food related and I could relate to some of the dinner party embarrassment.

Living a boring middle age existence can be tough. You're body starts to give out (have I mentioned my hip?), you start to get tired and people judge you by how grey your hair is (and during a Covid19 lockdown that can be very grey, shaggy and generally Einstein-ish indeed).

Lockdown hair styles for the middle aged It's easy at this point to become a sock-folding, Daily Telegraph reading Antiques Roadshow watching sloth. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with those things on their own, especially if they're actually your hobbies. However if you find yourself looking forward to the next episode of Loose Women, and wishing you weren't stuck in a boring middle age existence, you may want to pause for a moment's thought.

Don't fold socks. It's boring. In a previous article on happiness we introduced you to Don. Don is the little man inside your head ensuring your mind and body do the things they're supposed to do. Living inside your skull and doing the mundane stuff you don't even think about, Don deserves some excitement. He knows what excitement looks like. He's looking after your imagination after all.

A boring middle age is all in your mind

In your imagination you can be whatever you want. You can be younger, fitter, funnier and more sociable. Playing with the buttons and knobs, Don can make you any of these things. Ring any bells? Then he probably already has. Think of those times you danced in time to the music in your head? That was Don. Sung your favourite song (tunefully) in front of a packed crowd? Don. Told that super funny joke that made people laugh until their sides split? Don again. Made the best cup of tea ever? Yep, Don knows how to have a good time. Too many times you override Don because you're worried what people will think. He tried to get you going, but then you hit the "scared" override button and left him feeling miserable and a little bit bitter. I remember once being told to think of the worst that could happen, then halve that What would happen would be less bad than that. I went through a strange phase of touching other people's tongues with mine at this point, which probably says something about people's gullibility when listening to my nonsense as much as anything. The funny thing is, you can be the person you want to be. The silly you. The fun you. You just have to listen to the little man who does all the work inside your brain. You just need to be more Don.

Be More Don

Sadly it may be impossible to turn the clock back. Actually there's no "maybe" about it. It is impossible to turn the clock back. However it is possible to let yourself have "young" fun like you do in your imagination.

Don't tolerate a boring middle age existence. Be more Don. Let yourself be guided by the Don inside your head. Stop that boring middle age thought process. If you have a question over whether you should do something, ask yourself would it make Don happy? If you think it might make him smile you're on the right track. You may not actually be any younger, but for a while you'll feel younger, and in reality what are we if not our feelings? Don has a pretty vivid imagination. He likes a party atmosphere and may even be inclined to dance occasionally. His dancing might not be great, but effort and enthusiasm triumphs over rhythm every time. So instead of sitting on the sofa miserably stuffing biscuits, think how you could be more Don. He works hard, but he also knows how to play hard too. Playing hard doesn't have to mean acid house benders with your mates. That would be a midlife crisis. No, playing hard can simply mean socialising. Not being afraid to be silly occasionally. Doing something invigorating. Releasing your inner Freddie Mercury.

Living a boring middle age existence can be tough. You're body starts to give out (have I mentioned my hip?), you start to get tired and people judge you by how grey your hair is (and during a Covid19 lockdown that can be very grey, shaggy and generally Einstein-ish indeed).

It's easy at this point to become a sock-folding, Daily Telegraph reading Antiques Roadshow watching sloth. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with those things on their own, especially if they're actually your hobbies. However if you find yourself looking forward to the next episode of Loose Women, and wishing you weren't stuck in a boring middle age existence, you may want to pause for a moment's thought.

Don't fold socks. It's boring. In a previous article on happiness we introduced you to Don. Don is the little man inside your head ensuring your mind and body do the things they're supposed to do. Living inside your skull and doing the mundane stuff you don't even think about, Don deserves some excitement. He knows what excitement looks like. He's looking after your imagination after all.

A boring middle age is all in your mind

In your imagination you can be whatever you want. You can be younger, fitter, funnier and more sociable. Playing with the buttons and knobs, Don can make you any of these things. Ring any bells? Then he probably already has. Think of those times you danced in time to the music in your head? That was Don. Sung your favourite song (tunefully) in front of a packed crowd? Don. Told that super funny joke that made people laugh until their sides split? Don again. Made the best cup of tea ever? Yep, Don knows how to have a good time. Too many times you override Don because you're worried what people will think. He tried to get you going, but then you hit the "scared" override button and left him feeling miserable and a little bit bitter. I remember once being told to think of the worst that could happen, then halve that What would happen would be less bad than that. I went through a strange phase of touching other people's tongues with mine at this point, which probably says something about people's gullibility when listening to my nonsense as much as anything. The funny thing is, you can be the person you want to be. The silly you. The fun you. You just have to listen to the little man who does all the work inside your brain. You just need to be more Don.

Be More Don

Sadly it may be impossible to turn the clock back. Actually there's no "maybe" about it. It is impossible to turn the clock back. However it is possible to let yourself have "young" fun like you do in your imagination.

Don't tolerate a boring middle age existence. Be more Don. Let yourself be guided by the Don inside your head. Stop that boring middle age thought process. If you have a question over whether you should do something, ask yourself would it make Don happy? If you think it might make him smile you're on the right track. You may not actually be any younger, but for a while you'll feel younger, and in reality what are we if not our feelings? Don has a pretty vivid imagination. He likes a party atmosphere and may even be inclined to dance occasionally. His dancing might not be great, but effort and enthusiasm triumphs over rhythm every time. So instead of sitting on the sofa miserably stuffing biscuits, think how you could be more Don. He works hard, but he also knows how to play hard too. Playing hard doesn't have to mean acid house benders with your mates. That would be a midlife crisis. No, playing hard can simply mean socialising. Not being afraid to be silly occasionally. Doing something invigorating. Releasing your inner Freddie Mercury.